Snapshots of Sunshine
by blue-starryeyed-songjay
Summary: So, the Warblers, Klaine and the New Directions feature prominently. Hopefully humorous.Chapter 39: Things go down in the motel room. Painful, painful things.
1. Chapter 1: Blackmail

**_AN: I don't own Glee- haha, Ryan Murphy! You can't sue me, nah-nah-nah-nah-nah. My first glee fanfic! Woohoo! It will be Out Of Character-just warning you. It's only T cuz I'm paranoid. I'm a die-hard Klaine shipper. Mostly. You gotta love Blittany... they're soo cute...Anyway, I kinda changed things in the Single Ladies video and borrowed a Chris Colfer quote- 'I'm kind of a ninja.' I was going to have 'You will all work for me,' in here, but I decided not to._**

'You know you want me, you know I want ya...' Blaine sang. He was serenading Kurt with Pitbull's classic. It wasn't romantic, but hey- Blaine wasn't good with romance.

'Blaine. Do me a favour and shut up.'

'Why?' Blaine pouted. He smirked at Kurt. 'You know you love it.'

'No,' Kurt protested. 'I don't.' Blaine tickled Kurt until Kurt had fallen off the bed.

It had only been a few weeks into Kurt and Blaine's relationship, and Blaine's parents accidently dropped hints at a family get-together with the Hummel's that a) Blaine was straight (big fat INCORRECT) and that b) Kurt was a secret terrorist ninja person (possible, Kurt thought, possibly true...).

FLASHBACK

Blaine wanted a little fun and he was annoyed at Kurt for being so perfect. Why couldn't he have a flaw? Well, there were always the…intimacies of a relationship- that would freak Kurt out if Blaine started talking about it.

'Blaine. How do you know your…boyfriend isn't a secret terrorist? Have you checked him?' Blaine rolled his eyes as his father loomed over him angrily.

'I'll check if it makes you happier.' Blaine said, deadpan.

'Check, then.'

Blaine quickly typed in Kurt Hummel into Google and got a few videos. Blaine put them on mute and started watching them. After a few seconds, he had his knuckle in his mouth and he was rolling on the floor. Mr Anderson left the room worried. He brushed off the emotion. Blaine was just going through a phase, not going insane!

Blaine had found two hilarious clips on YouTube of his boyfriend.

Perfect for having fun with.

FLASHBACK OVER

Kurt crawled back onto his bed, glaring at Blaine slightly.

'You messed uo my hair.' Kurt began fixing his hair as he said this, and lay down next to Blaine.

'I found this on YouTube.' Blaine said suddenly. He reached for Kurt's shiny purple laptop and switched it on. Kurt instantly began thinking of any stupid things he had posted onto YouTube. Nope. Unless...

'Blaine, what are you talking about?' Kurt smiled, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Blaine had gotten onto YouTube and was typing in something when he noticed the favourites. He clicked on them and saw only two YouTube clips.

_Sue Sylvester-Vogue. _

Nothing came up. Blaine was momentarily confused. 'Blaine?' Kurt asked.

_Sue Sylvester- Physical_

Nothing came up. 'Blaine,' Kurt said, 'you're scaring me.'

Blaine forgot about them and typed in:

_Kurt Hummel- Give up the Funk SOLO VERSION _

It came up and Blaine saved it. 'Come on Blaine, talk to me!'

_Kurt Hummel- Single Ladies (Put a Ring on it)_

One more save and…'Blaine!' Kurt almost shrieked at Blaine, shoving him off the bed.

'I'm blackmailing you.' Blaine announced.

'What?'

'Yes, I'm blackmailing you.'

'What for?'

'For…a date. At BreadStix.'

'Blaine, you could just ask me. I'd definitely say yes.'

'Fine. I'm blackmailing you for…your Gucci loafers. The ones you're wearing right now!' Blaine shouted truimphantly. Kurt's face searched Blaine's face for any sign of lying, joking around... There was none.

'I hate you Blaine Anderson.'

'I want you to hit a high F too.'

'What are you blackmailing me with?' Kurt asked, his curiosity taking over him.

'These,' Blaine said, utterly deadpan. He showed those two video clips to Kurt. The subject of those clips watched in total horror as he watched himself prance about singing about ripping the roof off mother suckers and having only four minutes to save the world.

'Oh. My. Gaga. What the heck, Blaine?' Kurt suddenly shrieked. 'You're blackmailing me with this? Oh gaga…I'm dead. You're not getting my loafers. I'm going to be killed. Will you show them to Coach Sylvester? Because if you show them to her, she'll humiliate me. Happily. She never forgave me for putting out that 'Physical' video with Mercedes. Why would you want my loafers, Blaine? They are last season and I only wore them because these are the only jeans the look good with. I mean, I bought it on a whim. Do you love the loafers more than you love my dignity? Why did you get these videos and blackmail me for those loafers, Blaine? Why? Do you hate me? Do you want to kill me by death of humiliation with a capital H?' Kurt began babbling.

'Wait, you put out that video of Sylvester doing Physical? Kurt, I need to high five you now.' Blaine joked, remembering his reaction when he saw that video. It was his who-shot-kennedy moment.

'SHUT UP BLAINE!' Kurt screamed.

* * *

><p>'Warblers,' Blaine said loudly, his voice echoing slightly over the ruckus of voices merging together. 'I have an announcement to make.' Kurt eyed Blaine cautiously. Ever since his slight mental breakdown, Blaine had been avoiding Kurt and Kurt kind of understood why. He must have looked scary in his sky-blue skinny jeans, red and white checked T-shirt and a sky blue scarf that went ever-so-well with his jeans, babbling about dignity, loafers and humiliation. Blaine had silenced Kurt with a short kiss and then left soon after.<p>

'Kurt has forgotten to do and give me something. Basically, I've been blackmailing him.'

Uproar of disapproval and the occasional laugh filled the room which resulted in Wes banging his tiny little precious hammer several times before the room quietened down.

'I wanted his Gucci loafers and for him to sing a high note. High F, in fact. He didn't and kind of had a mental breakdown. Sorry about that, Kurt, but they need to know. I'm really hoping this will shake up our relationship up a bit, and I really want those Gucci loafers. They're amazing. Plus, these are hilarious videos. So, sorry, Kurt, but I'm going to have to show the Warblers this.' Blaine said.

He clicked a little button on a remote control which controlled the projector. Kurt noticeably winced.

At first, a deep voice filled the room.

_Tear the roof off  
>We're gonna tear the roof off the mother sucker<br>Tear the roof off the sucker,  
>Tear the roof off<br>We're gonna tear the roof off the mother sucker  
>Tear the roof off the sucker<em>_,_

'Who's that?' asked Wes. Blaine shrugged and paused the video, a slight look of jealousy passing his face. Blaine didn't like the idea of someone else performing with Kurt.

'Kurt, who is that?' Kurt scowled and Blaine thought that look really suited him.

'It's me.' Kurt glared at Blaine.

'WHAT?' shouted pretty much everyone in the room. Kurt- to prove all the disbelievers wrong- performed that little bit in the Warbler's common room. 'I can hit low notes. My vocal range is like an elastic band covering in shiny diamonds and scarves. Forget the scarves, actually. With the scarves, it would look like Rachel Berry trying to look sexy and that is just a look she can't pull off.'

Blaine was drooling slightly, attempting to recover from Kurt's low singing. 'That. Was. Hot. Can you record it? It could be my new ringtone.'

'Shut up, Blaine. Just play the stupid video.' Jeff hollered and everyone laughed, apart from Blaine and Kurt.

_You've got a real type of thing going down, getting down  
>There's a whole lot of rhythm going roun<em>_d._

Suddenly, the video started and there was Kurt, in his favorite outfit, singing this song. His eyes bored into the camera. His voice surprisingly suited the song. Blaine was recording it for his new ringtone and everyone was either silently laughing or looking at Kurt.

At the end of the song, all the Warblers were silent. Kurt glared at everyone who opened their mouth.

'Okayyy, we've all seen enough, every one get out, don't tease me or sing this song to me, ok? Go.' Kurt said quickly as he caught Blaine's eye.

'Actually, there is another clip.' Blaine said, smirking slightly. Wes nodded his head in approval and Kurt buried his head in his arms.

'Well, what is it?' Wes asked.

'It's Single Ladies, by Miss Beyonce Knowles.' Blaine replied. 'No singing, just dancing.'

Everyone started laughing loudly and Kurt looked up from his arms. 'Shut up. I can use sai swords disturbingly well, and it would be easy for me to intimidate you with my sword-spinning talent.' He threatened.

Everyone fell silent immediately.

Blaine secretly pressed the 'play' button.

'Comb through the hair and slap the butt. It's not hitting, Brittany, it's slapping. How hard can it be? Come on now. Comb through the hair and slap the butt! Wooh! Okay, I think we're ready. Oh, it's started. Let's go!' Kurt's voice broke the silence. Everyone started guffawing at the words 'slap the butt' while Blaine was just watching Kurt was an amused, smug expression. Everyone looked at the image the projector was projecting. Kurt was dressed in a tight, sparkling, black cardigan with skinny jeans, long sleeved leotard, gloves that matched his cardigan and a black tie. It was an image most people would like to forget. In the background were two female dancers. Kurt was lip-synching to the song. Wes looked at Brittany and all he could think was, _that blonde girl looks hot slapping her butt. Wonder if Blaine and Kurt do that…_

No-one noticed Wes silently freaking out. They kept their eyes fixed on Brittany and Kurt.

'Kurt?' came a male voice. Blaine instinctively balled his hand up in a fist, before relaxing it again. It was just Burt.

'Dad!' Kurt exclaimed.

'What are you doing?' asked Burt.

'I'm pretty sure that my grasshopper is getting married to my cat.' Brittany said. Wes and all the other Warblers looked startled.

'We were just filming,' Kurt said. 'Tina, could you turn off the video camera? I don't think Brittany knows how to.'

'You're totally right. Please can I go now? I'm late for my daily Tater-Tot Hating Club meeting.' Brittany agreed. Tina rushed up to the camera and switched it off.

In the following chaos, Kurt did a self-reminder to himself to get Blaine's back. That would be easy.

* * *

><p>'Kurt? What are you doing?' Blaine asked timidly, watching Kurt all the time.<p>

'I'm just practicing. You should try it sometime, instead of humiliating your boyfriend.'

'I would kiss you now and comfort you, but I can't. You're freaking me out.'

'I do that to a lot of people. Most of the time, I hope it's because they're stunned of my talent. I think it's just because I've announced I'm gay and proud of it.'

'Kurt? Can you please stop it?'

'Stop what? Practicing? No. I won't.'

Kurt stopped practicing when it was lesson time. When it was the Warbler's practice time, Kurt started practicing all the way through the Warbler's practice.

'Kurt. We would like you to stop freaking us out! Is it because we laughed at you?' David asked.

Kurt merely nodded, then turned to Blaine. He mouthed the words 'this is my revenge' and Blaine noticeably paled.

Kurt smiled.

He was correct when he said that everyone would be intimidated by him.

Kurt wondered briefly whether the sai swords he was currently swinging expertly had anything to do with it.

It did.

'You see,' Kurt said. 'I'm kind of a ninja. I said I can spin sai swords surprisingly well, and I can. You can obviously see. This is my revenge. I am slightly out of practice and these might slip out of my hands any moment. If they do, it'll probably kill you, like you guys killed me with your cruel, cruel laughter. If anyone mentions what happened yesterday, I'll do something very scary.' Kurt said.

'So,' Blaine summed up. 'If any of us mentions Kurt singing 'Give up the funk' and 'Single Ladies', he'll kill us.'

Two sai swords whistled past Blaine's ears. In shock, Blaine looked back a the wall and saw two swords, a centimeter away from scratching Blaine's ears.

'I'll do something scary like that.' Kurt said, winking as he pulled out the swords from the wall and started twirling them again.

Blaine started drooling.


	2. Chapter 2: Serenade Idea

**_Okay, so I've decided to continue this one-shot. No longer a one shot then. Huh. Ryan Murphy, please don't hurt me, don't own glee, so you can't sue me. It's the day after the sai-sword spinning incident. Considering making this a story...hmmm... reviews make me smile- I didn't think they would, especially since I didn't understand everyone's review addiction. I do now. Weird. Should I make a Facebook chapter? Okay, so I'm copying some ideas from stories-I can't remember the author. I read an elastic band vocal range thing on YouTube when Chris Colfer was talking about his vocal range. I changed it around. Naked Rachel Berry- kind of in this chapter. Sorry, but I can't remember your name...AAH! So, Blaine sings a song to Kurt and my character Analuiza- you'll see her in another one of my stories- appears. She's like Where's Wally in all of my stories. If she's a Mary Sue or a what-do-ya-call-it, deal with it. Also, when she's singing, just imagine Santana singing it, but lower and less jazzy. This one isn't so funny, it's more fluffy._**

'Kurt?' Blaine asked cautiously.

'What?' the counter-tenor snapped. He was in an awful mood. His favourite skinny jeans- Finn had spilt milk on them and now, they stunk like Brett. His hair decided to go on strike today and he had HUGE bags. Finn was thinking perverted thoughts about Rachel, Quinn and Santana and he had decided to ask Kurt for only good thing about today was the fact that Blaine was a little terrified of him, and that wasn't a very _nice_ good thing.

'You're in a bad mood. What happened?' Blaine asked.

'My jeans smell homeless. Finn's becoming a pervert. My hair hates me. My eyes hate me. I think I'm losing my voice...and I just thought of a naked Rachel Berry. Oh gaga...' Kurt whimpered. Blaine shook his head. 'Everyone respects you now.' Kurts eyes widened and they examined Blaine carefully. Was he lying?

'Just because I intimidated them with my sword skills, deep voice and amazing talent?' Kurt asked sarcastically. Blaine nodded once, then backed away slowly.

'Sweet child of Katy Perry,' Blaine breathed, 'what the heck is Wes doing?'

Wes was lying on the floor, his hair sticking up and he looked like an insane person. He probably was. Kurt cleared his throat, straightened his jacket and said loudly, 'Wes, we need to talk to you urgently.'

Wes looked up, his neck cracking slightly. He arched an eyebrow and asked if it could wait. Blaine shook his head. 'Kurt's in a bad mood,' he mouthed.

Kurt elbowed him in the gut.

'What about?'

'It's about your hair, Wes. It's awful.' Kurt winced when he looked at Wes's hair. 'Plus, you have the potential to have amazing skin, but only if you have the right routine.'

'What?'

'Oh my gaga, I was messing with you Wes. Am I that gay?' Kurt laughed.

Silence.

'I'm that gay?' Kurt asked. Wes simply looked at Blaine and Blaine shook his head slowly. Kurt exhaled. He knew he looked gay, but so gay they believed him when he said something about skincare and hair?

Well, what I said was true, but that wasn't what I wanted to say. Oh god. I thought I was going to get slushied then.'

'Slushied?'

'A slushy thrown in your face.'

'Goddammit Kurt. How do you cope?'

'With the swords. I imagine I'm cutting off Puckerman's private part. It's great fun.'

Wes smiled and said, 'what did you want to talk to me about?'

'Why you're on the floor, whimpering like a fifty-year-old man who has just had Coach Sylvester lap-dance him.' Kurt said, completely deadpan. 'That's actually happened before.'

'Something private.' Blaine said. He wanted to serenade Kurt with a song that was NOT Pitbull.

'Actually, my friend and his sister are coming over for a while. She's quite fun, but scarily intelligent. Maybe she can help you, Blaine. Kurt, since when has Sue Sylvester lap-danced for a fifty-year-old man?'

'She lap-danced for Principal Figgins, just so the Cheerio's got to skip Spanish and go to a trampolining competition, which they won. Figgins has never really been the same.'

* * *

><p>' Hola Reinita!' yelled a voice. A girl of around fourteen or fifteen walked into the room. Her green-grey eyes sparkled with mischief and her long chocolate brown hair was tied into a ponytail which curled slightly down her left shoulder. Kurt examined her clothes. Skinny jeans- Kurt liked this girl- and a long, floaty t-shirt which had the words 'Rock Goddess' in black splayed acros the T-shirt and she was wearing a simple silver charm bracelet. She was fashionable, but casually so.<p>

'Hey Wes! How are you?' the whirlwind asked. She had a slight English accent.

'Hey, Analuiza.' Wes said warily.

'You call me that and I'll beat you to death wih my guitar.' The girl threatened cheerfully.

'When's Anthony coming?' Wes asked hopefully.

'He's outside. He didn't want to come in after I went in. I decided to come in to frighten you and it evidently worked. Well, something frightnened you.'

'You frightened me.'

'Oh good. I feel like I'm your friend now.' Analuiza turned to Kurt and Blaine. 'Hi,' she said. 'I'm Analuiza, half Irish and I don't like leprechauns.' She shook Blaine and Kurt's hand.

'I'm Blaine,' Blaine said, half shocked by this girl. 'This is Kurt.'

'Are you in the Warblers?' Analuiza asked. Blaine and Kurt nodded.

'Kurt can hit some awesome low and high notes.' Blaine said, embarrasing Kurt. 'I blackmailed him two days ago and he brought in his sai swords. He spun them around like crazy.' Blaine smirked. Analuiza examined Kurt.

'I like you two.' Analuiza said. 'Call me Luiza. It's spelt L-U-I-Z-A.'

* * *

><p>Luiza was standing in the empty room, on the stage. She was settling into the school well, as she always did. Kurt was new, so she spent a lot of time with him and Blaine. She learnt that they were boyfriends and jokingly, she had called them the 'It' couple. Kurt had replied with, 'We would be, if it weren't for Blaine's hair. It's curly.'<p>

Smiling, Luiza imagined a crowd of people in the empty seats, cheering her name. She began to sing her favourite song, Rolling in the Deep.

_There's a fire, starting in my heart.  
><em>_Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark.  
>Finally I can see you crystal clear,<br>Go ahead and sell me out, and I'll lay your ship bare.  
>See how I leave with every peace of you,<br>Don't underestimate the things that I can do._

'Nice,' Blaine said, stepping out of the shadows. 'Your voice really suits that song.' Blaine wasn't lying. Luiza was quite talented.

'Thanks,' Luiza blushed. 'Where's Kurt? You guys are like shadows.'

'He's gone shopping with his friends. He used to go to McKinley High.'

'We accidently broke down there. A guy helped me out. His name was Finn- said he was in Glee Club. His brother goes here.'

'Step-brother,' Blaine corrected. 'That's Kurt. Luiza, I need your help. I'm not good with romance and I want to serenade Kurt with a song. It's our one month anniversary coming up soon. He deserves a present. Problem is, I don't have a good song to sing to him. Can you help me?'

Luiza smirked. 'What are fairy godmothers for?'

* * *

><p>'So what kind of music does Kurt like?' Luiza asked.<p>

'Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Wicked...' Blaine trailed off.

'Teenage Dream?' Luiza suggested. Blaine shook his head.

'No, I sung that song to him the first time we met.'

'Cute.' Luiza commented. Blaine nodded.

'Look, I've brought my iPod with me. I'll try and find a song on here.' Blaine nodded, liking this suggestion.

'Seven colours in her hair...Good girl...Animal...'

'Animal?'

'By the Neon somethings.'

'Me and Kurt dueted on that song.'

'Cute-again. Hey there Delilah...Pack up...Skinnny Genes...'

'Skinny jeans?'

'G-E-N-E-S. Not skinny jeans as in the fashion statement. Oh, got it. Rhythm of Love, Plain White Tees!'

'Sorry, what?' Blaine coughed. Luiza rolled her eyes and let Blaine listen to the song. His eyes widened in appreciation.

'Well, it's either that or 'I'm too Sexy'.' Luiza stated.

'I think that song wil be perfect.'

Blaine smiled at Luiza and muttered his thank you's.

'Hey! Harry Potter look-a-like!' Luiza smiled. 'I always carry sheet music with me. Here.' she gave Blaine some sheet music.

'Enjoy.'

Blaine left the room smiling. He looked at the sheet music.

_I'm too Sexy by Right Said Fred_. Blaine laughed.

_Rhythm of Love, Plain White Tees_. Blaine started humming the song under his breath.

He didn't have to know that Kurt was busy teaching Finn how to sing 'Peacock' by Katy Perry to Puck and Rachel. He wasn't questioning the lyrics.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Kurt got three texts from Puck, Santana and Rachel.<p>

**DUDE. IT'S PUCK. I FREAKIN HATE YA RITE NOW. THX TO U, SANTANA'S IMAGINING FINNS PEACOCK AND BRITTANY IS SINGING THIS SONG TO KAROFSKY.**

** I HATE U DUDE. **

** PUCK ZIZ-PUCKERMAN**

**KURT HUMMEL,**

** HOW DARE YOU TEACH FINN TO SING THE DUNCE OF A SONG 'PEACOCK' AT ME. IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, I AM FEMALE. I DO NOT HAVE A PEACOCK. I BELIEVE WE WERE FRIENDS. NOW I NOW THAT'LL NEVER BE.  
>SUPERSTAR BERRY *<strong>

**Kurtie,**

** Wanky wanky with Blainey? Ooh lala-get some white boy.  
>Santana ;D xxx<strong>

Blaine wasn't sure why Kurt avoided Santana for the next week or so.


	3. Chapter 3: Ze Actual Serenade

**AN: Don't own Glee, 'Rhythm of Love' or Blaine…If I did…Blittany…okay, but I prefer Klaine. Okay, so I did edit Rhythm of Love, but I prefer it when Blaine changes 'She' to 'He'. Glee should cover this song. I don't own 'Animal' or Angry Birds, or Vogue. Ryan Murphy, you can't SUE Sylvester me, Do you know why? I don't own glee! Feel free to copy that.**

Luiza had left that morning. Blaine and Kurt would miss her- Kurt would miss her fashion sense and Blaine would miss her tips on how to control his hair.

'Blaine?' Kurt asked hesitantly.

'Yes?'

'Have you read the latest edition of Vogue?'

'No…have you?'

'No. Vogue is my bible, Blaine. I feel weird.'

'Of course you do. It's because you haven't read your bible yet.'

'That might be it, but I feel…not weird weird but something's-going-to-happen weird.'

_No_, Blaine thought, _he wouldn't guess._

'Maybe Santana's going to get slushied.' Blaine suggested smoothly.

'Oh no. The person giving the slushy to Santana- their body would be found in a ditch with the words 'LIMA LOSER' tattooed across their forehead.'

'Thanks for the image, Kurt.'

'Who was it?'

'Karofsky. I really need to punch him.'

'I'm surprised. You're thinking undapper thoughts.'

'I'm not dapper.'

'You are.'

Wes and David stepped in.

'What are you talking about?' Wes asked.

'Blaine is dapper, right?'

'Duh.' David said.

Blaine sighed. He would never be able to stop people calling him dapper and it was getting ANNOYING. 'Look, Kurt, meet me in the auditorium at 3 o'clock, okay?'

'You know when I have free periods,' Kurt said, impressed. Wes muttered something about, 'if you were straight and female, Blaine would know when your period _came_.'

Blaine promptly elbowed Wes in the gut.

'It's important. Aren't you late for your math's lesson?' Kurt smirked, then left for his lesson.

'I hate you two. Pity I have something important to do that includes the Warblers.'

'It's to do with Kurt, isn't it?' Wes guessed.

'How do you know?'

'You've got that dopey look on your face. You know, the one you get when Kurt smiles at you, or Kurt talks to you, or Kurt kisses you, or when your fantasizing about Kurt, or when you're thinking about Kurt…that face.' David said smugly, Wes nodding.

'Besides, I was considering adding to the Warbler's handbook that Rule 98B- Kurt and Blaine are forbidden to serenade each other.' Wes shot at Blaine.

'Shut up, guys. Will you help me?' Blaine muttered.

'Are you joking? Of course we'll help to sing to your lover.' David joked.

'Shut up, guys.'

'Which song are we singing then?' Wes asked.

'It's 'Rhythm of Love', Plain White Tees.'

'I'm surprised, Blaine. I thought you were so Top 40.' Wes admitted.

'Blaine? Your 'I heart Kurt' face is on. Snap out of it, and then tell us why your Kurt face was on.' David said, rolling his eyes.

Blaine snapped out of it. After some prompting, Blaine told them that Kurt had said that a few moments before Blaine confessed his love towards Kurt and kissed him.

'Too much info, Blaine. I'm getting visions.' David said. 'That's going to be my Facebook status, you know Blaine.'

* * *

><p>Kurt walked- well, strutted- into the auditorium, singing 'Animal' under his breath. The lights were dim and Kurt sighed. He sat down on a seat and began playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.<p>

'Kurt?' Jeff said soothingly.

'What, Jeff?' Kurt asked.

'I'd put your phone away. I mean, I think something's going to happen.' Jeff said. Kurt nodded, secretly thinking that Jeff should really use Color safe shampoo. He'd heard that Herbal Essences had recently done a line of shampoo that specializes in dyed hair.

Suddenly, Jeff apologized and left. The lights flicked on and there was Blaine and the Warblers, singing a song.

_My head is stuck in the clouds,_

_He begs me to come down,_

_Says 'Boy, quit foolin around.'_

_I told him, 'I like the view from up here,_

_Warm sand and wind in my ear,_

_We'll watch the world from above as it turns to the rhythm of love,'_

Blaine sang sweetly. The Warblers sung softly behind him and Kurt raised him eyebrows immediately. Why was he singing this song?

Then it hit him.

He'd forgotten about their one month anniversary. He was a horrible boyfriend. He thought about this very quickly though- he didn't want Blaine to see his train of thought.

_We may only have tonight,_

_But till the morning sun your mine,,_

_Play the music low and swing to the rhythm of love._

Kurt smiled.

_My heart beats like a drum,_

_A guitar sting to the strum_

_A beautiful song to be sung,_

_He's got blue eyes, deep like the sea,_

_That roll back when he's laughing at me._

Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes and laugh a bit. Blaine and the Warblers were dancing and singing at the same time. Kurt could see Wes and David trying not to laugh.

_He rises up like the tide,_

_The moment his lips meet mine._

_We may only have tonight,_

_But till the morning sun, your mine,_

_Play the music low,_

_And swing to the rhythm of love._

_When the moon is low,_

_We can dance in slow motion._

_And all your tears will subside,_

_All your tears will dry._

All the warblers stopped singing background vocals suddenly.

_And long after I've gone  
>You'll still be humming along<br>And I will keep you in my mind  
>The way you make love so fine<br>We may only have tonight  
>But till the morning sun you're mine all mine<br>Play the music low and sway to the rhythm of love__._

Blaine finished, smiling broadly at Kurt. Kurt simply raised an eyebrow and said, 'I'd have been happy with the new edition of Vogue.'

Racing forward, he leapt onto the stage and hugged Blaine. All the Warblers groaned and clapped. They all left, one by one, carefully averting their eyes as Blaine and Kurt kissed.

'Jeez, they're like rabbits, but without the humping!' Wes muttered. Blaine and Kurt stopped kissing enough to glare at Wes.

'It's the truth.'

All Kurt was thinking was, _what can I do to top this?_

It kind of came to him a few minutes later when Kurt was on the toilet. He would sing to Blaine.

'Why do all my epiphanies come when I'm on the toilet?' Kurt cursed.


	4. Chapter 4: FB CHAPTER

**AN: This is so dedicated to GleekHolly97, just because she made me smile! Don't own glee, don't sue me. Oh, it's the Facebook chapter.**

**Kurt Hummel** loves the song 'Rhythm of Love' now! Thank you Blaine!

**Mercedes Jones, Santana Wanky Lopez and 76 others like this.**

**Santana Wanky Lopez: **So, are you guys dating? If so…WANKY!

**Kurt Hummel: **Thanks for reminding me, Wanky-girl.

**Mercedes Jones: **Blainey boy, why is Kurt thanking you and have you been treating him right?

**Blaine Anderson: **Erm, I serenaded him. I think I'm treating Kurt right, but it wouldn't be enough. Plus, I have a feeling Santana is going to say 'wanky'.

**Santana Wanky Lopez: **Aw, you ruined it.

**Kurt Hummel: **Put this cyber-future telling on Blaine's wall or something.

**Blaine Anderson **wants to know if **Kurt Hummel** would check his messages…

**Finn Hudson likes this**

**Finn Hudson: **Also, I need your help. Will you help me?

**Kurt Hummel: **Yes, to both of you. Unless, Finn, you are having your perverted thought problem about Rachel, Quinn and Santana again.

**Blaine Anderson: **Thanks!

**Rachel Berry:** WHAT?

**Quinn Fabray: **WHAT?

**Santana Wanky Lopez: **Well, it was bound to happen.

**Finn Hudson: **Thanks, bro. What happened to, 'always respect your elders'?

**Kurt Hummel: **I'm four months older than you, Finn.

**Blaine Anderson has posted a video on Santana Wanky Lopez's wall.**

**Finn Hudson, Brittany Pierce and 963 others like this.**

**Santana Wanky Lopez: **Seriously, Blaine? This song is like, six words long. Nice to know you think that way about me- that's a total of three hundred people who want to tap this.

**Kurt Hummel: **Uh-huh? Like this post if you ever wanted to 'tap' Santana.

** Jacob Ben Israel likes this.**

**Kurt Hummel: **It's been three days, I don't think anyone likes you Santana.

**Santana Wanky Lopez: **Who made Jacob my friend?

**Brittany Pierce: **Me… my cat helped me type my name and switch on the computer.

**Blaine Anderson: **Good choice?

**Kurt Hummel: **Yeah!

**Sam Evans: **Never knew that song before now.

**Rachel Berry: **That is a terrible song.

**Kurt Hummel **officially loves **Blaine Anderson** and wants to tell everyone.

**Mercedes Jones, Sam Evans and 1986 others like this.**

**Wes Gavel: **That's including the Warblers and everyone at Dalton.

**Blaine Anderson: **Santana, you're forbidden from saying it forever.

**Santana Wanky Lopez:** w.a.n.k.y Is it because he posted 'I'm too sexy' on my wall?

**Artie Abrams: **Wait, what?

**Tina Cohen-Chang: **I'm new to this…is Blaine straight?

**Kurt Hummel: **DISLIKE!

**Blaine Anderson: **DISLIKE! I'M DATING KURT!

**Mike Chang: **Tina, erm…you'd better check your messages.

**Kurt Hummel: **Stop blowing up my notifications.

**Rachel Berry has posted a video on Blaine Anderson's wall.**

**Santana Wanky Lopez likes this.**

**Kurt Hummel: **Oh no…

**Blaine Anderson: **Delete it. Delete it now! NOW!

**Puck Puckerman: **That was embarrassing for me and my boy, Kurt.

**Kurt Hummel: **How did you get this video Rachel?

**Rachel Berry: **My dad had CCTV footage, due to the fact that Jacob Ben Israel once broke into my house to steal one of my pants. I was reviewing the CCTV footage, saw this and a fit of jealousy overcame me.

**Kurt Hummel: **Rachel, you posted a video of you and my boyfriend kissing, and then singing 'Don't you want me?' Whilst drunk. Rachel, are you trying to break me up with Blaine?

**Rachel Berry: **I'm so, so, sorry, Kurt.

**Kurt Hummel **wants everyone to know that he has defriended Rachel Berry.

**Blaine Anderson **wants to know if all the New Directions are on FB.

**Kurt Hummel likes this.**

**Kurt Hummel: **Well, Lauren isn't on this…Mr Shue is on this, but we've all decided to ignore him. Lauren is the only person, but you don't know Matt…

**Blaine Anderson: **Can I still add him?

**Kurt Hummel: **Do you need my permission?

**Blaine Anderson: **Yes.

**Kurt Hummel: **Go ahead, but explain to him who you are.

**Jesse St. James likes this.**

**Kurt Hummel: **How did I get you as my friend?

**Jesse St. James: **Rachel Berry gave me your password then you added me. You deleted the post that said that and we're here, doing this. (When I say 'you' I mean 'I')

**Jesse St. James **Blaine Anderson has a mean right hook.

**Kurt Hummel likes this.**


	5. Chapter 5: GAP and Elton John

**AN: It's been a while since I've updated-sorry about that. I'm usually a quick updater, so I really am confused as to why I didn't update sooner. Now, if I own Darren Criss and Chris Colfer, could I make them duet on 'Hot n Cold'? I don't, so it'll never happen…**** I don't own glee, don't sue me. Nor do I own that roadrunner and his weird 'meep meep' thing. Or Elton John…now there's a thought…Just so you know, I am terrified of pigeons. And I live in London.**

'Blaine?'

'Yes, Wes?'

'I'm David, Blaine. Not Wes, the Asian guy with the gavel, David, the guy who back flips extremely well.'

'Shut up.'

'Ooh, how undapper of you.'

'What do you want?'

'You know Kurt? Okay, stupid question. Of course you know Kurt, he's your boyfriend. Well, it's just that it's my girlfriend's birthday coming up, but I'm rubbish with presents. Do you think Kurt would mind if he went shopping for my girlfriend?'

'It's Kurt.'

'Oh yeah. My budget is nine hundred pounds.'

'Why are you talking to me about this?'

'We can't find Kurt.'

Blaine's eyes widened. He raced off, running so fast that that roadrunner from that cartoon would be jealous. Blaine imagined himself going 'meep meep' before shaking his head and knocking over Wes in his hurry.

'Hey! Blaine, I need to talk to you about-' Wes began. Blaine ran off, ignoring Wes.

'How rude,' Wes muttered, before putting his hands into his pockets and curled him fingers around his gavel.

* * *

><p>Kurt was practicing at the Gap, mostly because it helped him think about Blaine. He had planned to sing a song without the Warblers. If it was with the Warblers, it would just be copying Blaine. 'Your Song' was the perfect song to sing to Blaine really- it was slow, romantic and he knew the song practically off by heart.<p>

Speak of the devil.

Blaine rushed inside the shop, his eyes frantically searching for Kurt. He saw the counter-tenor and relaxed immediately. 'Kurt!' he half shouted across the room.

'Hi,' Kurt answered, a little bit confused. 'I thought they banned you from this place.'

'No, Jeremiah was fired, I got embarrassed.' Blaine corrected.

Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Didn't you get a warning or something?'

'Yeah…but that was only if I sang without permission in this place.'

Kurt smiled and the manager of the shop glared at Blaine and smiled at Kurt.

'Why is he smiling at you?' Blaine hissed.

'I shop here a lot,' Kurt smiled. 'He's practically my fairy godmother.'

'Why are you here?'

'I just answered that question. I shop here a lot.'

'In the same place where I sang to Jeremiah?'

'He's gotten rehired.'

'Can we leave? I don't want to see him.'

Kurt arched an eyebrow. 'Wait for me outside then. They've got this new range of sweaters and scarves. I need to see it.'

'Fine. I'll be in the coffee shop.'

Blaine walked out the store quickly, rushing down the escalators and looking over his shoulder every few seconds. He ordered an ice-cold coffee, since it was a hot day and began sipping at it slowly.

Kurt ran down the stairs and jumped into the seat next to Blaine, panting heavily.

'What's up, doggie?' Blaine teased.

Kurt stopped panting and glared at Blaine. 'I saw this exquisite scarf,' he began to explain, his eyes glazing over slightly. 'I was going to pay for it, until Jeremiah came and started the check-out. I panicked when he recognized me. I lost a cashmere scarf, Blaine.'

Blaine laughed, and then quickly attempted to stop, after seeing Kurt's heartbroken face.

'Well, David wants you to go shopping for his girlfriend. He's not good at that kind of thing, so he wanted to know if you could do it.'

Kurt's face was priceless. It was a mixture of happiness, shock and anticipation.

'Did you tell him yes? DID YOU TELL HIM YES?' Kurt shrieked happily. Blaine's eyes widened and he slowly nodded. Kurt hugged Blaine happily. He stopped abruptly.

'If you tell anyone about this, I'll tell Wes about your fear of pigeons.'

'Deal.' Blaine quickly agreed.

* * *

><p>In all honesty, Blaine hated being called a hobbit. Wes and David teased him enough with that nickname and Kurt smiled every time he was called that.<p>

So naturally, it was worse when he got that text from Mercedes.

**Hey, white hobbit. You hurt my man, Kurt, and I'll punch the lights out of you. Also, Kurt wants to meet you at the New Directions auditorium. **

**You take care of Kurt, freaky short guy. **

**Mercedes J xxxx**

Blaine cursed, then threw on a jacket and walked out the door. After a few minutes of trekking, cursing ('I'll never forgive you, Kurt!') and muddy shoes, he arrived at McKinley High. Santana gave Blaine the once over and whistled slowly.

'It's weird, but you look _hotter_. Blaine, if you want to go straight and tap this…' Santana ended the sentence with a flirty wink. She flounced up the stairs, linking pinkies with Brittany and looked at Blaine's stunned face.

'What?' Blaine asked as he processed this information, long after Santana had gone.

'She's my beard now dude,' Karofsky muttered and Blaine turned around to stare at him coldly. Karofsky met his glare and stalked up the stairs, pulling out a red beret and putting it on. This only increased Blaine's confusion, until Mercedes appeared.

'Come on, white boy. Auditorium.' Mercedes said, before looking at Blaine and raised her eyebrows. 'You'd better get cleaned up.'

After a quick trip to the male bathroom-Finn had graciously agreed to go with Blaine, and whilst Blaine was cleaning up, he was given the 'You hurt Kurt and I'll hurt you' talk- Blaine was directed to he auditorium.

Finn smiled and a blonde guy came to tell Finn that he was needed.

_Wow, _Blaine thought, _that guy has a huge mouth_.

Kurt stepped out onto the stage and waved at Blaine nervously. Blaine beamed at Kurt and Kurt blushed, raising an eyebrow at the same time.

'Your hair…it's that curly?'

'I've forgotten to gel it, haven't I?'

'Yes. I hope you like Elton John.'

Blaine wanted to ask how Elton John was relevant to his hair, when a bearded man came out onto the stage. He sat down at a giant piano.

Kurt smiled at Blaine hesitantly, before singing.

_It's a little bit funny this feeling inside  
>I'm not one of those who can easily hide<br>I don't have much money but boy if I did_

_I'd buy a big house where we could both live._

Blaine smiled at Kurt. The piano guy started playing, and Blaine was swept off his feet when Kurt began to sing again.

_If I was a sculptor, but then again, no_

_Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show,_

_I know it's not much but it's the best I can do._

_My gift is my song and this one's for you._

_And you can tell everybody,_

_This is your song._

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done,_

_I hope you don't mind,_

_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words_

_How wonderful life is now you're in the world._

Blaine mentally cooed over Kurt. He just looked so adorable, and Blaine wanted to see baby pictures.

_So excuse me forgetting,_

_But these things I do,_

_You see, I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue._

'Hazel,' Kurt quickly mouthed.

_Anyway, the thing is what I really mean,_

_Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen._

_And you can tell everybody,_

_This is your song._

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done,_

_I hope you don't mind,_

_I hope you don't mind,_

_That I've put down in words…_

_How wonderful life is, now you're in the world._

Kurt held that high note for a while, leaving Blaine, Sue Sylvester (who was secretly watching in the wings and was video-taping it for Wes and David) and the New Directions speechless.

Blaine climbed onto the stage easily, despite the height and Blaine's hobbitness. He hugged Kurt fiercely, before kissing him.

'Wanky!' Santana laughed, the sound probably echoing all over the world.

* * *

><p>'You know what I don't get?' Wes asked David later that day.<p>

'What?'

'I don't get the fact that Sue Sylvester just succumbs to our really bad blackmailing. I mean, she's done worse things than attempt to blast a girl out of a cannon and throwing a cat into a bin…oh. I just got why that's really good blackmailing material.' Wes realized.

David felt like slapping Wes.

**Okay, so that's that chapter. Now, the next chapter is based on a dream I had. Sorry if the next chapter is random, but I have really weird dreams and I woke up after my dream, just to write it down and write on the bottom of the post-it note, 'Must write for FF'.**

**Oh yeah, this one is dedicated to anyone who wants a chapter dedicated to them. :D **


	6. Chapter 6: Emo Cats

**AN: So, this was my weird, midnight dream. I have really disturbing dreams- once I had a dream about a ghost named Julio. Seriously. So, this is somewhere before Night of Neglect, if you want a timeline. I don't own Glee, this is my dream! Also, I do love Tangled, so you could say this is my new dream. I bang on about dreams a lot huh? Also, everyone is so nice to me! You should check out my other story. It's a one-shot, really awkward and not really funny. (See what I did? Reverse psychology!) Do you know that I can't write without listening to Blaine, Artie or Kurt? Don't read this if you don't like urinating cats. Don't say I didn't warn you. I am English, and I say 'pee'. So sue me.**

Everyone knew that when Wes got bored, something interesting would happen. So when he bought an emo cat- seriously, it seemed emo- no-one was surprised.

'Hey, Kurt?' Wes asked Kurt hesitantly. 'My old man doesn't like Meerkat, so can you keep him?'

In all honesty, Kurt doesn't like Meerkat either. He also doesn't like Meerkat's name. Meerkat as in the meerkat from 'Compare the meerkat, compare the market?'

No. Just no.

'Sure, I won't mind,' Kurt lied, beaming convincingly at Wes. He bought it, thanking Kurt and giving the Siamese cat to Kurt, who sadly cradled it.

'Why do you hate me?' He asked when Meerkat scratched Kurt's hair and delicate skin. The cat mewed in appreciation, as if he liked scratching Kurt's skin off.

'Kurt,' Blaine smiled. 'You're the person taking care of Meerkat?'

'Sadly, yes.'

'Sadly?' Blaine asked, picking up on the first, vital word.

'I don't like Meerkat. I like Wes. I owe Wes, actually.'

'How do you owe Wes?'

'Remember when you blackmailed me? Yeah, it took me forever to convince him not to give it Perez Hilton, or put it on his Facebook site.'

'Seems like something Wes would do.'

'Now, I'm stuck, babysitting the devil's pet. If there was a devil, who would probably be a blonde Rachel Berry with Sue Sylvester's mind: filthy, ruthless and really good at insulting other people.'

'Other people?'

'She likes me.'

'Why?'

'Mercedes is black, I'm gay.'

'You could create your own country.'

'Precisely.'

'Apparently, Sue doesn't like Mercedes anymore. She was throwing sticks at her.'

'Nice lady.'

Kurt snorted elegantly. 'Anyway, Britt's coming over today; do you want to meet her?'

'Brittany S. Pierce? Why not?'

Kurt smiled. If only Blaine knew what he was getting into.

'She's a good dancer, blonde and popular.'

'Dumb blonde, eh?'

Kurt raised an eyebrow, holding back the torrent of laughter which he was threatening to let loose.

'You could say that.'

* * *

><p>'Are you a dolphin?' Brittany asked.<p>

'Last time I checked no.' Blaine answered.

'Because you're like, a hot dolphin.'

'I'm a hot dolphin?'

'Yeah- dolphins are cold.'

'Nice. Can I get you anything to drink?'

'Saltwater taffy, please.'

'Saltwater taffy is a candy.'

'Well, can I have a cat?'

'Would you like a moody cat?' Kurt asked.

'No. I would like a Lebanese cat.'

'Lebanese?'

'Can you switch on a computer?'

'Erm…yes?'

'Wow…my cat helps me with that.'

'You have a cat.'

'Two…or three…or a hundred…'

'A hundred cats?'

'Can you dougie?'

'No.'

'It's easy.'

Kurt smiled as he watched Blaine attempt to fend off Brittany's startlingly dumb comments. Brittany then proceeded to teach Blaine how to do hairography, Blaine joining in enthusiastically.

Kurt smiled as he took out his phone and snapped a picture of this event. Wes would be ecstatic. Also, in Kurt's mind, this just made Blaine and Kurt even. _**(See Chapter One.)**_

'This is really fun! You know, I can't believe I've never met you before!'

'I can't believe it's not butter.'

'Okayyy,' Kurt laughed nervously, 'Blaine, you could teach this to David.'

'Do you want my head to be displayed on Wes's gavel?'

'Not really.'

'It would be really hard to make out with a piece of paper.' Brittany stated.

'So, when will Wes give you Meerkat?'

'The cat from hell?' Kurt asked his face utterly deadpan. Brittany almost broke down in tears.

'There's a cat from hell?' she whimpered.

'No, honey, there isn't. Kurt's just being moody.' Blaine comforted Brittany, almost laughing.

'Is he PMSing?' Brittany said sadly.

'…yes.'

'I thought boys couldn't do that.'

'Blaine, Wes is coming to give me his cat around 11-ish.'

'Kurt, it's 10.59.'

Kurt swore in his mind, as he ran to his spare wardrobe. He opened it, threw in a few, non-precious pillows and a filled a bowl of water. Burt and Carole were suspiciously happy about this arrangement. Kurt had explained it was only for a week or two and they seemed okay with it. Kurt shook his head in disbelief and cautiously, he put the bowl into the wardrobe and scowled. Meerkat was a moody, emo cat, so he would like the dark. The cushions were for Meerkat to sleep on.

Kurt walked hastily to his bedroom, where Brittany was currently singing something that sounded suspiciously like 'Do you wanna touch me'.

'Hot dolphin one,' she said. Blaine pointed to Kurt. 'I should go now. My phone just spoke to me with Santana's voice, and now… I'm not sure how to leave.'

'I'll show you out. Blaine, would you mind staying here for a while?'

'Nope- it's your bedroom. I can search it for any signs of secret suitors,' he said slyly, winking at Kurt, who blushed.

A few minutes later, Blaine was teaching Kurt how to dougie.

The doorbell rang.

Kurt raced downstairs, opening the door.

'Hey Kurt! Nice house.'

'Thanks. Do you want to come in?'

'I really can't- my girlfriend wants me to go to their cheerleading competition.' Wes thanked Kurt one more time, before leaving. Kurt held the cat away from himself and carried him up the stairs.

'Blaine. Get a cardboard box, stat.'

'Just so you know, James Bond called. He wants his language back.'

'Whatever, Blaine.' Kurt said tiredly. He unceremoniously dumped the cat on the floor. Meerkat hissed and raced towards the dark.

'See? Emo cat!' Kurt muttered. Blaine smiled at Kurt. He just seemed so defeated by this cat.

'I'd rather have an emo puppy. That would be much cooler.' Kurt admitted.

'I'd rather have a puppy.' Blaine countered.

'I'd rather have anything that's not _that_.' Kurt said, waving his hand towards the cat. Blaine picked the cat up expertly, put the cat in Kurt's big, empty spare wardrobe and closed the door hastily.

'That's a grumpy cat,' he whistled.

* * *

><p>'Mr Hummel? My name is Blaine Anderson; I'm here to pick up Kurt.' Blaine explained, his 'dapper' mode kicking in. Wes and David had unceremoniously gave him this nickname after seeing Blaine and David's girlfriend's mum in the same room.<p>

'I don't doubt that.' Burt said gruffly. 'He's in his bedroom, still getting ready. I'm keeping my eye on you kid- if he cries, I'll be after you.'

'Don't frighten Blaine away, Burt.' A gentle woman's voice gently chided Burt. 'I'm Carole, Kurt's stepmom.'

'Hello, Mrs Hummel.' Blaine offered his hand. Instead, he got pulled into a hug and a low '_ignore my husband_' was muttered in his ear.

After a few minutes of the Spanish Inquisition, Blaine was allowed to go up to Kurt's room.

'Kurt?' He asked, knocking on the taller boy's bedroom door.

'It's just me, Blaine.'

'I'm on the toilet, Blaine. Come in though.'

Blaine opened the door and heard a horrible hissing and scratching noise coming from the wardrobe. He opened the door and instantly, a streak of brown flashed by. He fell over in surprise, collapsing against Kurt's bed. The cat nimbly jumped onto Blaine's knees. Meerkat's eyes narrowed slightly and he jumped onto Blaine's head.

'KURT!' Blaine yelled.

'WHAT?'

'EMO! CAT! KILLING! MY! HAIR!' Blaine bellowed.

'One second!'

'I'm one second away from CERTAIN DEATH!'

Meerkat was slashing at Blaine's hair and scalp furiously. Suddenly he stopped, and positioned himself. 'Kurt…'

'What? I'm almost done, I swear.'

'I think he's going to pee on my face.'

'WHAT?'

'Get this stupid, frickin, emo cat off my hair!'

The door to the bathroom slammed open and Blaine managed to catch a glimpse of his saviour. The light was still on, so all Blaine saw was Kurt's silhouette dramatically contrasting with the blinding light. Kurt rushed forward, just as Meerkat began to pee on Blaine.

'Close your mouth and eyes!' Kurt advised, Blaine automatically following his instructions. He had to admit, that really helped.

'DAD!' Kurt shouted, hitting that high F, just to get his father's attention. Carole, Burt and Finn came into the room. They all saw the situation. Finn ran off to get tissues. Carole opened the window and Burt picked up the urinating cat and threw it out the window. Kurt rushed Blaine to the toilet to wash his face while the others sat in a stunned silence.

'If that cat ruined my bed, I'll kill it happily.' Kurt threatened and no-one doubted him.

Burt broke down into silent laughter, having to leave the room to calm down. Finn did the same and Carole simply rolled her eyes and began to smile. She winked at Kurt, mouthed '_real keeper_' then left the room in silent hysterics.

'Blaine?'

'Hmm?'

'Are you okay?'

'Hmm-hmmm.'

'You can speak, you know.'

'An evil cat just peed on my face. I'm in a state of shock. It'll wear off eventually.'

'How do you know?'

'This isn't the first time.'

'I've had pee balloons thrown at me.'

'You've definitely had worse.'

Kurt smirked as he said, 'I always get the worse situations.'

Blaine washed his face in silence.

'Kurt?'

'Yes?'

'What will we tell Wes?'

'The truth.'

'That a cat urinated on my face?'

'Maybe not the whole truth.'

'Should we cancel our plans tonight?'

Kurt merely nodded. Blaine borrowed some clothes from Finn and they both changed into sweatpants and cotton t-shirts.

'Which Disney film today, sir?' Kurt mockingly asked. Blaine pointed towards 'Tangled' and they settled down to watch the sweet story together, laughing in synchronisation.

* * *

><p>'I don't like that Blaine person.' Burt admitted.<p>

'Why not?' Carole asked, frowning. Blaine seemed like a charming young gentleman with an unfortuate problem.

'He told me to give Kurt 'the talk' and he's just had a cat pee on his face.'

'Good points, but Kurt loves Blaine. Can't you see it?'

'Yes…but it doesn't mean I have to like it.'

'It _does _mean you have to like it.'

'I liked Blaine, you know? I was just trying to be a protective father.'

'Yeah…right.'

* * *

><p>Kurt searched frantically for Wes.<p>

'Kurt? How's my cat?'

'I hate your devil cat.' Kurt admitted. He then told Wes the whole story. At the end, Wes was so stunned, he dropped his gavel. (Jeff told everyone, so soon it became a legend.)

'My cat…urinated…on Blaine Anderson, our lead soloist?'

'Yeah, pretty much.'

'So you threw him out the window.'

'Oh, don't worry. The cat survived.' Kurt moaned, sourness creeping into his voice at the last few words.

Wes suddenly laughed so hard, people would say there was an earthquake hitting Dalton's library.

'I want to see pictures.' Wes said.

'I should introduce you to my step-brother, Finn.'

'Has he got photos?'

'No. He's a quarterback on the football team and will smother you with his foot if you tell anyone- do you understand me?'

'Kurt Hummel, blackmailer…has a certain ring.'

'I'll tell your girlfriend about your crush on Brittany.'

'Done.'

* * *

><p><strong>So that's that chapter! I'll probably be updating at a more reasonable speed from next week, then afterwards, crazy crazy updaty updaty! <strong>

**At the risk of repeating myself: Don't say I didn't warn ya!**


	7. Chapter 7: Adviceish

**AN: So, this one…I don't know, it's not really my best, I don't think. I don't own glee. I think I'll start taking prompts, if anyone wants too…you know, give me an idea. Also, I really, really recommend 'Kiss' by foraworldunderserving. It's really awesome. I'm going to dedicate this one to….TeamBartie! Partly because, I also heart Bartie (Brittana? Noo! I'm not a homophobe, but P.Y.T just made me think they should last forever…) and also because her avatar is cool- and she reviewed! Same goes to GleekHolly97. This one's…hmm, maybe not. I got this idea by listening to 'Somewhere Only We Know' thousands on times. I don't actually know why Kurt's in his usual outfit, and Blaine's in Dalton uniform, unless Kurt transferred back…It isn't my best chapter…actually, if you two want this to be dedicated to you, then it is. ;D The next chapter is dedicated to anyone who spots the Doctor who quote! It's in 'THE PANDORICA OPENS' or 'THE BIG BANG'! Oh, don't own that either. OH, MY FIRST BLAINE POV! This one isn't fluffy or angsty or funny. Just…comforting…okay, a little angsty, but not really. It contains Santana crying…in this one, I think Kurt and Santana are on good terms, due to the Cheerios and the fact that I've never seen them argue. It's also my story…huh. That sounded mean…**** Haven't seen Born This Way yet, but trust me, when I do…more Klaine will come your way! Unless they break up. They'd better not break up….grrrr….**

**BLAINE POV (WOOHOO!)**

In all honesty, I hadn't really expected this to happen.

Here I was, sitting at Dalton, just doing my homework, when I got a text from Santana. It said 'meet me at BreadStix now'.

Naturally, I expected Santana to give me the deluxe 'hurt Kurt and I'll kill you' talk. So, imagine my surprise when I saw Santana crying at the popular restaurant. 'Santana?' I asked, surprising her and myself with the softness of my voice. 'Are you okay?'

She glared at me with such vulnerability. I knew she was supposed to be a bitch, but she just seemed like she needed a friend. I was determined to be that friend, even if it was for a few minutes.

'What do you think?' Santana replied roughly.

'No?'

'Well done, Sherlock.'

I've got to admit, I'm not usually a curious person. But come on, when there is a girl, who your boyfriend thinks quite interestingly of is crying, who wouldn't be curious?

'Why are you crying?' I asked. There was a long, awkward silence which I broke.

'Why did you tell me to come here?'

'Do you know?'

'Yeah, I have an idea,' I admitted.

'Well, shut up then!' Santana growled angrily, her voice gruff but sad.

'Why are you so upset over me dating Kurt? I thought that you would take pleasure in giving me the 'hurt Kurt, I kill you' talk.' I said, confused.

'You thought I called you here for that?' Santana asked.

'Yes,' I stated. Now, I was really confused. There was another long silence. During it, Santana seemed to be thinking hard about how to say something.

'How did you know you were gay?' Santana suddenly queried. I caught my breath a little bit. I was forcing the memory out of my mind, but I decided I'd better comfort this crying girl. If it meant my personal back-story told to her, well then, so be it.

'I…' my voice failed. 'I realised it during my math class at my old school. Earlier that day, a bully was really, really tormenting me. A lot like Karofsky and Kurt, actually.' I felt a stab of anger fill me. 'I began thinking about…about why he was treating me like this. I went to a severely homophobic school, Santana. Please remember that. I remembered all of my behaviour over the past few weeks, and then it just hit me. I was gay. It was kind of like forcing me to see myself in another light. It's actually pretty similar as to how I realised I loved Kurt, actually.' I smiled at the mention of his name.

'Good. I'm glad you love Kurt.' Santana said, mirroring my smile.

'Look, I realised what I was. For some reason, I was really depressed about this. It must have shown, because I was called a 'depresso homo' which just made me sound like cup of expresso.'

Santana giggled slightly.

'Why are you asking me this?' I asked softly. She didn't answer me. 'You aren't a lesbian-' I began.

'I am. I just wanted to make sure I actually am a lesbian, and not going through a 'phase',' Santana admitted, using air quotes for the word 'phase'. She started crying again and I was wondering if it would begin to rain.

Right then, it began to rain.

'How cliché,' Santana murmured. 'Rainy when I'm sad.' I walked right up to Santana and gave her my jacket. She looked cold, in just her tank top and loose jeans.

'Why didn't you call Kurt?' That question started nagging me, so I just had to ask.

'I didn't want to be given the whole 'you're gay, be proud of it' talk. I mean, that's Kurt, and I do like him for that, but I'm really confused. Also, you're pretty hot, so I figured if I was straight, I would be turned on by you.'

'I'm complimented, Santana. So, what are you feeling?'

'Nada.'

'Face it- if you don't fancy me, you're gay.' I joked.

'Yeah…'

'Do you want to tell me how you realised you were…you know?'

'Through song and Miss Holiday.' Santana smiled wryly as she began to recount her own experience. 'Brittany brought up the subject and we went to that preppy substitute teacher. I had a suspicion, but I didn't want to address it. We sang 'Landslide' and that's how I knew. I was in love with Brittany.'

'Have you considered the fact that you're just in love with Brittany?'

'Yes. I thought that until I caught myself checking out Stretchy McMark's (**AN: Quinn)** rack. That's probably when I knew.'

'Wow. I prefer your outing than mine, I must admit.'

'Really?'

'Oh, yeah. Songs are much cooler than epiphanies. I like both equally though.'

Santana smiled and thanked me for coming here to talk to her.

'Oh, just so you know, if you do hurt Kurt, I will cut off your private part slowly with a blunt knife, then I will take away all your gel and I will punch you in the groin several times. Got that?'

I nodded.

I walked back to Dalton. Thankfully, Kurt had a family dinner and Wes and David were at the coffee shop with their significant others. I was glad for the alone time.

Who knew Santana could be so in need of a friend? I'd seen a different side of her no-one else had probably seen, with the exception of Brittany I guess. I'd probably never see that side of her ever again. I began listening to some music on my iPod. That encounter with Santana really made me feel angry. She probably didn't want to come out because of Kurt's experience with the stupid, homophobic bullies. They would all bully Santana harshly, and she seemed the kind of girl who was popular. It would tear her world down if she came out of the closet.

'Blaine?' an angelic voice asked.

'Yes?' I answered.

'How was your day?' Kurt questioned eagerly. I decided to keep Santana's secret.

'Uneventful. Wes and David went out with their girlfriends, so I just stayed here.'

'Great. You know, Dad and Finn couldn't stop talking about that incident last week.'

'About the evil cat that loves me just a little too much?'

'Yes. They also couldn't stop talking about that football game.' Kurt said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. I laughed and kissed him. He was just so adorable sometimes.

Later, before I went to sleep, I found myself thinking about Brittany. I felt pity for her. I felt like she was torn in two- I knew she was dating Artie, but Santana was in love with her.

_The course of true love never did run smooth. _

Great. I was now quoting Shakespeare.


	8. Chapter 8: Kicker

**AN: So, I know this has been done thousands of times, but in this one, Kurt becomes Dalton's newest kicker- just for the day though. Humph…I'm pretty sure I don't…own…glee…sad face… **

**If I owned Glee, would I own Klaine? If so…I own glee! Oh, I don't by the way. Aww… So, no-one found the DW quote. It's 'well, shut up then.' It's said by Amy Jessica Pond- no worries though. I'm a massive Whovian. **

* * *

><p>'So, Jeff's hurt his leg whilst practicing for our next game. It'll take a few weeks for it to heal.'<p>

'Are you joking? Who's going to be our kicker?'

Kurt rolled his eyes as he watched his boyfriend and his crazy gavel-obsessed friend worry over the next football game.

'Who's really good at kicking a ball?' Blaine continued.

'This is the problem- we've held kicking auditions and no-one is coordinated enough to kick a ball.' Wes admitted.

'What about David?'

'He's going slightly crazy.' Wes smiled. He apologized and had to go take a call from his girlfriend. Blaine turned around, looking slightly depressed.

'Blaine, Dad wants to know if you'll come over to our house. It's Carole's birthday, and she doesn't want me to cook. So bring junk food or something. Carole said you could.' Kurt pouted angrily. 'It'll be awful.'

'What about your dad and Finn?' Blaine asked curiously.

'Are you joking? I banned them from the kitchen,' Kurt admitted.

'You banned them from the kitchen.' Blaine repeated.

'They were eating my supplies!' Kurt exclaimed.

* * *

><p>Blaine trekked to Kurt's house, carrying a huge tub of fried chicken and chips. It was too close to drive, but too far to call it a walk.<p>

_Trekked is the best word,_ Blaine thought. After the humiliating experience of going to KFC and buying this huge tub of chicken, being hit on by precisely six girls, having to tell five of them he was gay and the other one that he was going to his significant other's house, Blaine was glad to see Kurt outside the house pacing across the patio.

_Pacing?_

'Kurt!' Blaine shouted.

'Hey,' Kurt muttered under his breath. He was still walking quickly across the patio.

'So,' Blaine told Kurt, 'I've got the fried chicken, I'm pretty sure I'm desirable to both sexes and I'm worried that you are going to have a heart attack.'

'Oh…I'm just worried about the fried chicken I noticed in your hand.'

'Pig out a little, Kurt.'

'If I pig out a little, it's a lot for me.'

'It's only a little bit for me.'

'Yeah, but it's for _you_. You probably do this all the time.' Kurt murmured. 'Come on in.'

'Hang on a sec,' Blaine said. He hesitated for a moment, before stepping inside and shuddering.

'What's up?' Kurt asked.

'The last time I was here, a cat urinated on my face.' Blaine explained.

'How could I forget?' Kurt laughed.

'Shut up,'

'Oh, take me to the third degree burns department.' Kurt said sarcastically.

'Shut up.'

'How undapper.'

'Now you just sound like David.' Blaine smirked. Kurt shut up pretty quickly- you only sounded like David if you were going to a mental asylum.

* * *

><p>'…so now we haven't got a kicker.' Blaine finished telling his story to an eager Burt.<p>

'Kurt hasn't told you that he was-'

'Dad…' Kurt trailed off, seemingly silencing Burt.

'What?' Blaine asked. He knew Kurt was a cheerleader. After all, Sue had come up to him and threatened him with 'a very, very erotic lap-dance wearing all of William Shuester's hair gel, even though it isn't possible if you ever hurt my Porcelain, since he used to be one of my Cheerios. One of my best Cheerios, actually.'

Kurt and Burt seemed to be having a silent argument using only their eyes.

'What has Kurt never told me?' Blaine asked.

Kurt glared at Blaine and Blaine recoiled slightly.

'He used to be a kicker.' Burt said, throwing caution to the winds. Kurt pushed him, but Burt hardly noticed.

'Excuse me?'

'I used to be a kicker.' Kurt admitted.

'Are you sulking now?' Blaine and Burt asked together.

There was no answer.

'Will you try out?'

There was still no answer.

* * *

><p>Kurt cursed Blaine and his father to the deepest pits of Tartarus. He had put on three pounds, no thanks to Blaine's KFC Family deal, and now he couldn't fit into his favorite skinny jeans that were specifically tailored to Kurt's size and smaller.<p>

Putting on his old converses and Ray-Bans, he stepped outside and started jogging.

'Damn Blaine,' Kurt whispered as he almost immediately tripped over a miniscule rock. The jog lasted a few hours, and Kurt was sure that he had lost at least five pounds.

'Two pounds and a half?' Kurt bellowed when he weighed himself.

* * *

><p>'At least come watch them practice,' Blaine pleaded.<p>

'Fine. But I really think someone should redesign the outfits.'

'Uniforms.' Blaine corrected.

'Love a man in uniform.' Kurt deadpanned. Blaine was silent for a little bit before Kurt raised an eyebrow.

'I love you too.'

'So, was your father joking when he said you were a kicker?'

'No, not really.'

'Oh? Care to give us a go?'

'You would laugh at me.'

'Why?'

Kurt sulked for a bit before telling Blaine the truth. Blaine started laughing loudly.

'I'm pretty sure I could do better than that,' Blaine smirked.

'Well that's my method and I'm sticking to it.' Kurt said angrily. He stormed off to his dormitory. He came back with a CD player and a CD and snapped his fingers at Thad.

'I'm auditioning for the role of kicker.' Kurt said, his voice just a little bit cold. Thad's eyes widened as he took this information in.

'Can you wait a second?'

'Sure.'

Thad quickly phoned Wes and told him the news. Within a few seconds, almost all the school was waiting in the stands for Kurt's audition.

'Hey, Blaine, if Kurt doesn't do well, well…can you do it?' Wes hissed.

'Sure,' Blaine answered automatically. 'I mean, I know Kurt can do this, so really, you don't need to ask me.'

'Right…' Wes laughed, raising his eyebrows.

'Do you need the music?' Thad asked.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. 'Without the music, I'm Rachel Berry with laryngitis.' He explained.

'Who's Rachel Berry?' Thad asked.

'My body is like Barbara Streisand without the warm-ups. It's still good, but not at its best.' Kurt explained further.

'What?'

'Yes, I need the damn music!' Kurt snapped.

'Jeez, you could've just said.' Thad muttered.

'I did say.'

* * *

><p>Blaine was terrified. If Kurt didn't do this, his dignity was ruined. He seriously doubted Kurt could do it, anyway. Either way, Blaine was screwed. He would either have his dignity stripped, or his boyfriend a better kicker than him. He didn't mind- he really wouldn't want to be a professional footballer.<p>

'_Cause if you liked it well you should have put a ring on it,_

_If you liked it, well you shoulda put a ring on it,_

_Don't be mad once you see that he want it, _

_If you liked it well you shoulda put a ring on it,_

The chorus of the dreaded song echoed across the training pitch. Blaine put his hands in his hands. This was just embarrassing. Kurt was dancing to the song using his 'Single Ladies' dance. Blaine recognized the dance from when he blackmailed Kurt.

Oh dear god, he was a horrible boyfriend.

'Is that his 'Single Ladies' dance?' Wes asked. 'I think I remember it when you blackmailed him for his Gucci loafers.'

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

Kurt danced and kicked the ball so hard, it flew over the pitch. Blaine would often look back on this event, but the same difference was that the ball was in slow motion. It flew over the goal.

There was a stunned silence.

'So…when will Blaine finally admit that my strategy works?' Kurt questioned evilly.

_I bet I've lost that extra half a pound. _Kurt thought.


	9. Chapter 9：Born This Way

**AN: 'KURT HUMMEL IS BACK AT MCKINLEY!' Yep, I saw Born This Way! I almost fainted from the all the klaineness…So, this has been done before, I think. I've read it somewhere. Actually, I have a whole page in my diary dedicated to this- it's all about ideas. Blaine watches A Very Potter Musical…Blaine finds out about Rocky Horror…if only I owned Glee!. **

**Don't own glee, can't sue me. I've actually joined my school's glee club- shocked face! :O **

**Okay, longest Author's Note ever, but there is this super mega awesome story called Kiss; you've just gotta read it. It's one of my favorite stories, so check it out! Check it out? That sounds suggestive…(yes, perfect opportunity to quote Chris Cofler) **

**In this one, Blaine sees Kurt's BTW shirt and Rachel (lets just pretend she didn't see Somewhere Only We Know) freaks out.**

* * *

><p>Kurt beamed at Mercedes happily.<p>

'Kurt, as glad as I am to see you here, I would like to know why I saw the Dalton Academy Warblers leaving the school premises.' Rachel said rapidly. Kurt raised his eyebrows.

'You didn't get my text?'

'I switched off my phone.'

'That's why you didn't get my fifty-six calls begging you not to get a nose-job.' Mercedes glared at Rachel.

'You're getting a nose job?' Kurt shrieked, accidently hitting a high F.

'I am simply fixing my deviated septum. It might help me improve my singing.' Rachel explained.

'You're singing is fantastic. It's almost as good as mine. Damn your talent.' Kurt muttered.

'My talent should not be damned.' Rachel glared at Kurt, who simply stared back.

'You mean, you'd rather become a plastic fantastic than have your talent damned?' Kurt shot back.

'It isn't my choice.'

'Oh, believe me, it is.'

'I'm doing this for the good of New Directions.'

'How am I supposed to believe that?' Kurt asked.

'Due to my job- co-captain of the New Directions.' Rachel said pompously, throwing her head back. 'Anyway, when I told that I was getting a nose-job before, you didn't seem so…hypocritical.'

'You told me your nose was broken. You never said you were getting a nose-job.'

'Hold up,' Mercedes said quickly. 'Is it true?'

'The whole, 'I want to put 'likes… you-know'?' on my shirt?' Kurt asked.

Mercedes nodded; Rachel's eyes widened.

''Likes Boys' wasn't your original choice? What was it, then? I don't think you could have anything else on your shirt apart from 'Likes Boys'. Well, you could've had 'Sarcastic' but I think that makes you, you.' Rachel rambled on.

'I originally wanted it to say 'Likes Blaine'.' Kurt explained.

'Why would you want that?' Rachel asked.

'I forgot I didn't tell you.' Kurt rolled his eyes. 'I'm dating Blaine, and not in my head anymore.'

'You. Are. Dating. Our. Competition.' Rachel said shrilly.

'You. Are. A. Hypocrite.' Kurt fired at Rachel teasingly.

'How am I a hypocrite?' Rachel said, throwing her hands about in the air.

'One name; Jesse St. James.' Kurt smirked, knowing he had beaten Rachel.

'That didn't count!'

'How?' Mercedes asked. Ever since she poured her heart out to Rachel on the Night of Neglect, she had been bonding slightly with Rachel, but she would almost always take Kurt's side.

'Well, for a start, I didn't go to Jesse's school.' Rachel began.

'Hey! I transferred because I was being bullied!' Kurt yelled.

'Then, well…it wasn't in my head.' Rachel carried on. Mercedes and Kurt both sub-consciously put on their 'bitch, please' look and Rachel did a double take. 'You guys are good at that.'

'Look, I'm dating Blaine and you seriously can't expect me to break up with him because of that.' Kurt summarized.

'You wanted me to break up with Jesse,' Rachel mumbled.

'Blaine isn't a spy.' Kurt stated.

'I don't think so. Anyone who is that good a kisser isn't a spy.' Rachel murmured quietly.

'Excusez-moi, hypocrite qui aime plus qu'elle-même en plastique?' Kurt asked, quirking an eyebrow. (**AN: That means, 'excuse me, hypocrite who likes plastic in herself, really rough translation**) Finn passed by with a confused expression.

'It's French, Finn.' Kurt said without turning around.

'Can you translate?' Rachel asked.

'No- the reason I insult in French is because you can't understand me and then you spend a long time trying to figure out what I said, which basically makes you think of bad things about yourself,' Kurt explained. 'imbécile,'

'I understand that much! Don't call me an imbecile.'

'La jeune fille à la chirurgie plastique.' Kurt finished. Mercedes held her hand out and Kurt high-fived it expertly.

'Whatever. Look, why were the Dalton Academy- oh, it makes sense now. Did they want to say goodbye?'

'I'm pretty Santana was filming their goodbye to me. You could watch it if you like.' Kurt deadpanned.

'Why not? I suppose they sung to you.'

'Yes… 'Somewhere only we know','

'How romantic…' Rachel said her voice just a little bit dreamy.

* * *

><p>Blaine grimaced. He was trekking- <em>again? I was only here a few days ago…<em>- to Kurt's home.

He knocked on the door quickly. He was dying to see his boyfriend after a few days with no Kurt. Wes and David famously found him crying into his pillow when he realized Kurt wasn't going back to Dalton.

'Blaine!' Kurt shouted from his bedroom window. Blaine looked up and-_oh my god, has Kurt styled his hair differently?_

'Hey!' Blaine yelled. 'Can I come in?'

'No.' Kurt said sarcastically. He closed the window and ran down the stairs, opening the door and smiled radiantly at Blaine.

'Your hair,' Blaine began, 'is amazing.'

'Why, thank you.'

It truly was. It was styled in a short quiff. Blaine smiled at Kurt hesitantly before he stepped inside.

'So, we did Lady Gaga today.' Kurt said. 'I thought I might try styling my hair differently. We had to accept ourselves.'

'Well…we performed at a nursing home today and Wes hit David on the head with his gavel.'

Kurt raised his eyebrows before giggling.

'Aren't you hot?' Blaine asked.

'Yes,' Kurt said without missing a beat.

'So take your jacket off.'

'Wait- I thought we meant hot as in 'David Henrie' hot.'

'Well, you are that too.'

'I am hot.'

Rolling his eyes, Kurt took off his jacket, revealing his t-shirt to Blaine.

His t-shirt which said 'Likes Boys' in big, bold letters.

'Nice shirt,' Blaine commented. He began to race up the stairs before pausing, then turning around. Kurt quickly explained the story of the shirt.

In the bedroom, they shared a quick kiss before settling down to watch a movie. The movie ended and Kurt was looking at Blaine oddly.

'What?' Blaine asked.

'Rachel freaked out about me dating you. She thought you would steal the New Directions' setlist or something like that.'

'Oh?'

'She also said you were a good kisser.' Kurt added.

'Oh…' Blaine trailed off. He started humming 'Somewhere only we know' under his breath.

'Blaine, I wanted this shirt to say something else.'

'Did they pressure you to wear that shirt? Do you want to come back to Dalton? Yes!' Blaine said, pumping his fist into the air.

'Actually, I wanted it to say 'Likes Blaine' instead of what it actually says.' Kurt said. Blaine sat in silence for a while.

'Blaine, say some-_mmph!_'

Blaine kissed Kurt fiercely.

'Blaine…' Kurt mumbled.

'What?' Blaine demanded, pulling his mouth off Kurt's.

'I'm pretty sure I just saw Wes and David recording our conversation.'


	10. Chapter 10: Phone Call

**AN; Yay! So, this story seems popular. This is another one of my 'dream' drabbles, my other one being the one with the emo cat. Now, I found this one weird because it just **_**is. **_**As someone- TeamBartie, I think- said, I have seriously **_**weird **_**dreams. Now, would you rather have my next chapter be my first two-parter chapters with Luiza in about the New Directions being taught how to be 'sexy' with Blaine and Kurt, or Blaine, Wes, David, Kurt, Thad and Jeff playing a game where they either tell the truth, or strip? You could also have a Hudson-Hummel family dinner with Blaine, Wes locking Kurt and Blaine breaking up with Wes's girlfriend for Wes. You can choose. There are a few more choices…Brittany, Finn, Kurt and Blaine in Finn's bedroom, Blaine watching AVPM, Blaine finding out about Rocky Horror…Wes and David documenting KLAINE and Kurt finding out…Coffee deprived Blaine…you choose. Sorry, way too much spoilers, right? Just review…or PM me. **

**I have disturbing dreams. Blaine breaking up with Wes's gf was in the style of Club Penguin. Also, I think Kurt would have an iPhone. Just saying…can't wait to see Rumours…its spelt the English way, which is weird, right? I though glee was American. Unless the way Rumours is spelt is actually American. **

**Never mind. **

**So, my first glee club session was today. I got a solo, which was weird, a younger girl did cartwheels, which reminded me of Brittany and there was only one boy. **

**Did you know that I always read 'Kiss' everyday? It's the most awesome (again with the word awesome) story ever! Well, there are some others. **

**I'm considering making a story about Dalton after Kurt leaves. It will definitely be Klaine, with Bartie and Samtana (awesome (oh god, awesome again! Oh, brackets within brackets) ship name!)**

**I'm so sorry I haven't been updated in ages. **

**One last thing because this is a pretty long AN: Why does everyone hate glee covers? I think it's better than the original sometimes. For example, 'Animal' and BICO. I'm not even sure who it's by!**

**Glee should so do, 'Anything you can do, I can do better' sung by Rachel and Kurt. Kurt should win. Because Rachel shouldn't always win. Please read 'We all float on' because it's awe-perfect! Like Kiss.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned glee, I'm not even sure it would be popular.**

* * *

><p>'Rachel is slightly overrated. Puck and Santana would do an awesome duet, Lauren…well, apparently she did 'I Know What Boys Like' but I never heard that. Finn is an amazing singer, but seriously? You and I have a better harmony then Finn and Rachel- I suppose they are good…' Kurt's voice crackled slightly as Kurt's voice rose in exasperation. Blaine grimaced. He hated listening to Kurt from the phone.<p>

'Why are you bitching on about your glee club?' Blaine asked honestly.

'…Mr Shuester denied me a solo just because it was a girl's song. It's the 'Defying Gravity' fiasco _again_. I wanted to sing a song because it fit the assignment! They wouldn't let me.' Kurt explained sadly. Blaine felt an overwhelming surge of shock and anger fill his body. Kurt sighed quietly. Blaine knew he had transferred because he missed New Directions, but he just didn't understand how he listened to Rachel freaking Berry every single day and not be insane!

'Which song?' Blaine asked quietly.

'You don't want to know.' Kurt sighed.

'I do kind of want know.' Blaine countered.

'Teenage Dream…'

'Teenage Dream?' Blaine shrieked.

'I missed you! It was either that, or 'Animal'.'

'If you missed me, why don't I just transfer to McKinley?' Blaine queried. There was a long silence. Blaine fidgeted for a while. Wes and David came into the room, before looking at Blaine and leaving.

'I would like that. But no.'

'Why not?'

'Do you want me to list the reasons?'

'Yes.'

'One: Rachel would think you were spying. Two: You'll be bullied mentally. Three: The Warblers need you. Four: Wes and David need you. Badly. They're so far in the closet! I'm tempted to lock them in my wardrobe until they eventually make out with each other. Five: The football team sucks. Six-'

'Okay, I get it.' Blaine said, rolling his eyes.

'Don't roll your eyes at me, Blaine Christopher Anderson.' (**AN: Yes, I used Chris Colfer's full first name. So sue me.**)

'How did you know my full name and how did you know I was rolling my eyes?' Blaine asked warily.

'…I don't know, to the first one. For the second one; I'm magic.' Kurt laughed spookily.

'Look, I'll call you back, Kurt Elizabeth Darren Hummel.'

'You know my full name?'

'You know me, so it's only fair if it's vice-versa.'

* * *

><p>Kurt sulked as Rachel sang her song. The assignment was to sing a song that summed up your life so far and Rachel naturally sang a song from Wicked.<p>

'I'm not…that girl…' Rachel sang, belting it out instead of singing it softly like the Broadway version.

Kurt rolled his eyes as Mr Shuester congratulated Rachel enthusiastically. Kurt was pretty sure Rachel killed the song. Even if Rachel had somehow sung it as well as Idina Menzel -who actually looked a lot like Rachel- Kurt knew he possibly could've sung it better. It probably would've been his song choice, maybe even a duet with Rachel, Grilled Cheesus forbid.

If Blaine hadn't have came into his life.

Kurt sighed as he thought about the assignment.

'Guys,' Mr Shuester called. 'Rachel's the only one who's sung her song. Kurt, how about you?'

'I would, but everyone here seems intent on repressing my talent therefore, my choice of song.' Kurt shot at Mr Shuester.

'Kurt. You know why I think you're choice of song is inappropriate.' Mr Shuester said.

'No, I don't. Rachel sings a song from Wicked every single week. Finn will sing a rock and roll song about Quinn, everyone else won't do the task and you don't give them hell. Is it because I-'

'That's enough, Kurt.'

'I, for one, agree with Mr Shue. I may sing a song from Wicked every week, but I believe you shouldn't sing a song sung by a girl that is also inappropriate.'

'How is it inappropriate?'

'It just is!' Rachel exclaimed. Mr Shue nodded along with the rest of New Directions apart from Santana.

'Are you guys joking? This is the whole, Defying Hair thing all over again.' Santana said angrily. 'Shut it Berry- I don't care if it's 'Hair' or 'Gravity'. This is unfair to Kurt. Can you guys see it from his point? He wants to sing a song- you guys won't let him just because it's sung by the opposite gender. What's wrong with you?' Santana shouted.

'Calm down, Santana.'

'Shove it up your butt, Mr Shue. I'm leaving.' Kurt said, getting up and walking out of the choir room. Santana ran after Kurt, slipping her hand in his. Kurt smiled gratefully at Santana.

'Oh my Gaga. I just stormed out of glee.' Kurt said, eyes widening. Santana smirked.

'Get used to it- I'm pretty sure you'll be storming out of rooms out of embarrassment then anger. Are you getting some with Hobbit?'

'I knew there was a reason I didn't trust you.'

* * *

><p><strong>NEXT GLEE CLUB SESSION<strong>

* * *

><p>'Kurt, I wanted to apologize about my behaviour. I thought it through, and I realized it was very unfair.' Mr Shuester said sincerely.<p>

'You do know you guys never heard what song I wanted to sing, right?' Kurt said, his brow furrowing slightly.

'Why did you pick that song?' Artie asked.

'Blaine sang that song to me the first time we met with the Warblers. It was an impromptu performance. It also sums up my relationship with him perfectly.'

'What? Which song is this?' Finn asked, a confused expression on his face.

'Teenage Dream, of course.' Kurt said.

'Oh. It makes sense. We wouldn't have minded, actually.' Mike admitted.

'Why, what song did you think I would sing?' Kurt asked.

'Well,' Artie began. 'You said to Sam that you were thinking of a Katy Perry song for this week's assignment. Then, Finn heard you humming a song under your breath. He didn't know what it was, until Mr Shue recognized it. When you said you were doing a Katy Perry song, we just assumed you were singing…' Artie trailed off, everyone's faces blushing bright red.

'I'm not a pervert!' Kurt yelled, his voice hitting that famous high F.

'You can hit a high F,' Rachel muttered.

'I WAS NOT GOING TO SING PEACOCK TO YOU GUYS!' Kurt shrieked. Everyone winced.

Santana walked in just as Kurt said the word 'Peacock.'

'Kurt? What's wrong?' Blaine's tinny voice asked the room. 'All I heard was 'peacock' and 'guy'…'

'Santana, why have you got my iPhone and talking to Blaine?' Kurt asked his voice low and threatening.

'Wanky,' Santana murmured under her breath.

'Santana found your phone.' Blaine explained. 'Now, why are you singing 'Peacock' to New Directions without me?'

'Oh Gaga.' Kurt said, throwing his head back.

'Katy Perry is better than Gaga.' Blaine said, his voice worried.

'I wanna take a ride on your disco stick,' Kurt shot at Blaine.

'I wanna see your peacock.' Blaine countered.

'I'm really turned on right now.' Brittany said.

* * *

><p><strong>So, that's that chapter! Please tell me which chapter you want to see nexy- it'll be helpful. <strong>

**Also, tell me about my new story idea!**


	11. Chapter 11: Drunk

**AN: Rumours was terrible for me- the Bartie fan. I began shaking when Sam was wearing Kurt's earth-day coat. I came to the same conclusion as Rachel and co- Kurt was cheating on Blaine!**

**Earlier in the show, I saw Quinn come out rumours... My next thought:**

**Sam's a home-wrecker and a male Santana! (Just, not gay- as in the sleeping around…)**

**Kurt then said 'How I missed your insanity.' I laughed. Then shook a bit. Because Kurt was cheating on Blaine.**

**When the truth came out (I feel like a Jason Derulo song- 'Whatcha say'?), I cried in relief. **

**Also, I decided to go on Wikipedia, which I do not own. I researched Kurt Hummel and I had just typed in Kurt H…and the first suggestion thing was Kurt Hummel! Then, I did Blaine A…and it's the same with Blaine!**

**OMG! Blaine looks so swoon-worthy! Well, technically, it's Darren Everett Criss. Who has the most amazing name. 'Everett' huh?**

**Then I just started to listen to ALL the Warblers' songs. 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?' Yes! DUH!**

**Swoon…**

**Oh and sorry for the typo in the first chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I…don't…own…*quietly* Glee…just a songbook of Glee music for the guitar- so please don't sue me whoever you are.**

* * *

><p>'Jeff, je vais vous faire manger vos cheveux et envoyer des photos à Perez Hilton, si vous ne me laissez pas l'étude.' Kurt muttered. Jeff paled. He didn't understand, but when Kurt started talking angrily in French, you know it's time to go. He decided to make a snappy comeback.<p>

'Votre père est un poisson rouge' Jeff said mildly at Kurt, not really knowing what he said.

'Oh, I'm so scared. What would my father do?' Kurt laughed.

'What did I say?'

'You said my dad was a goldfish.'

'Oh. I was just thinking of animals.' Jeff admitted, his cheeks reddening. Kurt rolled his eyes, just as Wes and David walked into the room.

'I'm pretty sure Kurt and Blaine don't appreciate you talking about their lives in the bedroom.' Wes deadpanned his poker face ruined by David smirking at Kurt.

'Are you sure you're not talking about you and David?' Kurt questioned innocently, his eyes lighting up with mischief.

'Why do people assume I'm with David? I'm not gay!' Wes cried out whilst David's eyes bugged out of his head.

'No…' Kurt slowly said, drawing the 'no' out. Wes and David sighed in relief, Jeff in disappointment. He had been hoping to hear some juicy gossip. 'You're David-sexual.' Kurt finished triumphantly. .

'We have girlfriends!' David shouted.

'David, you don't. You broke up with her last week when she finished watching the FRIENDS marathon without you. Wes, you're relationship is on the rocks.' Kurt corrected absently.

'Thanks, man!' Jeff exclaimed happily. 'I finally have something to tell Nick!'

'I'm pretty sure you're all in the closet.' Kurt rolled his eyes again, looking around at all the boys in the room.

* * *

><p>Blaine tiptoed into the study room hesitantly. It sounded like Kurt was having a playful argument with Wes, David and…was that Jeff?<p>

'All I'm saying is that you should moisturize daily! There is _nothing _wrong with my skin care regime! I don't see why it bothers you!' Kurt's voice floated out of the room.

'Kurt, you spent thirty minutes in the bathroom doing that.' Jeff said angrily. Blaine's eyes narrowed. Kurt was simply visiting Blaine and helping him with his French homework. Wes, Jeff and David had _no _right to-

'Insolent bébé-Je vous donne quelques conseils et que vous refusez. Devrais-je être amusé ou ... non, je suis amusé.' Kurt said lightly. Blaine's chest swelled in happiness- his boyfriend clearly excelled in French and could handle himself.

Blaine on the other hand…

'Blaine! You can come in now.' Kurt called. Blaine blushed and entered the room. Kurt was dressed simply- for him, anyway. He was dressed in (**AN: Okay, this outfit won't be Kurt-ish at ALL, so please don't flame me because of it!**) midnight blue skinny jeans which seemed to shimmer under the light. His t-shirt was a collage of colours- red, blue, green, purple, grey, brown and white. They all blended together magically. Over the t-shirt was a red waistcoat with one button. His scarf was a dark black.

Blaine did a small double-take.

'Did you just call me an insolent child?' Wes shouted angrily and teasingly.

'Yes. Blaine, stop staring at me and Jeff, go buy some colour-safe shampoo or something. David, go make out with Wes.' Kurt playfully commanded.

'Um, sure…' Blaine said, wiping any traces of drool from his face. Wes prodded Blaine then left with David, muttering about Kurt and his amazing put-downs. Jeff sulked in the corner.

'Aren't you hot?' Blaine asked.

'Three things: One, I'm feeling déjà vu…haven't we had his conversation before? Two: Yes, I am extremely hot. Three: I am hot.'

'Are two and three the same?'

'No- the meaning is different. Two was yes, I am hot. As in, David Henrie hot. Three, was yes, it's surprisingly hot in here.'

'Then take off your scarf.' Blaine said, confused. Kurt took off his scarf and placed it gingerly on the sofa. Underneath the scarf was-

'Is that a _metal bowtie?_' Blaine asked, his voice raised a few octaves higher than before. Kurt simply raised an eyebrow in that Kurt way and sat down on the couch. He chuckled slightly as he sat down.

'What's wrong?'

'I was just remembering that you walked into this room, singing Misery.'

Kurt reminisced. Blaine smiled.

'You said that you felt like 'we're Blaine and the Pips'.' Blaine remembered. He smiled. Kurt beamed back, evidently happy that Blaine remembered.

'So, why are you failing French?' Kurt suddenly asked.

'Well…French reminds me of you. Then, I think of you…and I fail French.' Blaine admitted quietly.

'Ew,' Jeff muttered, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Blaine stuck his tongue out at Jeff and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

'I live in a world of crazy people and Rachel Berry. Grilled Cheesus, help me.' He deadpanned.

'Grilled Cheesus?' Jeff asked.

'You don't know want to know…why are you failing French?' Kurt queried.

'I hate languages.' Jeff said proudly.

'Un jour, vous allez travailler pour moi.' Kurt said. Blaine wondered if Kurt naturally put on his French accent, or whether it was a really hot habit.

'Look, let's just get this travesty of a French lesson over with.'

'Why should we?' Jeff smirked.

'Because your French teacher bribed me to do this.'

* * *

><p>Jeff hated languages. He just did- he'd rather be pranking Wes and David and stealing Wes's huge collection of gavels.<p>

Now, he had to stand forty-five minutes of Kurt and Blaine staring lovingly into each others eyes and flirting in French.

Kurt and Blaine…

'KLAINE!' Jeff bellowed.

'Excuse me?' Kurt raised an eyebrow.

'Kurt and Blaine is Klaine! It's just easier to call you that than Kurt and Blaine! Mon nom est Klaine!'

'Your name is Klaine?' Blaine asked. He held out a hand for Kurt to high-five, and Kurt slapped Blaine on the head lightly.

'I will never high-five you Blaine Christopher Anderson!'

'Whipped.' Jeff stated.

'Shut up.' Blaine sulked.

Suddenly, the tune to 'Don't Rain on my Parade' filled the air, quickly followed by 'I'm Too Sexy' and then 'American Idiot'.

Kurt sighed loudly, glaring at the phone.

'Who is it?' Blaine asked suspiciously.

'It's Rachel, Brittany and Santana.'

'How can you tell?' Jeff queried.

'Rachel sang Don't Rain On My Parade at Sectionals. Santana's a bitchy slut and Brittany is…Brittany.'

'Why those song choices though?'

Kurt rolled his eyes and touched the screen of the phone.

'Wanky!' Santana's voice filled the room.

'Santana, please be quiet. We are talking to Kurt.' Rachel scolded Santana. Jeff raised his eyebrows and Blaine smirked.

'How do you solve a problem like Maria?' Brittany asked.

'Boo, I don't know.' Kurt sighed.

'Kurt! You were listening to our conversation the whole time?' Rachel said angrily. Kurt swore in French and Jeff laughed.

'Oi, all the prep school boys in the room, say 'I wanna tap the girl' tight now.' Santana commanded.

Blaine and Jeff mumbled something about tapping gavels.

'Oh, hobbit and a new one.' Santana said appreciatively. 'Are you getting some?'

'Some what?' Brittany asked Santana curiously.

'Why are you calling?' Kurt sighed.

'Yeah, he's teaching me and Blaine French!' Jeff protested angrily.

'Hello,' Santana purred. 'We haven't met, but I can tell you're an animal just by your voice. Wanna confirm my suspicions?'

'Um, uh…' Jeff stuttered. Blaine chuckled.

'Kurt, I would like to know your opinion on my list of possible solos. Mr Shue said it would be best if I didn't get one, but I disagree. After all, I am the most talented one in the-'

'Okay, first of all, whatever Mr Shue says, you do. Second, I thought we were asking Kurt about your outfit choices for your 'date' with Tall Manboobs the idiot. Also, I'm trying to _get some _here, unlike you, Hobbit.'

'I thought Rachel was going out with Finn.' Brittany said, confused.

'Kurt, I simply wish to ask for your help for my date and solo-wise. Santana, you may call me a hobbit, but I make up for it in talent and-'

'Girls! Rachel, where are you going? Santana, Jeff's phone number will be given to you soon and Brittany- how are you coping?' Kurt interrupted.

'I'm really sad. Lord Tubbington's started smoking again and he won't admit it to me. Artie and I have broken up and Santana didn't come on Fondue For Two with me.' Brittany said sadly. Kurt handed out his condolences before Santana explained that Rachel was going on a date with a tall guy.

'Where are you going?'

'BreadStix…obvious.' Rachel said in a matter-of-fact tone.

'Do you want me to teach Finn and Brittany to sing 'Barbie Girl' and then follow you around?'

'Will you teach me?' Brittany asked. Her voice was so hopeful. Kurt was about to reply, when the phone ran out of battery.

'Right. Let's get back to business boys.' Kurt said wearily.

'Affamé?' Jeff asked.

'No,' Kurt said, rubbing his eyes. 'I'm assuming you meant to say, 'tired' rather than 'hungry', Jeff.'

'I love you so much.' Blaine said dreamily.

'I know. Who doesn't?'

* * *

><p>'Thanks for the French tutoring.' Jeff thanked Kurt the next day. Kurt nodded his head as if to say, 'No need to thank me, I know how amazing I am'.<p>

'Jeff? Why is Blaine not talking to me?' Kurt blurted out.

'Oh.'

'What?'

'Well…'

'Well what?'

'You don't want to know.'

'I do want to know, and Gucci forbid me if you won't tell me.

'You really, really don't want to know.'

'If I paid you 100 dollars, would you tell me? Kurt offered slyly.

'I-I'm a better friend than that.'

'450 dollars?'

'Are you that rich?'

'Just tell me.'

'Well, Blaine's…'

'Spill. Now.'

Jeff was terrified. Kurt had his scary, 'bitch, please' look on his face. There was really only one option.

'AAAAAHHH! RAPIST! PAEDOPHILE!' Jeff screamed. Kurt simply raised an eyebrow and watched Jeff run around the room screaming his head off.

'WHAT?' David, Wes and Blaine bellowed as they raced inside the Warbler's practice room.

'It's me, the rapist.' Kurt deadpanned, staring at Blaine intently. Blaine started fidgeting and Wes shared a serious look with David. Kurt hated it when they did that.

'Spill.' Kurt ordered and Wes sat on the floor instantly.

'Okay, Kurt, don't get mad but there was a party that this guy threw and Blaine wasn't allowed to bring you because it was held by a homophobe who thought Blaine was straight and-' Wes blurted out and Jeff nodded earnestly. Blaine glared at Wes.

'You went to a party without me.' Kurt interrupted.

'Yes…'

'A homophobe's party…and you didn't come to me for fashion advice?' Kurt asked.

Everyone in the room sighed internally.

'I know you went to Puck's party. No need to tell me it was a homophobe. But I was shown pictures and you dressed _awfully_, Blaine. Why didn't you come to me for fashion advice?'

'Well, it wasn't really a party.'

Kurt raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow and flicked his hand at Jeff and Wes. They left the room in a hurry, clapping David on the back.

'Why do you need me?' David asked.

Kurt smirked at David evilly.

'I did that as an excuse to get Wes and Jeff out the room. I knew Jeff would scream something to get you two in the room and Blaine would go with them. I need you two to help me. I'm going to host a party for the New Directions and a few of the Warblers, but I'm making them two designated drivers. If they were in this room, they'd protest. So, they don't need to know until last minute.'

'You are a genius,' Blaine breathed.

'I know.'

Kurt smiled to himself. When he told Rachel his plan, she volunteered to have Kurt's party in her basement, as her fathers were away on their 15th anniversary.

'Of course, it would have to be hosted by you.' Rachel insisted.

* * *

><p>Jeff, Nick, Wes and David could go and only Rachel, Santana, Puck, Mercedes, Brittany, Artie and Sam could come.<p>

'I'm calling this one, 'The Sequel to Rachel's god-awful party'.' Kurt announced. 'It's basically going to be the same, just less Rachel and Blaine action.'

'Sorry about that.' Blaine apologized.

'I still have nightmares about that, thanks to you.'

* * *

><p>'Thank you for coming. Now, we're going to pick out the designated drivers from this hat. Everybody write their name then put it in this hat.' Kurt instructed. Jeff and Wes wrote their names and everyone else also wrote their names.<p>

'Okay. I'll pick out the names after randomly picking out two names from this hat.' Kurt said grandly.

'Dude, we'll need three cars.' Puck told Kurt.

'Oh…everybody write their names again.' Kurt said, briefly crumpling his brow.

Unknown to Kurt and the Warblers, Puck had arranged with the rest of the New Directions- they were going to write Blaine's name.

Kurt handed out another piece of paper. Kurt had a bad feeling about this.

'The designated drivers are…Nick! Wes and…Blaine!' Kurt said, glaring at Puck.

'I didn't do anything.' Puck said, his lie not quite reaching his eyes. After all, Kurt was the flirty kind of drunk and Blaine was his boyfriend.

And it had been his idea for the Warblers to arrive in a Mini Cooper.

* * *

><p>'I REALLY WANTED YOU GUYS TO GET TOGETHER AND GET YOUR MACK ON WHEN I FIRST MET YOU! I'M JUST SO GLAD YOU GUYS GOT TOGETHER!' Santana sobbed hysterically. Blaine muttered some soothing coos and left Santana to sadly lap dance a sober Wes, who reached out to touch Santana's butt.<p>

'BLAINE! DON'T LEAVE ME!' Santana wailed. 'YOU LIKE RACHEL BERRY BETTER THAN ME- JUST ADMIT IT! SHE'S TALENTED, SHORTER THAN YOU AND YOU GUYS TOTALLY GET IT ON! JUST ADMIT IT! NO- JUST LET ME LAP-DANCE WES IN PEACE!'

Blaine left Santana and Wes in a hurry.

'You're soo pretty,' Nick said happily to Rachel who smiled in response.

'You have cool hair,' Rachel responded.

'I need you forever,' Nick countered.

'I luuurrrve you…' Rachel trilled.

'I luuurrrve you too…' Nick replied.

Blaine mentally reminded himself that Nick was a needy drunk and so was Rachel.

'Hey Blaine,' said a seductive voice. 'Whatcha doing?'

'Erm, just…'

'Do you wanna touch me?' Kurt boldly asked.

'Yes! I mean, yes, but I think it's too early in our relationship.' Blaine corrected himself.

Kurt stared at Blaine seductively, before breaking into song.

'_WE'VE BEEN HERE TOO LONG, TRYING TO GET ALONG! PRETENDING THAT YOU'RE OH-SO SHY!' _Kurt sang loudly. Rachel sang backing vocals softly to Nick, who promptly fell on top of Rachel.

Brittany was on top of the stage, stripping her clothes off and throwing the clothes on top of David and Artie.

'I wanna get back together!' Artie screamed.

'SHE'S GOING TO BE MIIIINNNEEEE!' Santana wailed, shoving her chest in Wes's face.

'Can I join you?' David yelled, his voice slightly muffled by Brittany's shirt.

'I wanna be a headband.' Brittany stated, turning around and taking off her shorts slowly.

'WOOH!' Kurt screamed. 'LEMME JOIN YOU!'

Kurt jumped up onto the stage and began to take off his shirt.

'This is for you, Blaine!' he sang in a low voice, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. He popped all the buttons off and just danced with Brittany, his shirt hanging loose.

'Oh god.' Blaine whimpered. Kurt was grinding with Brittany drunkenly and shouting 'ROOF OFF, WE'RE GONNA TEAR THE ROOF OFF THE MOTHERSUCKERS!' at the top of his voice.

That was when Blaine saw Kurt shirtless for the first time.

'Oh…my…god.' Jeff laughed, looking at Blaine's face.

Kurt was slightly muscular. His pale skin had a small scar at the bottom of his chest, but Blaine didn't notice that.

'Whipped!' Wes screamed into Santana's chest.

'SHUT UP! OR DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO DO THIS FOR YOU? OH, I'M SO HEARTBROKEN! NO-BODY LOVES ME!' Santana yelled.

'WOOP!' Artie yelled.

Nick smiled evilly.

'Blaine, you can get drunk. I have a huge car- it's a Range Rover. Everyone can fit in it easily. Just get drunk and have hot, wild, gay-'

'I'm sure they already are, Nick.' Wes stated. He winked at Blaine, who's face lit up and he ran to the liquor cabinet.

* * *

><p>Blaine was the 'dancing, singing, flirty' kind of drunk, Jeff noticed. Wes and Jeff were sitting on the washing machine, watching everyone.<p>

'Nick's a needy drunk.' Wes laughed.

'David…is a spill your heart out drunk.' Jeff said.

'Artie is the kind of party drunk.' Wes smirked.

'I wish they could see themselves.' Jeff sighed. Wes laughed evilly, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small camcorder.

'Oh, you are a genius.' Jeff said in awe of his gavel-crazy friend.

Wes switched it on and began recording.

'Hi, guys. We know you probably have a huge hangover right now, but you'll be fine.' Wes said into the camera.

'Of course, we'll be tormenting you.' Jeff interrupted.

'Yes, of course. We just thought it would be funny if you guys saw each other drunk.' Wes finished. 'Let the filming commence.'

Kurt woke up with his head pounding and his throat parched.

'Oh, Gucci, the apocalypse has started,' he muttered. Blaine woke up next, stirring slightly.

In the next few minutes, everyone woke up.

'Hello.' Wes beamed brightly.

'Aller manger votre marteau,' Kurt cursed. (**AN: Sorry, for all the French in this chapter! You'll have to translate it yourself. I just thought that Kurt wasn't realty speaking French in my previous chapters, so this one's got a huge dollop of it; Google translate it.**)

'What the heck does that mean?' Wes said, his smile sliding off his face.

'Whatever.' Kurt said.

'Anyway. We filmed last night's events, and we thought it would be funny to show you the results.' Jeff explained.

'Grilled Cheesus,' Sam breathed. 'Why the heck am I naked apart from a towel?'

'Oh yeah, that's explained on the video.' Wes laughed.

Kurt and Blaine cuddled together while Wes was setting everything up loudly. They winced at every loud noise.

Rachel came down with a whole tray full of milk.

'Let's begin,' Wes said dramatically, clapping his hands together. At that very moment, the video started. 'Huh, that wasn't supposed to happen.' Wes admitted.

'HEEEEEYYYY!' Blaine yelled into the camera after Wes and Jeff's introduction. 'MY BOYFRIEND'S HOOOOT AS HEEEEEELL AND I WANNNNA-'

'JUST ADMIT IT! YOU PREFER QUINN WHEN IT COMES TO KISSING!' Santana screamed. Sam shook his head lazily.

'I can't feel my head,' Brittany said suddenly, 'and I just wanna DANCE!' She then began to sing 'Crazy In Love' and the dance moves.

'I luuurrrve you,' Rachel hummed.

'You hang up first,' Nick said lightly, bopping Rachel on the nose.

'You hang up first,'

'No, you hang up first,'

'No, you hang up first!' Rachel shrieked angrily.

'I'm sorry, I just want to listen to your beautiful voice…' Nick trailed off, smiling goofily at Rachel.

'Aaaw,' Rachel cooed.

'A FEW TIMES I'VE BEEN AROUND THAT TRACK, SO IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN LIKE THAT, 'CAUSE I AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL, AIN'T NO HOLLABACK GIRL!' Kurt rapped loudly. Blaine's eyes widened as he tried to remember when he got drunk.

'I'M SOO GLAD YOU HAVE A ONE-TRACK MIND LIKE ME!' Drunk Blaine sang at the top of his voice. 'THANK YOU JEFF FOR LETTING ME GET DRUNK!'

'No problem.' Jeff said politely.

'That explains it,' Kurt muttered. He watched himself on the TV screen in horror.

Sam blushed when he watched himself strip off and climb up the stairs almost naked.

'Hot.' Santana whistled.

Blaine murmured appreciatively when he saw himself make out with a half naked Kurt.

'We should totally do that again.' Blaine heard himself say.

'Wanky.' Santana interjected.

**AN: Woah, my longest chapter. It kinda ran away with me- I originally wanted it to be tutoring.**


	12. Chapter 12: Talk

**AN: I think that all the Klaineness from 'Prom Queen' killed me. It. Was. Amazing.**

**And, FINALLY, some back-story! **

'**Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton.'**

**I think that Blaine should join McKinley. I mean, it's probably going to happen but that would be AWESOME.**

**Dang, that word again.**

**So, during P.E at my school, I was humming a mash-up 'When I Get You Alone' and 'Animal'. When my friend asked me how I had made that mash-up, I replied with, 'A Gleek can do amazing things,' and then she reminded me that she was also a gleek. Which made me blush. Which made me think of Kurt. Which made me think of Klaine. Which made me smile. Which made my friend think I was crazy. **

**Which I so obviously am.**

**Oh, and if you want, just think of this as the sequel to, 'Persuading Blaine Anderson can be either easy, or difficult'**

**Oh, and I'm going to start naming my chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee…*bursts out in tears***

* * *

><p>Kurt had invited Blaine and the New Directions to a massive shopping trip and everyone decided to come, even Sam who was nursing a massive hangover, courtesy of Kurt's party. It had been a nice, low-key (well, as low-key as it could get) affair, with the occasional startling question from Brittany. Everyone was in separate conversations and Blaine and Kurt gazing into each other's eyes.<p>

'Who's Kate Middleton?' Brittany suddenly asked Kurt.

'She's a princess who recently got married to Prince William. Lucky.'

'Excuse me? Boyfriend here.'

'Sorry, Blaine.' Kurt apologized to his boyfriend, rolling his eyes when Blaine's puppy eyes melted into a puddle of gooey happiness.

'I really think your rendition of the song, 'I'm not going to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you' was spectacular, Blaine Warbler.' Rachel admitted. 'I realized I must have forgotten to tell you after Prom.'

'Why does everyone call me Blaine Warbler? My surname is 'Anderson'.' Blaine sighed.

'So, it isn't Blaine and no, Klaine should really start having hot, wild, gay-' Brittany began.

'Don't listen to Wes, Brittany.' Blaine said shuddering.

'Get some.' Santana said simultaneously, winking towards Kurt and smiling when Lauren glared at the back of Blaine's head and she smirked at Puck, who looked at Rachel, who nodded and nudged Artie, who said, 'Lemonade,', which prompted Santana to smile broadly at Sam, who grabbed Mercedes's hand, who clicked her fingers at Mike and Tina, who suddenly jumped together, which made Quinn hug Finn, who muttered something in Brittany's ear.

''!' Brittany rattled off quickly.

'What?' Kurt asked wildly.

It was too late.

Mike and Puck grabbed Blaine's arms, Finn and Lauren lifted Blaine's legs and Santana, Brittany and Sam started supporting his body.

'KURT!' Blaine shrieked. Kurt simply sighed and rolled his eyes- there was really nothing he could do.

'Mercedes, gag him with the handkerchief in his pocket.' Santana ordered.

'You have a handkerchief in your pocket?' Kurt asked disbelievingly.

'How dapper.' Mercedes laughed.

'I AM NOT DAPPER AND-MMPH! I ATE YOU NUDE ERECTIONS!' Blaine bellowed. The handkerchief distorted his words slightly.

'You can eat a nude erection?' Brittany asked.

* * *

><p>'What are you doing?' Blaine murmured.<p>

'Kidnapping you.' Brittany replied promptly. 'I thought this only happened in movies, but you can actually kidnap someone!'

'Britt, shh.' Santana said half-heartedly.

'Okay!'

'Blaine Warbler-' Rachel began ominously.

'It's Anderson!' Blaine interjected angrily. 'Just because I am a Warbler doesn't mean that I do not have a surname! Ask Wes! His surname is…what is his surname?'

'It's Hot-face.' Brittany smiled.

'No it- Brittany, don't listen to Wes.'

'I didn't hear it from Wes.'

'Don't listen to David, either.'

'Oh.'

'Blaine Warb-oh, fine, _Anderson_, we are here to tell you what will happen if you ever hurt Kurt Hummel.'

'I've already had this talk.' Blaine said in a bored tone.

'From who?' Lauren asked curiously. 'Cuz I was really looking forward to torturing you.'

'That's not the point!' Finn shouted, flinging his hands dangerously close to Rachel's face.

'Watch out for the nose, Finn!'

'Look, it's almost curfew at Dalton,' Blaine lied smoothly. 'So can we please wrap this up?'

'Your curfew is 2:30 in the afternoon?' Sam asked.

Blaine felt his confident grin slide off his face. Was it really that time?

'Sam, if you want everyone to know what you did at Kurt's party, keep talking.'

'Guys, I think we should let Blaine go!' Sam said hysterically.

'What happened?' Mercedes asked.

'I'm not telling!' Sam screamed.

'Look, big mouth and white boy, you'd better tell me what went down at Kurt's party. Because if you don't, I know how to cut a bitch.'

'Blaine, if you treat Kurt wrong, Mercedes will…cut a bitch.' Finn summarized.

'I don't doubt that.' Blaine said.

* * *

><p>'Blaine freaking Anderson!' David yelled angrily.<p>

'Blaine idiot Anderson!' Wes bellowed threatingly.

'Oh my gosh.' Blaine muttered. 'What is up with you two?'

'We're trying to be fatherly!' Wes muttered indignantly.

'Why?'

'The time has come.' David said seriously. Blaine paled. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

'There's going to be another Harry Potter book?' Blaine asked happily.

'No, dude.' David shrieked. 'You're getting the talk!'

'The talk?'

'Yes!'

'The talk?'

'Yes!'

'From you two?'

'Yes.'

'I'm gay.'

'I know.'

'You're not. You both have questionable sexualities.'

'…yes?'

'And you're giving me the talk?'

'Yes, Blaine!' Wes shouted.

Blaine stared at the duo before collapsing in hysterics.

'Shut up, Blainey Boo.' David smiled, watching Blaine abruptly stop laughing.

* * *

><p>Blaine found himself tied to a chair for the second time that day.<p>

'So, we've researched this thoroughly.' Thad began.

'Thad, you're in this too?'

'Are you joking? Of course I am! Someone had to go along with these two!'

'Oh, yeah, sorry.'

'Look, we're not going to be graphic. We've talked to Kurt about this and he said he just got pamphlets. So we've decided to do that.' Thad ameneded.

'That is a really bad talk.'

'I know. Sorry.'

'YOU SAID WE COULD BE GRAPHIC AND DISGUST HIM!' David screamed angrily.

'Oh, jeez, I forgot the pamphlets. Just remember what we talked about, okay?'

'Oh…okay.' Blaine said.

'So, anything interesting happen today?'

'Well, I got the talk from Wes, David and Thad, but they just gave me pamphlets. And the New Directions just had a tantrum over me hurting you. So really, just a normal day.'

'Yep.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry if you were expecting a really graphic talk, but I don't know anything about…the intimacies of a relationship.<strong>

**Sorry!**

**Also, I think this might be my shortest chapter...**

**Sorry!**


	13. Chapter 13: Hyper

**AN: Wooh!**

**Okay, I have no idea why I just did that that. **

**Anyway, I've had a really bad day. So I need Klaine fluff/humour/weirdness.**

**Brittana is inevitable. Sad…**

**And did anyone see 'Isn't She Lovely' and just watch Kurt spinning his whisk just like a sai?**

**DOWN WITH JESSE ST. JAMES!**

**Disclaimer: *sadly* I've had a bad day, and now I have to admit that I don't own glee? Aww….**

* * *

><p>Blaine rushed down the stairs, skidding past Wes and David, rushing back to them and hysterically asked, 'what's up?' several times.<p>

'What's up with _you_?' Wes laughed.

'Nothing's wrong with me, why would you think that? Everything's as right as rain and why is that even true? Rain shouldn't be right, it's gloomy and makes storms. Almost everyone's scared of storms. Maybe even Kurt! But Kurt's fearless! He's amazing, snarky, funny, handsome, emotional, caring, funnily bitchy, witty, smart, fluent in French, really quite sexy even though he thinks he's a baby penguin, fabulous singer and MY BOYFRIEND!' Blaine sang the last two words. Wes and David exchanged looks.

'It's time.' David said. Blaine shuddered.

'Time for what? The last time you said that, you gave me the talk, even though it wasn't really a talk, it was just Thad forgetting to bring pamphlets. Pamphlets…that's a funny word. You know what else is a funny word? Plinth…pppplllliiiinnnnntttttthhhhhh….and you have a funny name!' Blaine whacked Wes on the nose quite violently, before collapsing into hysterics. 'Wes...Wesley…haha! Wes!' Blaine shrieked. Thankfully, none of the teachers noticed the commotion, mostly because they were all either slightly deaf, or flirting shamelessly with each other.

'What is funny about my name?' Wes asked.

'It's three letters long! The best names are four letters long!'

'How?'

'Well, because Kurt's name is four letters long. So are Lily, Jack, and Anna...'

'Jeff.' David said, joining in the four letter name game.

'No! Not Jeff!' Blaine screamed in horror. 'Jeff is mean!'

'Excuse me?' Jeff coughed.

'Your name is mean! It tortured me!'

'He's on coffee, isn't he?' Jeff asked Wes sadly.

'COFFEE! IS THERE COFFEE? CAN I HAVE A MEDIUM DRIP? I REALLY LIKE MEDIUM DRIPS! CAN I? PLEASE, PLEASE? AND A GRANDE NON-FAT MOCHA! FOR MY BOYFRIEND, KURT! DO YOU KNOW KURT? YOU GUYS WOULD GET ON SOOO WELL!'

* * *

><p>Kurt was halfway through glee, when he got a frantic text from Blaine.<p>

_**Kurt, there's something wrong with Wes.**_

Kurt's eyes widened and he quickly typed a reply back.

_What's up?_

_**He can't draw! B xxx**_

Kurt rolled his eyes and crossed his legs.

'Mr Shue, may I leave? My boyfriend is hyper on coffee, I think and there will be explosions if I don't go sort him out.'

Puck yelled, 'It's always better when your hyper!' before Kurt left the room sighing.

* * *

><p>'My name is Blaine Warbler, and I am proud to be, in my school's glee club, in Dalton Academy!' Blaine warbled. (<strong>That's to 'The Cleveland Show's theme tune's tune.<strong>)

'Oh wow, Blaine watches Family Guy.'

'I AM STEWIE- A CLOSETED GAY TODDLER, WHO WISHES TO KILL MY MOTHER, LOIS!' Blaine bellowed.

There was a gentle knocking on the door. Blaine rushed to the door and there stood Kurt. He grabbed Blaine by the shoulders and kissed him passionately.

Wes and David watched uncomfortably as Kurt and Blaine made out. When they finished, Kurt winked at Wes and David before turning to Blaine and said, 'Do you want to lie down?'

'Um, yeah.'

'Sleep.'

The next thing they knew, Blaine was softly sleeping on a couch. Kurt smirked and turned to Wes and David.

'So, how's the Warbler's coping without their only counter-tenor?' he asked cheekily, his cheeks a little bit flushed.

'Major rewind: since when does Blaine do your bidding?' David asked. Kurt simply raised an eyebrow and smiled.

'I've found out that if I make out with him, he does whatever I ask him to do. I wasn't expecting for him to fall asleep though.'

'You're a genius.' Wes muttered reverently.

'I know. You didn't answer my question.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I'm treating you to this horrific chapter. It's my shortest!<strong>

**Does anyone else die when Blaine sings 'I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You'?**

**Especially when he goes, 'uh. uh'?**


	14. Chapter 14: BreakUp

**AN: I'm in a really bad mood, and that equals more chapters being uploaded.**

**Based on a Simpson's episode.**

**So I don't own that.**

**And do ya think I own glee?**

***runs away crying***

* * *

><p>'EDWARD!'<p>

'JACOB!'

'EDWARD!'

'JACOB!'

Blaine rolled his eyes as he heard his two best friends arguing.

Again.

Wes and David were recently bickering over things for no apparent reason. Last week, it was the fact that Wes didn't eat a packet of crisps.

'Guys!' Kurt's voice floated through the open door, causing Blaine to stop. 'Both of you guys actually _read _Twilight, which automatically makes you just a little bit gay. Second, it's Edward. Jacob has Leah. Third, why have you guys been arguing? I mean, I appreciate all the extra time with Blaine when he comes over to my place because he's sick of the _endless _arguing-'

'Hot.' Wes interjected.

'Not hot! If you're annoyed, you're not really in the mood for-' David argued.

'Why have you been arguing with me for the past two weeks?' Wes asked hysterically.

'Maybe because you've been so clingy!' David snapped.

Wes gasped. He glared at David and stormed off. He nodded at Blaine angrily.

Blaine, who was quite shocked, entered the room to see Kurt comforting a distraught David.

'I didn't mean it.' David repeated.

'We know. Wes is just cranky because he's lost his gavel.' Kurt soothed.

'Look, I have to tell you guys something important. I think you guys would understand…'

Blaine looked at Kurt with an alarmed expression- was David coming out?

'The reason I've been arguing with Wes is…because of my feelings…it just doesn't feel…normal, you know? I've finally realized what I need to do.'

Kurt and Blaine nodded sympathetically.

'I'm…' David trailed off, tearing up slightly.

'Gay.' Blaine finished for him. Kurt looked at Blaine angrily. David's head shot up so fast, his neck cracked slightly.

'What the hell, dude? I'm not gay! I'm-'

'You're breaking up with your girlfriend because she's become needy, right?' Kurt interrupted. David nodded with a shocked expression.

'How the hell did you know that?' he asked.

'I'm in glee club.'

'So are Blaine and I.'

'Sorry, didn't make that clear. I'm in New Directions.'

'What? Nude Erections? I thought it was called New Directions.'

'Seriously, we need to change the name. Look, almost everyone has fancied, been in a relationship or slept with another person, excluding me, Tina, Artie and Mike. I think.' Kurt explained.

* * *

><p>'Blaine, will you…you know?' David asked Blaine at the weekend. He had tagged along on Kurt and Blaine's coffee date.<p>

'Not again! I did it last time!'

'Please?'

'No way, amigo.'

'Blaine, name one person who says, 'amigo' who isn't Spanish.' Kurt smirked, raising an eyebrow.

'Erm…whatever! You're not my mother!'

'I hope not- I'm your boyfriend.'

'Please, Blaine! You're really good at it!' David begged.

'I hope you're not talking about anything dirty.' Kurt deadpanned.

'…he does have a playlist named 'Kurt' on YouTube which has the songs, 'Peacock' and 'Toot It and Boot It' in it.' David admitted slyly.

'David!' Blaine bellowed angrily. David shrugged.

'He was going to find out sooner or later. And Kurt, I'm begging him to break up with Victoria with me.'

Kurt sniggered. Blaine and David looked at Kurt weirdly.

'David and Victoria…' Kurt smiled.

Their faces were blank.

'POSH AND BECKS!'

'Omigosh, their names are David and Victoria?' David asked. Kurt simply sighed and sent up a prayer to Grilled Cheesus.

* * *

><p>'Remind me why we're doing this again.' Kurt said to Blaine.<p>

'We're doing this because when David is single, he'll be able to love Wes and then they will both come out the closet and have gay babies, even though it isn't possible.' Kurt replied. 'Have you phoned her?'

Blaine nodded seriously.

They were at the Lima Bean, sipping their coffee slowly. Kurt had ordered the usual for both of them.

At that moment, a short, brunette girl walked in.

'No. Frickin. Way.' Blaine heard Kurt mutter. 'No way can Rachel Berry be here.'

'Kurt!' Rachel called. Kurt sighed and sank down in his seat. Rachel saw Blaine and she pouted a little bit before sitting a few tables away but still close enough to eavesdrop.

The door opened and Blaine, who was sitting facing the table, tensed.

'It's her. Victoria.'

Rachel leaned in slightly.

Blaine waved half-heartedly at Victoria. She was petite, around the same height as Rachel and had curly, crimson hair tied back. Her face was lightly sprinkled with freckles and she was dressed casually.

Rachel glared at this girl and Victoria waved back at Blaine, not noticing Rachel's immediate dislike of her.

'Blainey!'

'Vicky.'

* * *

><p>'What do you mean David's dead?' Victoria sobbed hysterically.<p>

'That really ruined your day huh? Well now, here's the good news. He actually is alive.'

'WHAT?'

'He's breaking up with you.'

'WHAT? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! HOW DARE HE, THE MOTHERF-'

'Victoria.' Kurt said, his voice calm, collected as tough as nails. 'Think of it like this- you obviously don't deserve him. He actually told us to tell you he was dead.' Kurt improvised. 'He's too scared to break up with you himself. He's of a questionable sexuality. Do you really deserve a cowardly, possible gay man?'

'I guess not.'

'What do you mean, you guess not? It's obvious! A pretty girl like you- you deserve the very best. Anyone who ends up with David is simply unfortunate, okay? So, go outside, buy a pretty dress, wear your hair up, slip on some gladiator sandals and go show David what he's missing out on.' Kurt finished. Rachel leaned back in her seat, disappointed.

'You're right!' Victoria cried. 'Thank you! I don't deserve David! Thank you so much, Chris!'

'It's Kurt.'

'Whatever. Peace out.' Victoria laughed and then hugged Kurt. 'Get Blaine to call me,' she whispered in Kurt's ear.

Kurt's eyes widened.

'What's up?' Victoria asked Kurt.

'Erm...' he looked at Blaine pleadingly.

'Oh! I'm gay. This is my boyfriend, Kurt.' Blaine said smoothly. Rachel snorted and Kurt glared at her.

'Aw. Good pull.' Victoria winked at Kurt suggestively. Rachel mimed throwing up. The ex-girlfriend of David left the coffee shop.

* * *

><p>'<em>It's not as if New York City<em>_  
><em>_Burnt down to the ground__  
><em>_Once you drove away__  
><em>_It's not as if the sun won't shine__  
><em>_When clouds up above__  
><em>_Wash the blues away_

_Are we breaking up_

_Are we breaking up_

_Is there trouble between you and I_

_Did my heart break enough__  
><em>_Did it break enough this time_

_Here's to all the pretty words_

_We will never speak__  
><em>_Here's to all the pretty girls__  
><em>_You're gonna meet_

_Am I breaking up_

_Am I breaking up__  
><em>_Is there trouble on the line__  
><em>_Did your heart break enough__  
><em>_Did it break enough this time_

_Ooh it feels good to be free_

_Ooh it feels good to be free__  
><em>_Ooh it feels good to be free_

_Betrayal is a thorny crown_

_You wear it well__  
><em>_Just like a king__  
><em>_Revenge is the saddest thing__  
><em>_Honey, I'm afraid to say__  
><em>_You deserve everything_

_Am i breaking up_

_Are we breaking up__  
><em>_Is there trouble between the lines__  
><em>_Did your heart break enough__  
><em>_Did it break enough this time_

_Ooh it feels good to be free_

_Ooh it feels good to be free__  
><em>_Ooh it feels good to be free__'_

David sang during Warbler practice. Blaine simply rolled his eyes- it was actually Blaine and Kurt who did the breaking up.

After all, it would probably be their only chance to break up, since they definitely weren't breaking up with each other.

Blaine, he thought to himself, that sounded really cheesy and you just _thought_ it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, as I said before, based on a Simpsons episode. <strong>

**Only four things will cheer me up today: Glee, Klaine, The Simpsons and FOOD!**

**This one's for Xx-Lou-xX!**


	15. Chapter 15: Haiku and Sue

**AN: I'm bored. And I'm listening to 'I'm Not Gonna Teach your Boyfriend How To Dance With You' on repeat. **

**Also, how the freakin heck did I get to 37 reviews to 54?**

**And, when should I stop this?**

**Let's pretend it's near Mothers Day, okay? ****I Google imaged 'Glasz' and the first image was of Kurt.**

**Disclaimer: Oh god, if I owned Glee, it would be god-awful.**

* * *

><p>Kurt wished he had never been in that coffee shop on Wednesday.<p>

_Ahh, push it_

_Push it good!_

Kurt's phone vibrated. He blushed furiously as Wes and David's head's whipped around to face Kurt.

'Why is your pocket singing 'Push It'?' David mused.

'It's probably from Blaine.' Wes answered slyly.

'They've lost their virginities.' David stated.

'Well, Kurt has.'

'Of course. We forgot about Blaine's problem with eye-sex.' (**IF YOU WANT, CHECK OUT MY OTHER STORIES- IT EXPLAINS ALL**)

'How could you, David?'

'I'm sorry.' David smiled slightly as Kurt's eyes bugged out of his head.

'I'm more interested in _what _Blaine has texted to Kurt.'

'Why is it a text?'

'When Blaine calls, it's 'Teenage Dream', remember?'

'Oh yeah.'

'How could you, David?'

'Gaydar going haywire.' Kurt pointed out. David and Wes began apologizing.

'We're not gay.' Wes said.

'Totally.' David agreed. 'But Wes does have a strange fascination with his gavel…'

'Totally. I mean, David! The Dalton Handbook states that-'

'Just make out with each other or something.' Kurt smirked. 'I'm sure your gavel won't mind.'

_Ahh, push it,_

_Push it good!_

'Oh Gaga.' Kurt whimpered as David and Wes grinned manically. 'I've unleashed a monster.' He buried his head in his arms carefully- he wasn't going to mess up his hair.

Blaine entered the coffee-shop slightly breathless. He rubbed his hands together and saw Kurt. Beaming, he walked over to the table.

'Jeez, Blaine, I'm pretty sure there are aliens on Mars who haven't been blinded by your smile yet.' Wes joked, playfully prodding Blaine.

'Shove it up your butt, Wesley.'

'How surprisingly ungentlemanly of you, Blaine.'

'You don't even know what that word means, Wes.'

'…so's your mother!' Wes replied, at a loss for words.

Kurt tensed up slightly.

'Huh? How's _your _mother? Is she still calling you 'Wessums'?' Blaine teased.

Kurt's hand tensed- everyone noticed.

'So, Blaine, do you know that Kurt's phone plays 'Push It' whenever you text him?' Wes asked, mercifully changing the subject.

'Really?' Blaine winked at Kurt, who blushed. Wes nodded at David and they both made excuses for leaving- David's being him having to do homework, Wes's being, 'I don't want to be a cock-block, I mean, I need to polish my gavel, I mean…whatever.'

Blaine stared at Kurt before kissing him fiercely. Kurt responded happily.

Wes and David stopped filming the 'Ideal Coffee shop date for Homosexuals' in horror.

* * *

><p>'Other other Asian! (<strong>AN: I saw this somewhere and I just laughed so hard, I decided I would copy it. Please don't kill me, person who wrote this!<strong>) Baldie! Over here NOW.' Sue screamed. Wes and David hurriedly rushed over to the Cheerio's coach.

'Now, I've gotten something or you to film and give to Porcelain's hobbit boyfriend.' Sue started, before silencing Wes and David's natural happiness from bubbling over.

'_CHEERIOS, ASSEMBLE!_'

A group of cheerleaders appeared and David visibly started drooling. Sue glared at David, before bellowing, '_GROUP TWO, ASSEMBLE!_'

Kurt and Mercedes walked into the Auditorium.

'Porcelain, Whoopi, your time has come. We shall dazzle these two idiots-'

'Good choice of word.' Kurt complimented. Mercedes winked at David, who grinned back.

'-supreme Madonna skills.' Sue continued speaking. 'Any questions?'

'Are we singing '4 Minutes' again?'

'Yes, Ferrari.'

'Oh, hell to the no! You did NOT just call me that.'

'I believe I just did.'

'Hot.' David mumbled.

'Shut it, Gay boy.' Sue said angrily.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Eyes<strong>_

_So blue, grey, green, wow,_

_Emotion shines so pretty,_

_Kurt Hummel's glasz eyes._

Blaine sighed in frustration as he crumpled up his piece of paper and chucked it at the nearest bin- he missed.

'Stupid haikus.' Blaine muttered angrily.

'Blaine, the gentleman, always so handsome and cool, looks after Wevid.' Kurt laughed, entering the room.

'Wevid?'

'Well, 'Wes and David' are four syllables long.'

'Like…Klaine?'

'Finchel, Puckleberry…' Kurt trailed off after seeing Blaine's confused expression. 'Seriously, you've got to learn about New Directions' relationship dramas.'

'I prefer Blurt for us.' Blaine admitted.

'It sounds like my dad's name.'

'Oh. I prefer Klaine.'

'I thought you would.' Kurt grinned cheekily, leaving Blaine slightly speechless at the sight of Kurt smiling like a monkey.

'I should smile like this more often- it's not often you're speechless.'

Blaine smiled.

'Why are you here?' Blaine asked.

'Well, you've been studying too hard. I missed you. I wanted to whack Wes and David on the head and…I came over to recommend some shampoo for Jeff. Specializes in dyed hair.'

'How mean and amazingly Kurt of you.'

'What can I say? I am a genius.'

'I love you.'

'What?'

'Sorry, was that too soon?'

'Shut up and kiss me, Blaine Warbler.'

'Why does _everyone _call me that?'

'Because you deserve it.'

'Why?'

'You gel your hair.'

'You want me to unleash the beast?'

'Yes.'

'Okay.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fluffy ending, I know.<strong>


	16. Chapter 16: AVPM Madness

**AN: If you wanna get with me, there's some things you oughta know. I like my beat fast and my bass down low.**

**I love quoting songs sometimes.**

**So, I watched Prom Queen again and pretty much fainted when I saw 'I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You'. Darren Criss is killing me softly with his song. Literally.**

**Is it weird that I forget the title of this fanfic? I mean, it may be due to the fact that I listen to The Warblers singing about misery. **

**This chapter shall be for lalala223. She has a cool name.**

**Awesome, in fact.**

**Damn, that word again.**

**Does anyone actually read this?**

**Disclaimer: Damn it. I'm not Ryan Murphy. I do not own AVPM, either. If I did though…**

* * *

><p>'I mean, Mr Shue is nice, but seriously, the sexual tension between him and Miss Pillsbury will be the death of me.' Kurt rambled on to Wes. David and Blaine was currently buying coffee for everyone.<p>

'Who's Miss Pillsbury?' Wes asked innocently.

'Oh, she's the guidance counseller. It's a weird job, since she's OCD. Actually, I need to go apologise to her for…never mind.'

'For what?'

'I was drunk and called her Bambi. I might have thrown up on her a little too.'

'Ooh, that's bad.'

'DID SOMEBODY SAY DAVID 'THE BACKFLIPPER' THOMPSON?' David shouted triumphantly, almost spilling the contents of his coffee on Kurt's lap. He recoiled when he saw Kurt's angry glare. (**an: oh god, AVPM quote…**)

'No, we didn't, David the incompetent fool.' Kurt deadpanned.

'Haters gonna hate.' David shrugged it off.

'Then almost everyone in the world apart from Wes will hate you.' Kurt replied absentmindedly.

'Agreed.' Blaine said, nodding his head.

'Aww, now two people are mad at me…' David said dejectedly.

'You've been acting like a real jerk lately…you know that, right?' Wes teased. David stuck his tongue out at Wes.

'Oh, how mature.' Wes smirked. Blaine laughed at Kurt's expression which was a mixture of disdain and amusement.

'Stop laughing at me.' Kurt muttered.

Blaine immediately shut up.

'Whipped.' Wes murmured.

'Are you _trying _to make whipped cream, Wes?' Blaine retorted, obviously flustered.

'Yes. I shall rule the world, using only whipped cream. Then, you can kiss the planet goodbye.' Wes laughed.

'Kiss the planet goodbye? Having second thoughts about killing your gavel, are you?' Kurt shot at Wes.

'Did you just threaten my gavel?'

'Did you just ask me a question which you know the answer too?' Kurt questioned.

'Did you answer my question?'

Kurt simply raised an eyebrow as he delivered an ego-blowing put-down.

'Wes, I'm going to be honest with you. I think you have a serious problem with your gavel, and you will never get a girlfriend whilst carrying your gavel, trying to look cool and winking so hard it looks like your having a seizure.'

Wes blushed. 'I really want to go live on Mars right now.' He admitted.

'Considering Pigfarts?' David queried.

'The lack of girls who are hotter than a 9.8 are really rare over there. So, no, I'm not considering Pigfarts.' Wes said unhappily.

* * *

><p>Kurt was sitting on the floor of Blaine's dormitory, drawing. He was extremely worried about Wes and David, since for some reason, the conversation had gone weirder than normal when they were in the coffee shop. 'Don't worry about them. They're just cranky because they ran out of red vines.' Blaine comforted Kurt. 'What are you drawing?'<p>

'The stupid looks on Wes and David's faces when they're talking about Pigfarts.' Kurt said, who was actually beginning to plan the New Direction's outfit for Nationals. 'Are you a mind-reader or something?'

'Yes…maybe…no.'

'That's absurd!' Wes shouted from outside the door.

'You're absurd!' David retorted.

'What? Say that to my face!' Wes shot at David. Kurt rolled his eyes- he would never really tire of Wes and David's stupid arguments.

'You're absurd!'

'That's absurd!'

Kurt stood up, brushed off any imaginary pieces of fluff off his jeans and flung open the door.

'I AM GETTING SICK OF THE WORD ABSURD SO PLEASE COULD YOU SHUT UP! I AM DESIGNING _OUTFITS_ HERE! PLEASE, GO TO YOUR ROOM AND HAVE MAKE UP-' Kurt bellowed, showcasing his manly vocals.

'Chill, Kurt.' Wes interrupted calmly. 'We're sorry.'

'You humiliated us and then stripped us of our dignity.' David muttered to Kurt. 'You'll pay for this.'

'Two things: One, that's kind of the same thing. Two: PUT IT ON MY TAB!' Kurt watched David deflate slightly.

'Blaine, close your mouth. You look like a goldfish.' Kurt said without turning around to see Blaine's jaw on the floor.

* * *

><p>'Did you get my text?' Jeff eagerly asked Kurt, who was really regretting his weekend stay at Dalton with Blaine.<p>

'Yes! I got all nine hundred of them and I'm tired of you clogging up my inbox!'

'Well, you didn't text me back.' Jeff pouted. Nick ran up to the two, panting slightly.

'I ran out of red vines!' Nick admitted sadly. Jeff shrieked in shock.

'What is the big deal about red vines?' Kurt asked.

'Red vines…what the hell can't they do?' Jeff explained.

'Well, I doubt they can sing 'Four Minutes' with Mercedes in front of McKinley.' Kurt replied. Jeff covered Nick's ears angrily, shushing Kurt. 'Blasphemy,' Jeff hissed.

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

'Hey, Hummel, Hummel, Hummel!' Thad whispered to Kurt.

'What, Thad?'

'I drew a picture of you. Pay special attention to the shading on your sweater. It's…rather good. It's quite good. You know…it's probably the best I've ever done. Actually…can I have that back? Wait, no…I'm taking it! I've stolen my favourite drawing!' Thad shouted, grabbing the piece of paper from Kurt's hand and running around Dalton with a drawing of a stick man with a quiff and a very well drawn sweater.

'Serves you right for BLASPHEMING!' Jeff wailed. He raced off in tears.

* * *

><p>'Blaine can't draw. Blaine can't draw. Blaine cannot draw. He only reads books and sings so he cannot draw, even if he's reading a how-to-draw book.' Wes sang, dancing around Blaine.<p>

'Blaine's a butt!' David joined in.

'David and Wes can't sing! David and Wes can't sing!' Blaine desperately sang.

'Excuse me boys.' Kurt said dramatically. He strutted to where Blaine was standing and put his best, 'spill the truth or I'll rip your guts out' stare. 'What happened to Dalton?'

'It turned into Pigfarts.' Wes said, utterly terrified.

'No, Wes. Once every six hundred years, Dalton turns into some weird, gay parody of Harry Potter or something. Blaine is the only one who is the least affected but the madness starts when he says-' David began.

'You BUTT-TRUMPET! A pff pff pff a pff pff pff...Who looks stupid now? You do!' Blaine screamed, interrupting David' explanation, who began singing something about Granger being a danger.

'Oh god.' Kurt sent up a silent prayer to Grilled Cheesus.

'GOD IS A BUTT-TRUMPET!' Wes shouted enthusiastically.

* * *

><p>Kurt woke up, breathing heavily. He was in Blaine's room and Wes was watching something on his laptop which he had brought to Blaine's sleepover.<p>

'What are you watching?' Kurt asked Wes.

'Something called A Very Potter Musical- I was going to show Blaine.'

Kurt leaned over Wes's shoulder and watched the show for a while. Within seconds they were laughing hysterically.

Kurt recognised something 'Harry' said and realised that the noise from the computer must have influenced Kurt's nightmare.

Blaine groaned and woke up.

'Whatyouwatchinbleugh.' Blaine drawled lazily.

'What you watching bleugh? How literate.' Kurt smirked. 'We're watching AVPM.'

Wes poked Kurt in the hip just as Kurt was turning around to watch the hilarious parody, which accidently made Wes-

'Did you just poke my boyfriend in the butt?' Blaine questioned, obviously struggling to not laugh or pound Wes with his fists.

'By accident...' Wes trailed off when Blaine stood up, went to Wes's jacket and picked up his gavel. The lead soloist of the Warblers walked over to Wes and whacked him on the head with the gavel.

'There. Even.' Blaine muttered.

'All this over my bottom?' Kurt asked smugly.

'It's a fine butt.' Blaine said, wiggling both eyebrows. Kurt blushed.

'Get a room!' Wes said, covering his eyes. Blaine and Kurt rolled their eyes and watched 'Harry' sing something.

'He looks a lot like you.' Kurt murmured absentmindedly.

'Excuse me?'

'Darren Criss looks like you, Blaine Anderson.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, I don't actually know how this happened. One second, I was writing an innocent chapter which explained that Wes didn't actually love his gavel, he loved the POWER which came with it (which somehow forgotten) and the next second…AVPMAVPS ahoy! Oh god. Something is severely wrong with me.**

**Maybe it's my inner Starkid.**

**Okay, so I've edited it. Purely because I read it and didn't really understand it. **


	17. Chapter 17:Question Game

**AN: HALF-TERM! 65 REVIEWS!**

**All I'm gonna say: WTFH?**

**Partly based on a PJO fic I once read. So, how was your day?**

**I just realised that I always write down, 'as in David Henrie hot'. I mean, he is…ah, but not as much as Darren or Chris. **

**If it helps, here are all the couples I ship in Glee:**

**Klaine (well, duh!)**

**Bartie (but Brittana is happening…sad face…)**

**Finchel**

**Quam OR Samcedes**

**Pantana or Suck…wow that sounds weird.**

**Lauren Ben Israel (Jacob and Lauren)**

**Wemma OR Wolly/Hill**

**Chang-Chang**

**Maybe Bike- I can stand it and it kinda makes sense.**

**Quick. Or Puinn, depending on what you want to call it.**

**Disclaimer: Don't you know that I turned into Ryan Murphy overnight? *insert sarcasm***

* * *

><p>Kurt, Wes, David, Thad and Blaine were in Blaine's dorm. Everyone apart from the couple were sleeping soundly, their snores harmonizing nicely.<p>

'Do you want to play the question game?' Kurt curiously asked Blaine- it had been boring, since Blaine was eating a lollipop and Kurt was thinking hard about the latest Finchel drama.

'How do you play the question game?'

'Do I have to tell you have to play the question game?'

'Yes…' Blaine trailed off uncertainly.

'I win one point- right?'

'What?'

'Do you not understand?'

'I think I get it.'

'Is that 2-0 to me?'

Blaine grunted angrily.

'Why am I losing?'

'Maybe it's because you're wearing so much gel in your hair- don't you think so?'

'Perhaps, or maybe it's because…AARGH!'

'Do I get another point?'

'YES!'

'Is that _another _point?'

'Maybe…' Blaine thought wildly for a question to ask, watching Kurt raise an eyebrow.

'How do you raise an eyebrow without looking like a pervert?' He hurriedly asked. Blaine watched Kurt's shocked face.

'I don't know- have you ever done that?'

'Only to you, honey.'

'Do I get another point?'

'You win. I give up!' Blaine exclaimed angrily. Wes and Thad woke up lazily, muttering something about teenage dreams and pushing something.

'What are you guys doing?' Thad asked Kurt. Kurt smirked, sensing an opportunity.

'Do you want to play the question game?'

'Why not?'

'Shall I list all the reasons why you shouldn't?' It was at moments like this when Kurt thanked his ability to think quickly, whether it came to bitchy put-downs or questions.

'No, I'm playing.' Thad said, furrowing his brow in concentration.

'Thad, the aim of the game is-' Blaine began before Wes smiled.

'I'm a master at this game. Watch and learn, boys.' He stated, leaning forward and almost falling off Blaine's bed. 'Kurt- Thad's not playing and I am replacing him.'

'Are you sure?'

'Are you sure you're sure?'

'I'm pretty certain- are you sure?'

'What?'

'Do you have a certain dependency on your gavel, Wes Warbler?'

'What?'

'Isn't that a point for me because you repeated your question?'

'Don't you know you get a point?'

'Did you answer my question?'

'What question?'

'Do you have a certain dependency of your gavel, Wesley Warbler?'

'Do I get a point?'

'No, didn't I say 'Wesley' instead of 'Wes', Wes?'

'Damn you're good.'

'Am I winning?'

'Yes. DAMN!'

'Should I laugh in your face?'

Thad and Blaine were in silent hysterics, watching Wes's face which somehow turned into a mixture of befuddled and angry.

'What are you doing?' David drawled sleepily. He rubbed his eyes and saw Kurt and Wes look at him simultaneously.

'Is he playing the question game?' Wes queried.

'It looks like it, don't you think?'

'Who'd a thunk it?' (**AN: I need to teach myself to stop copying other people.**) Wes smiled.

'Shall we come up with a list of the people who, as so eloquently put, 'thunk it'?'

'Why not?'

'Who would you put first?'

Wes was stumped by this simple question, before he came up with a clever comeback.

'Let's not start with me- it was your idea and you come up with the first person on the list, okay?'

'I think Brittany, don't you agree?'

'What the heck is happening?' David asked.

'Why do you think Brittany?' Wes questioned Kurt, who simply raised his eyebrows, dug out his phone and called someone.

Brittany picked up almost instantly.

'Is this Kurt's dolphin? Because, I really like dolphins. Not as much as cockroaches, though. I hate rats though- I think they persuaded Lord Tubbington to smoke. Again.'

'Do you think that the Asian guy who fancies you is a dolphin, Britt?'

'Probably! Should I make out with his too to see?'

'God yes.' Wes prayed.

'Britt, can I go now?'

'Sure! Just remember- I'm a slave for you!' Brittany cheerfully sang, hanging up after the last note.

Kurt smirked at Wes.

'Do you know I hate your shit-eating face?' Wes asked angrily, ignoring Blaine's furious grin.

'Do you know that Blaine is a pervert when he raises an eyebrow?' Kurt shot at Wes.

'You win.' Wes surrendered, throwing his hands up.

'I am the undefeatable master of sai swords and questions. David, could you pass me that Vogue magazine?' Kurt asked innocently.

'Sure.' David handed Kurt the magazine.

'Do I get a point?'

David's eyes bugged out of his head.

'Huh?'

'You never said you quit playing and I want to know if I got a point- did I?'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, this one's pretty short. <strong>

**Hope you liked the AVPM chapter!**


	18. Chapter 18: Operation Hair Gel

**AN: Bleugh. Did anyone see the Doctor Who episode? The Almost People.**

**I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT!**

**Anyway, I just realized that soon, in about two weeks, I will be going to the Isle of Wight for five days with no electronics. **

**That means NO fanfiction for five days. AAAH! No reading 'Kiss' by foraworldundeserving and no updating. Sorry.**

**By the way, if you've seen the latest DW episode, please please PM me or something- I need to talk to someone ABOUT IT!**

**70 reviews…awwww…**

**Don't worry, it's in TWO weeks. So you'll have another week of me and my madness.**

**I kinda feel sorry for you now.**

**Disclaimer: Gee wiz, I've turned into Pinocchio! I own glee! *nose grows massively long* Well, damn.**

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't really understand why Blaine insisted on loading his hair with gel. He wouldn't have minded if it was a good quality kind of gel, but it wasn't.<p>

When Kurt tried to use it, he almost gasped at how _oily _and _thick _it was.

So he went for the radical approach.

Wes and David had agreed to help Kurt of course.

* * *

><p><strong>Operation Get Blaine's Hair Gel and Terminate It: Stage One<strong>

_You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream_

_The way you turn me on!_

Kurt raced to his phone and answered it immediately

'Hey, Kurt.' Blaine said happily. The iPhone had such good connection sometimes.

'Hey, Blaine.'

'I can't find my gel. Do you know where Wes and David hid it?' Blaine questioned.

Kurt almost snorted. 'Yes. I mean, noooo way.'

'Where is it?' Blaine asked seriously. He seemed quite panicked. 'Kurt, don't do this to me. You know what I look like without gel. It's like a monster.'

'A hot, singing monster.' Kurt corrected.

'Bleuaaah?' Blaine made a noise of disbelief and happiness.

'Is that even a word?' Kurt asked.

'Look, where is my hair gel, Kurt? I expect this kind of behavior from Wes and David but not from you!'

'Blaine Anderson. I'm doing this for your own good.' Kurt said before hanging up.

**Operation Get Blaine's Hair Gel And Terminate It: Stage Two.**

_Ahh, push it._

_Push it good!_

Kurt rolled his eyes as he read the text.

_**Kurt…please tell me…I can't find it ANYWHERE and Wevid have LOCKED me in the bathroom…tell me and I'll be your slave for…eight weeks! I'll do anything! Wink wink…JUST TELL ME!**_

Kurt simply changed the song from 'Push It' to the classic FRIENDS song by Phoebe Buffay.

He found the lyrics to 'Little black curly hair' online and started to sing it.

_Little black curly hair,_

_Little black curly hair!_

* * *

><p><strong>Operation Get Blaine's Hair Gel and Terminate It: Stage Three<strong>

'Have you done it yet?' Kurt asked Wes.

'Yes, of course. We got caught by Jeff but he decided to help us after we told him what we were doing.' David answered.

'Good. Now, please, in the name of Grilled Cheesus, will you take off your sunglasses and get rid of the walkie-talkies? It completely defeats the purpose of 'keeping under the radar'.' Kurt stated.

'Well, then why does everyone wear them in movies?' Wes queried.

'They're idiots.' Kurt told Wes and David before getting up and phoning Mercedes. After a long talk about Prom, Kurt finally hung up and bounded over to Wes and David happily.

'It's starting.'

* * *

><p><strong>Operation Get Blaine's Hair and Terminate It: Stage Four<strong>

'I hate you.'

'No, you don't.'

'No, I don't.' Blaine admitted to his boyfriend.

His hair had to go commando.

'Where have you put my hair gel?'

'Kurt said that toilets are really important.' Brittany suddenly said. Kurt face palmed. They had gone shopping in one of Ohio's malls.

'Are we going to have another Barbravention?' Brittany asked.

'No, boo. We're having a Blainevention.'

They grabbed Blaine by the shoulders and marched him to the exact same spot where Kurt had started his 'Barbravention' for Rachel.

'Now, I know I did this for Rachel and it worked wonders. So, I'm doing this for you. I'm not saying you stop using gel but just use _less_. Okay?'

'Also, I think you look really hot without gel.' Brittany chimed in. Kurt smiled and looked down. Wes and David were standing by some speakers.

'Go.' Kurt said, clicking his fingers at them. (**AN: Yes, it's a Blainevention!**) Wes and David scrolled through Kurt's iPod and found the song everyone wanted.

Brittany and Kurt dragged Blaine- seriously, how many times was he going to be dragged? - to the escalator, pushing against the crowd.

_I whip my hair back and forth,_

_I whip my hair back and forth,_

_I whip my hair back and forth,_

_I whip my hair back and forth,_

_Whip it real good._

Brittany and Kurt lead the Warblers and New Directions in an amazing dance which included lots of Hairography. The Warbler's all donned wigs apart from Jeff, who, according to Kurt, didn't need one.

_Hop on out of bed, turn my swag on,_

_Pay no attention to them haters because we whip them off._

It was pretty obvious that Brittany, Wes and David had choreographed it when all the Warblers started doing Beyonce's 'booty-shake' from the Crazy In Love video. Blaine couldn't help but start recording it on his phone.

_And we ain't doing nothing wrong,_

_So don't tell me nothing, I'm just tryna have fun,_

_So what's up?_

Brittany did a complicated flip/solo lift/tap dance thing with Mike and Blaine watched in amazement.

Blaine simply watched on.

**Operation Get Blaine's Hair Gel and Terminate It: Stage Five**

'You know, you never told me what happened to my hair gel.' Blaine mused.

'Wes and David flushed it down the toilet along with Jeff. Apparently, that's how the toilet got blocked.'

'What?'

'Blaine, that gel was _horrendous. _The reason we're here was twofold. One, we would hold that Blainevention. Two, we would go shopping for some good quality gel. Size of a dime, that's all you need.'

'You're a genius.'

'You don't have to tell me, Darren Criss lookalike.'

'Stop calling me that please.'

'Sure, Blaine Warbler.'

'It's Anderson.'

'I know.'

* * *

><p><strong>Operation Get Blaine's Hair Gel and Terminate It: Misson Accomplished.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I don't know how this one happened either. I guess listening to 'Barbra Streisand' and the Journey Medley rubs off on you.<strong>

**Puck and Santana's duet during 'Don't Stop Believing' was KICK-ASS!**


	19. Chapter 19: Future Reunion

**AN: This will be my first future fic/chapter. **

**Aaah! I was originally going to post this as a prompt, but I realised that even my MIND is too genius for me to handle and that I wanted to write this…**

**If anyone wants to know what Kurt looked like think this:**

**http : .com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRR3juBaT- **

**Just remove the spaces in 'http : /' okay?**

**He looks supermegaawesomefoxyhot. ****Oh, Kurt and Blaine are like, 24.**

**Disclaimer: Can Ryan Murphy give Glee to me for free? Please…insert's Blaine's killer puppy dogs eyes and Kurt's blush and Darren/Chris's raw sexiness* No? Well, damn. I went to a lot of trouble for that.**

**(an: Kind of Wes's POV which was really accidental.**)

* * *

><p>Wes smiled as he licked the envelope, inviting all the Warblers over for a glee reunion.<p>

'Oi! The Gavel Man! Have you sent out all the invitations yet?' David shouted.

Yes, they were living together. No, they weren't gay.

'Just doing Blaine and Kurt's…'

'Are they still together?'

Wes froze at this simple question- Kurt had a different address to Blaine's and he hadn't heard from the countertenor in _ages_. David ran up the stairs to see Wes staring at his address book.

'I don't know. Oh god, oh god, oh god. They've broken up haven't they? And this glee reunion will be awkward for both of them and I'll have to-'

David rolled his eyes at Wes's dramatics. He flipped his phone open and punched in Blaine's number.

'_Hi, my name is Blaine Anderson. I'm pretty sure this is either Wes or David, asking if I'm still with Kurt. Erm, I- wow that feels good- I'm really busy right now, and I've got to erm, go now. Bye._' Blaine's answer machine said.

'My boy's finally getting some!' David hollered, punching the air in happiness.

'He could be getting a massage. Go phone Kurt or something.' Wes ordered. 'I'll get the gavels out.' He threatened.

'I don't know Kurt's phone number!' David admitted, his eyes going wide.

'I do! Use my phone!'

'Jeez, Wes. Excited much?' David murmured. 'Where is your phone?'

Wes's eyes narrowed as he attempted to recall the last place his phone was.

'Bathroom.'

'Why the hell-'

'I don't know, David. Just go phone Kurt and see if Klaine's still in action.'

David raced to the bathroom and pulled out Wes's phone. He decided to ask Wes why it was in a huge cup named, 'GAVELS' later.

Quickly, he phoned Kurt whilst running back to Wes.

_K-kinda busy__  
><em>_K-kinda busy__  
><em>_Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy__._

_Hi, it's Kurt here. I'll get back to you, okay? Unless this is Jacob Ben Israel. No, I will not be interviewed by you, so quit bugging me!_

The duo instantly recognised Kurt's voice and the acapella harmonies in the background for the song were amazing. It seemed to be sung by two familiar baritones.

Wes felt a wave of nostalgia take over his body.

'Do you think Blaine still remembers 'Teenage Dream' and the harmonies?' he asked curiously.

'Presumably.'

'We could perform it if everyone remembers it.'

'We could perform it if almost no-one remembers it.'

In the end, the invitation to Kurt somehow ended up in the bathtub.

* * *

><p>'Hey Jeff! How are you?' Wes said. Jeff and Nick had come together.<p>

'So, any significant others?' David asked as a conversation starter.

'Well…' Jeff said, looking at Nick worriedly. He nodded. 'We're kind of but not really dating.' Jeff explained quickly. Wes groaned and rifled in his pockets for money, handing David a considerable amount of money.

'Trent! You owe me ten dollars!' David shouted triumphantly. Jeff and Nick watched in horror.

'Once a gambler, always a gambler.' Wes shrugged. Nick rolled his eyes and went over to talk to Trent.

'Excuse me?' a man with the curliest hair ever came over to Wes, rubbing his eyes lazily. 'Is this Dalton Academy? I'm pretty sure that my fiancée gave me the wrong directions and he, I mean she, I mean he knows that I'm rubbish-'

'Blaine!' Wes shouted happily, engulfing Blaine in a huge bear hug. 'Guys, its Blaine!' he shouted to everyone else in the room. Wes quickly searched around for a porcelain skinned boy, but found no-one. Blaine was talking to David about his job- he was a music teacher, composer and occasionally sang at theme parks.

Wes greeted many more old members of the Warblers before listening in to Blaine's conversation with David.

'-naturally, I had bought a new apartment because, seriously, you can't fit a grand piano in a small flat in Manhattan. Also, it kind of gets rid of many snobby parents who don't want their children to go downtown and have lessons from a gay guy. For some reason, they prefer going to the _suburbs_ to have their child taught by a gay guy.' Blaine rambled on. Wes laughed. He missed Blaine's weird charm.

'Wes, David, how about you?'

'Well, I'm currently writing a book for Dalton about the Warblers and David's a photographer.' Wes supplied.

'Cool. Oh, by the way, I'm bringing a plus one. Hope you don't mind.' David glanced at Wes and they seemed to have a conversation with their eyes- something they picked up on from hanging around with Kurt and Blaine.

'How's Kurt?' David boldly asked.

'Kurt? Oh, he's really busy. He's working on his fall fashion show and he's writing a play. I don't know how he fits in time to perform every night.' Blaine laughed. 'He's also doing some private interior designing as a job on the side. I don't know how he does it.'

'GUYS! HE'S TALKING ABOUT KURT! GET OVER HERE NOW!' David bellowed. The room went deathly silent, before erupting in a huge mass of questions regarding their life in the bedroom.

'Wanky...' A female voice said loudly. The room went silent.

'Oh god. Santana, I thought Kurt told you not to come!' Blaine said, turning towards an attractive Latina. She pouted.

'Are you joking? I would've missed out on prep school boys. They do everything so much better.' Santana said suggestively, raising an eyebrow.

'Oh god, she's hot.' Someone muttered.

'Be glad Brittany didn't come with me. You would've got a boner just by looking at both of us.' Santana replied. Blaine and Santana exchanged looks before Santana understood.

'He's running behind schedule.'

'Okay. Boys,' Blaine said grandly, turning towards the crowd of older, horny men. 'This is Santana. She'll happily sleep with all of you. Okay?' Blaine saw the predatory look in her eyes before launching into a playful debate with David about the Buck-eye's latest season.

* * *

><p>Santana had left after a few minutes of shameless flirting with David. She high-fived a tall, lean figure on her way out, but nobody noticed.<p>

'No way is that possible David! I stand by my theory that Neil Patrick Harris is _straight_.' Wes's voice rang out clearly across the room. All the heads turned to look at him.

'Sorry to break your heart, but Neil Patrick Harris is gay and I'm pretty sure you are too.' A familiar voice replied. Blaine snorted.

'I'm not gay.' Wes shot back.

'Well, you're at least gavel-sexual.'

'Is that even possible?'

'Possible when it comes to you.'

'I-erm-AARG!'

'How literate, Wes. Arg. Where is that in the dictionary?' The figure said smugly. Blaine was in silent hysterics before poking Thad in the ribs.

'Have you got my sunglasses?' Blaine queried eagerly. The person sighed and threw some bright pink sunglasses to Blaine, who caught them deftly and put them on.

'I never should have gotten you those for our anniversary.'

'They were the best present ever.'

'Even better than the Fourth of July?'

'Okay, maybe not as good as that night.'

'Thought so.'

Blaine smiled, his eyes alight with mischief. (**an: hinted smuttiness! and proposing!**)

'Who are you?' Wes asked curtly.

'And I thought you were the smart one. My name is Kurt Hummel and I was a Warbler for a short period of time. Remember me?'

'Hello CT.' David said.

'B.'

'What?' Wes yelled. (**AN: If anyone works it out, you receive a cyber hug.**)

'Have you got karaoke?'

'No…'

'Are you planning on us singing 'Teenage Dream' again?' Blaine questioned. Wes groaned and hit David on the head.

* * *

><p>'Get a room!' Wes yelled at Kurt and Blaine's obvious flirting.<p>

'We have. You're in it.' Kurt responded.

'No-I mean- You- AAARG!'

'Again with the 'arg'.'

'I really want to kill you right now.'

'No you don't. Do you know why? Because I'm amazing at karaoke. You'll want to kill me after a make a bad song sound amazing.'

'Oh! Shotgun first!' Blaine shouted. Kurt rolled his eyes.

'I'm surprised he hasn't started jumping on the furniture yet.' Kurt confided in Wes.


	20. Chapter 20: Break In and Sai

**AN: Oh dear god, eighty frickin reviews. And it's my 20th chapter!**

**Anyway, the whole nickname thing goes to aurora4847. I actually laughed for like, three minutes when I read Vampire Chipmunk's, but in a good way. Because now I really wish it was that.**

**So you can both have a cyber-hug!  
><strong>**Yay!**

**Wraaaah…  
><strong>**Sorry, I just felt like doing that.**

**I WATCHED FUNERAL. JESSE IS AN IDIOT. **

**That's all.**

**Apart from the fact that Kurt should have sung Give Up the Funk just to see the look on Jesse's face BEFORE singing Some People. Because that would be hilarious. And I freaked out slightly when Kurt sang 'I had a dream, I dreamed it for you papa'. Seriously, 'Rose's Turn' déjà vu.**

**I agree with Kurt though. Jesse St Sucks.  
><strong>

**This is...based on a fic I've recently read. I've favourited it.**

**Does anyone actually read the authors note?**

**Disclaimer: If I said I own glee, I mean by the tender crook of my elbow. And yes, I slipped in a Kurt quote.**

* * *

><p>'I swear that the ghost of Jean Sylvester is haunting Wes's gavel or something and it favours me.' Kurt said.<p>

'How does a haunted gavel favour you?' Blaine laughed.

'The thing shows up in my room _every day, _Blaine. Every day. Also, Jesse St. James is totally screwing Rachel. I sung 'Some People' and I nailed it and he has the nerve to say I'm too controversial! Hell, he will _work _for me one day. We'll see who's laughing when he polishes my shoes and fetches cans of hairspray for me.'

Kurt rambled on over a cup of coffee. Blaine simply gazed at Kurt, wishing that he could go punch Jesse St. Blind-and-deaf-because-seriously-who-screws-Rachel-freaking-Berry-and-thinks-that-Kurt-didn't-do-a-good-job?

'Who else auditioned?' Blaine questioned.

'Santana sang Black to Black and it was actually quite good. Mercedes sang 'Try A Little Tenderness'.' Kurt said quietly. 'I was still better than them though.' Kurt said, as if daring Blaine to pipe up and defy him.

'I don't doubt that.'

'How were the Warblers?' Kurt queried.

'I got another solo. I think I'm the adequate singer left now who hasn't gone insane with Nick, Jeff, David, Wes and Thad going on about kazoos.'

* * *

><p>Kurt rolled his eyes as his phone vibrated three times and then began screaming, 'IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY!'<p>

He picked up hesitantly.

'No, she's dead, this is her son.' Kurt said dully. Everyone ignored this macabre welcome by deafening Kurt.

'STOP STEALING MY GAVEL!' Wes screamed.

'STOP ANNOYING WESLEY!' David screamed.

'YOU MOCK US SIR!' Jeff screamed.

'HEY! I ONLY SAID THAT ONCE!' Thad yelled.

'Wes, I haven't been stealing your gavel. Nick's been putting it in my room. David, I really doubt you're straight. Thad, shut up and Jeff and Nick just go teach a kangaroo how to play a kazoo or else I'll show you my rendition of 'Rose's Turn'.'

Kurt breathed heavily and hung up. After all, there is too much screaming and singing a diva can handle before snapping and belting a perfect rendition of a classic.

* * *

><p>Kurt climbed the stairs and glanced at a drawer. He cautiously opened it and drew his sai swords.<p>

He began flipping them, twirling them and jabbing them in the air.

'AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!' Finn yelled, slamming the door shut.

'Oh god.'

'What's up?' Burt said, opening the door to Kurt's bedroom.

'Finn didn't know I practised sai swords.' Kurt explained.

'Well, neither did I.' Burt said. 'Good to know though.'

* * *

><p>Kurt was at a manly sleepover.<p>

Blaine, Wes and David were chilling out and playing Call of Duty at David's mansion/house. Wes and Kurt were currently in a massive gun fight, as both were unnaturally good at COD.

There was a loud crash downstairs. Everyone froze and Kurt took advantage of the situation by shooting Wes dead.

Stone dead.

'You killed me.' Wes stated in disbelief.

'I did. Does anyone have a knife?' Kurt said absentmindedly. 'I'd better check out that crash downstairs.'

'Why do you need a knife?' David asked.

'Well, I need two.'

'Why do you need a knife?' David repeated.

'I don't have my sai swords with me.'

Blaine choked on his saliva and Wes thumped him on the back hard, causing him to fall off his beanbag.

* * *

><p>'David, get a bin. Wes, get something big, heavy and metal. Blaine, get a frying pan.'<p>

'A frying pan? Why do I get the frying pan?' Blaine pouted.

'We watch Tangled pretty much _every _night Blaine. Surely you can work out why you would need a frying pan.' Kurt rolled his eyes.

'Tangled?' Wes questioned.

'Flynn Rider is hot. Blaine likes Disney.' David said, much to everyone's surprise. 'Hey, we both know Kurt was going to say it.' David shrugged, nodding at Kurt.

'Flynn Rider? Seriously?' Blaine asked.

'I may have a thing for brunettes with a sense of humour and dapperness.' Kurt admitted.

'How is Flynn Rider dapper?' Blaine questioned.

'How are your eyebrows perfectly triangular?' Kurt retorted.

'Touché, Hummel. Touché.' Wes smiled.

'Get the damn frying pan, Anderson.' Kurt ordered.

'How would a frying pan help?' Wes questioned.

'I swear, if I looked in your head, there would be a little back hole with a 'for rent' sign.' Kurt sighed.

* * *

><p>In the kitchen, Kurt picked up two large steak knives and twirled them around experimentally. He soon got used to the size and began humming quietly. (<strong>AN: Oh god, that sounds like innuendo!<strong>)

Blaine picked up a large pan and mimed whacking Wes on his head, who whipped out two gavels.

'I knew you were hiding them from me!' David exclaimed shrilly. Wes simply hit David on the head a few times and David was reduced to a mad fit of giggles. He was carrying a pink, floral bin.

'I wish there was Gavels Anonymous.' Kurt said wistfully.

* * *

><p>'Do you think David will kill us for sneaking into his home?' Jeff asked Nick tentatively.<p>

'Yes.' Nick replied quickly.

'We're doomed.'

'Yes, we are.'

'Dead.'

'We just need to think positive.'

'Our lives shall end so soon.'

'Not really helping with the positive thinking.'

'Sorry.'

'No problem.'

'Doomed, I tell you.'

'Shut up Jeff.'

'Okay.'

The duo explored David's house/mansion quietly, until Jeff tripped over a frying pan.

'What the-'

'What happened to shutting up, Jeff?'

* * *

><p>All Jeff could honestly remember was Kurt in a ninja pose, twirling his steak knives threateningly.<p>

'My name is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel and I am not afraid to channel my inner Jackie Chang.'

'Hot.' Blaine murmured.

'I will buy you a vicious dog and I will chop you up into strips of kebab meat and feed you to that dog.'

'Hot.' Blaine repeated.

'My friends and significant other will beat you to death as well. Anything else?'

'Guys, it's just me and Jeff.' Nick said, stepping out of the shadows.

'You mean I just wasted a perfectly good argument. Damn. I was looking forward to my inner Noah Puckerman/Jackie Chang.' Kurt cursed.

'Hotttt...' Blaine muttered.

'I DON'T WANT SALIVA ON MY KITCHEN FLOOR!' David bellowed, hitting Blaine. 'THINK OF SEX WITH GIRLS, BLAINE. BORING, FEMALE SEX. WITH RACHEL BERRY.'

'Okay, I'm back!'

'Did you think of a naked Rachel Berry?' Kurt smirked.

'Yes.' Blaine whimpered.


	21. Chapter 21: Glee Club Singoff

**AN: If I get to 100 reviews, I would probably write a huge celebration chapter dedicated to everyone who's ever reviewed.**

**Ooh, spoilers.**

**Anyway, Kurt should get more solos. And I just realised something else- Artie gets quite a lot of solos too, but he **_**deserves **_**them. **

**Klaine go together like banana and pancakes. **

**Sorry, I'm was listening to Jack Johnson when I wrote that.**

**Does anyone have any ideas on this story? You know, like what should happen for the MASSIVE celebratory chapter…when I should cap it (le gasp! Well, I can't do this forever…can I?)…actually, I'll think about this on a morbid, macabre day when Klaine break up- NEVER!**

**MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Okay, you probably won't see this, but I can't update for the next five days- it's that Isle of Wight thing! So, so sorry about that but you know, five days without me is a pretty good thing.**

**Disclaimer: If Ryan Murphy had hair, lived in England and Harry Potter was real, I would make some Polyjuice Potion and TURN INTO HIM. BECAUSE I WANT TO OWN GLEE. But, I don't. Sad face…**

* * *

><p>'Kurt's junk is bigger than yours, Puck.' Brittany said halfway through Rachel's newest solo. Brad, the piano guy, stopped playing in shock, causing Rachel to stop in anger and mentally shoot daggers at the blonde. Santana noticed this and put her arm protectively around Brittany's shoulders. Artie watched Santana enviously.<p>

'What? My man-junk is the biggest in the school!' Puck shouted in protest.

'Well, you haven't seen Kurt naked.' Brittany said smugly.

'When have you seen me naked, Brittany?' Kurt asked, rolling his eyes.

'Last night, in my dream. It was hot.'

'Wish hobbit was there, huh?' Santana smirked.

'Will everyone be quiet? I am assuming you are _not _discussing my possible solos for Nationals and I would appreciate it if-' Rachel began angrily.

'Meter por el culo, enano. I want to talk about Kurt's-' (**AN: Put it up your ass, midget.**) Santana interrupted, her best 'shut the hell up before I kill you' look on her face.

'We should be discussing Nationals, not Kurt's…privates!' Rachel said, blushing.

'As much as this pains me, I have to agree.' Kurt admitted, his cheeks almost as red. 'We should be talking about Nationals.'

'How big is it?' Puck demanded. Kurt glared at Puck.

'Unlike you, I am _classy_. I refuse to discuss this anymore. Rachel, go back to annoying us. Sorry, I mean…no, I meant annoying us.' Kurt said, shooting one final glare at Puck and Santana.

'What's the deal, dude? Just spill.' Puck said, leaning back in his chair.

'Parfois, je souhaite juste que j'étais at Dalton Académie .' Kurt muttered mutinously. (**AN: Sometimes I just wish I was at Dalton Academy.**)

'Excuse me?' Mercedes coughed menacingly. Almost all of them understood the 'Dalton Academy' part.

'Nothing.' Kurt lied smoothly, a habit he picked up from Blaine. 'What were we talking about?'

'We _were_,' Mike said, injecting a look at Brittany, 'talking about your-'

'Mike, do me a favour and be quiet. I have a horrible feeling that something bad will happen.' Kurt said, rubbing his temples.

'What's wrong?' Mr Schuester questioned. He had ignored Rachel's daily tantrum, Puck's dirty mind and Brittany's comment, but he didn't want to lose Kurt…again.

'I just saw Wes and David.' Kurt groaned.

'Who are Wes and David?' Artie demanded. He was in a bad mood.

'They are devils from another show choir.' Kurt said, throwing his head back.

'Are they dolphins?' Brittany queried curiously.

'You could say that.' Kurt shrugged. 'But I'm pretty sure something's going on with Wes and his gavel.'

The New Directions processed this for a moment, before the door slammed open.

'SPPPPPIIIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!' Rachel shrieked dramatically.

'And you thought I was bad.' Kurt deadpanned. 'You didn't even bother changing out of your uniforms.'

'Nice to see you too, Kurt.' Wes greeted Kurt. 'Thad is getting told off by some woman- do you know who she is?'

Kurt thought for a moment. 'How did she greet you?'

'Well, she said, 'OTHER OTHER ASIAN, BLACKHEAD AND BUTT CHIN JUNIOR. CHOOSE ONE OF YOU TO _FACE MY WRATH._' We naturally chose Thad becuase David is my brother from another mother.' Wes said.

'That explains the dolphin comment.' Santana laughed.

'You've just sentenced Thad to his death.' Kurt said, muttering profanities in French quietly.

* * *

><p>Kurt stormed back into the room, holding Thad by his ear.<p>

'Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.' Thad said.

'Serves you right for that idiotic idea.' Kurt chuckled. 'What in the name of Grilled Cheesus possessed you to HIT on Coach Sylvester?'

Everyone's heads snapped towards Thad.

'It was a reflex!' Thad said, blushing.

'Well, not all the teachers in the world are deprived of sex.' Kurt countered.

'Coach Sylvester's been getting some? How is that possible?' Santana demanded, winking at Thad. 'I like this guy though- he's got balls.'

'Of course he has- its part of the male body.' David said, wrinkling his nose. The whole glee club just waited for David to get it.

'Oh! I got it.'

'I didn't.' Brittany said glumly.

* * *

><p>'So, let me get this straight.' Mr Schue said, obviously confused. 'You're getting your auditorium sound-proofed and it's being rebuilt and you've only just realised that the Warblers needed to practise. You then decided to ask <em>us, <em>the enemy, if you could practise here.'

'Yep!' Wes said cheerfully. 'We could learn from you, you could learn from us and Kurt and Blaine could get their Klaine on.'

'Klaine?' Artie questioned.

'It's a mash-up of 'Kurt' and 'Blaine'. It's our couple name.' Kurt explained sullenly. 'I hate it, but it's definitely better than Burt or Blurt.'

'Hey, what about Kurt CoBlaine?' Finn asked Wes and David enthusiastically.

'Yeah!' David said.

'No, because where would the 'co' come from?' Wes asked.

'Coffee?' David suggested.

'There's a reason you were my friend, and David, I just found it.' Wes smirked. 'Kurt CoBlaine it is!'

Kurt simply rolled his eyes.

'How have I not killed you guys yet?' he muttered.

'We're too awesome.' Wes smirked.

'And Wes has his gavels.' David interjected.

'What's a gavel?' Finn asked.

'I have my sai swords.' Kurt countered. David, Wes and Thad visibly paled.

'Your WHAT?' Rachel shouted.

'Seriously, who knows that I can use sai swords?' Kurt asked, standing up and looking at the New Directions. No-one answered.

'Finn, you walked in on me practising.' Kurt said.

'Dude, that was freaky.' Finn said, fear in his eyes. Santana said something about a 'wuss with boobs,' which everyone ignored.

* * *

><p><strong><em>A few minutes later...<em>**

'So, what do you want to say about the auditorium thing?' Wes asked.

'Has Principal Figgins said yes?' Mr Schuester questioned.

'You mean, has _Coach Sylvester_ said yes?' Quinn corrected.

'Thad?' Kurt asked.

'Well, she called the 'Garglers' a group of short, posh, gay babies who stole her trophy. She also said we could take down the group of talentless, acne ridden teenagers.'

'That's a yes.' Mr Schuester sighed.

* * *

><p>Kurt now officially hated glee club.<p>

Wes and Rachel argued over the use of the auditorium all the time and Blaine wasn't even at McKinley yet.

'All I'm saying is, since New Directions,' Rachel said pompously, pronouncing the glee club's name clearly so it wasn't mistaken by a teenager's dirty mind, 'is going to Regionals; we should use the auditorium more.'

'Why can't you do it in here? The Warblers can use the auditorium and New Directions can practise here and we won't know what the other glee club is doing!' Wes cried out, almost hitting Lauren in the face with his gavel.

'Watch it,' she threatened. Wes jumped away quickly, before turning to scream at Rachel again.

'The acoustics in the auditorium are better than the ones in here!' Rachel argued.

'Look, all I'm saying is that-'

'Wes and Rachel!' Mr Schue shouted, interrupting Wes in his rant. Mr Schue was now on the receiving end of two divas glaring at him. It was quite scary.

'Now, the Warblers are our guests but we need to use the auditorium more. Maybe one day, New Directions and- why are you laughing?' Mr Schue asked Thad and David, who were sniggering.

'Say 'New Directions' really quickly,' David smirked.

'Nude- oh my god. I mean, maybe the New Directions can use the auditorium one day, the Warblers the next.' Mr Schue said.

'I protest!' Rachel screamed. 'We need to use the auditorium more!'

'This is like choosing our set-list all over again.' Kurt sighed. 'I still don't get why I didn't get that solo.'

'It was because I know you can't handle the pressure of Sectionals.' Rachel lied.

'I did a duet with Blaine.' Kurt pointed out.

'You couldn't hit that high F.' Rachel countered.

'I threw it, Berry. My dad got a phone call that called me a fag and I threw it.' Kurt said. The room went silent.

Rachel's mouth was frantically opening and closing.

'Rachel, you look like a goldfish.' Mercedes smiled.

'Damn right,' Artie agreed.

'That's not the point!' Rachel yelled.

'No. The point is that the Warblers need to use the auditorium and so do the New Directions.' Artie said, ignoring his growing headache.

'How is that a point?' Brittany asked.

'Excuse me?' Thad said.

'Well, isn't a point from a knife or something? So, how is the fact that the auditorium is needed by both glee clubs a point?'

'Ignore her- you'll eventually get used to it.' Mercedes reassured the befuddled Warbler.

* * *

><p>Everyone in the room, apart from Wes and Rachel, had a headache.<p>

'IF YOU WANT THE AUDITORIUM SO MUCH, HOW ABOUT WE SING FOR IT?' Wes shrieked, his voice breaking.

'FINE!' Rachel howled.

'FINE!'

'FINE!'

'FINE!'

'SHUT UP!' Thad squawked.

'Are you a parrot?' Brittany asked.

* * *

><p>Blaine stormed into McKinley. He was in a fowl mood- he had lost his hair gel, Wes and David weren't speaking to him and he had woken up to the sound of builders ogling the science teacher. He calmed down when he realised that he was going to talk to Kurt.<p>

'Hey, William Schuester Junior!' Sue said cheerfully.

'Excuse me?' Blaine was always polite.

'Well, you both have absurd amounts of gel in your hair and you are both gay. The only difference is that you are simply out of the closet.' Sue explained. 'Also, go tell your friend, William Schuester Junior the Second, that I will have to decline his offer.'

'What offer?'

'To engage in the hot, wet, nasty thing called anger-'

'GTFO.' Blaine interrupted angrily.

* * *

><p>'I can't believe he had the <em>cheek <em>of insulting my talent!' Rachel sobbed. No-one was consoling her. In fact, most of them were processing the fact that Kurt had thrown the competition.

'So, you can actually hit that note?' Finn asked.

'Yes.' Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

'Like, right now?'

'Yes.' Kurt repeated. He sang that note, and then an A over C, just to show off. Rachel glared at Kurt, who smiled sweetly.

'Wow.' Artie murmured.

'What song should we sing? Maybe 'Give Up the Funk'? It certainly worked on Vocal Adreleline.' Tina suggested.

'No, they've already seen that.' Kurt said.

'What?'

'Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. Well, all I'm saying is, if we do that number, you end up with me, sai swords and a turned on Blaine.' Kurt smirked.

'I'm sure you can fix that.' Santana and Puck said simultaneously.

'What about, 'Bad Romance'?' Tina asked.

'No, the boys wouldn't be comfortable in Lady Gaga costumes.' Rachel shot down Tina's next few suggestions.

'What about…Don't Cry For-'

'NO!' Kurt yelled. Everyone looked at him confused.

'Don't Stop Believing?'

'They've probably already seen it.' Kurt said.

'I think we should figure out what the Warblers are singing, and then do the complete opposite!' Puck said.

'So, should we sing, 'Push It' again? Or perhaps Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on violins.' Kurt said sarcastically.

'Push It?' Rachel said, her eyes glazed over.

'No way.' Quinn said. 'I'm not singing an innuendo laced song.'

'Because someone else pushed it for you?' Santana said slyly, winking at Puck.

'I've got it.' Kurt said suddenly. 'They're going to do 'Teenage Dream' or 'Misery'.'

'How'd you know?' Artie asked.

'Once a Warbler, always a Warbler.' Kurt sighed.

* * *

><p>'Why don't we do Teenage Dream? Or Misery?' Wes suggested.<p>

'Yeah!' Jeff and Nick shouted together.

'Which one?' Blaine questioned.

'We'll do Teenage Dream. After all, Blaine's lucky charm is in the audience.' Wes said, banging his gavel on the closest hard surface- David's head.

'Ow!'

'Sorry.' Wes apologised.

* * *

><p>Times were desperate- Kurt was thinking of the opposite of Teenage Dream and Brittany was just randomly listing songs. Tina kept getting her ideas shot down by Rachel.<p>

'We should so do 'Barbie Girl'.' Brittany stated.

'I like that idea.' Rachel said.

'Peacock?'

'No, Britt.'

'Jesus is a friend of mine.'

'No, Brittany.'

'Got it.' Kurt smirked. 'We'll do a mash-up.'

'Are you sure?' Rachel asked.

'Please- when I suggested it during a meeting, they didn't know what it was.'

'You had meetings?' Santana whistled.

'Did you plead guilty or not guilty?' Brittany asked.

'A mash-up of what?' Artie questioned.

There were a few moments of tension before Kurt's eyes lit up.

'Oh, I'm more amazing then I thought.'

* * *

><p>The Warblers stood on the auditorium stage, practising quietly. Wes kept biting his nails and Blaine kept looking at the auditorium door. The New Directions walked in, wearing a strangely triumphant look and Rachel was smiling broadly.<p>

'Hi.' Blaine said happily. 'Anyway, Wes suggested we do this first because…well, I'm not going to repeat it.'

'Use protection, Kurt!' Wes said, winking suggestively.

'Wanky.' Santana said.

'Wes, remember what I said about facial seizures?' Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

Wes immediately shut up.

'Well, you got a brief gist.' Blaine laughed. 'So…this one's to the new kid. If you'll excuse me.'

Kurt rolled his eyes- all of the New Directions seemed confused.

'He means me.' Kurt whispered.

'But you're not new.' Brittany whispered back.

'SSSSHHHHH!' Rachel said loudly.

* * *

><p>The Warblers sang 'Teenage Dream' flawlessly. Rachel looked immensely worried.<p>

'Your turn.' David hollered, before being slapped on the head by Thad.

All of the glee boys stood on a stage. Santana, Quinn and Tina (**AN: You'll see why Brittany isn't there- wink wink.**) stood with their backs to the Warblers.

_Tarzan and Jane were swinging on a vine!_

The glee boys sang, pointing at Santana.

_Candy man, candy man._

Santana somehow managed to make this sound promiscuous.

_Sippin from a bottle of vodka, double wine!_

The glee boys now pointed at Quinn.

_Candy man, candy man,_

Quinn sang.

_Candy man, candy man, _

Tina sang, winking at Mike. Sure, they had edited it, but Tina wanted a solo.

_Sweet sugar candy man!_

All three girls sang a different word, turning around to face the Warblers.

Mercedes came out, singing powerfully.

_I met him out for dinner on a Friday night, _

_He really had me working up an appetite, _

_He had tattoos up and down his arm,_

_There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm._

The music changed slightly and Brittany came out from beneath a large, red curtain.

'This is a mash-up.' Wes muttered, obviously terrified.

_What you got boy, is hard to find__,__  
><em>_I think about it all the time__.__  
><em>_I'm all strung out my heart is fried__,__  
><em>_I just can__'__t get you off my mind__._

The rest of the glee club appeared, singing the chorus of the song.

_Because your love your love your love is my drug__  
><em>_Your love your love your love __  
><em>_(I said)__  
><em>_Your love your love your love is my drug__  
><em>_Your love your love your love__!_

Brittany smirked as she began the second verse.

_Won't listen to any advice__  
><em>_Momma's telling me I should think twice__  
><em>_But look into my own devices, I'm addicted it's a crisis__  
><em>_My friends think I've gone crazy__  
><em>_My judgments gettin' kinda hazy__  
><em>_My st__atus__ is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a love sick __erk-__ head_

Quinn, Santana, Tina and Mercedes sang the chorus.

_He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop__  
><em>_He's a sweet-talkin', sugar coated candy man__  
><em>_A sweet-talkin', sugar coated candyman__!_

Mercedes belted out the last note.

* * *

><p>After a few moments of letting that jaw-dropping performance sink in, Wes could sense when he was beaten, until Blaine stood up.<p>

'Desperate measures!' he said to the Warblers. 'Just improvise.'

_I wanna see your peacock, ah, ah,_

_Your peacock, ah!_

The Warblers were visibly shocked when Kurt smiled.

_It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M._

_Just put your paws up,_

_Because you were born this way baby._

Blaine's eyes narrowed.

_You change your mind, like a girl changes clothes!_

Kurt retaliated with singing the chorus of Alejandro at Blaine. The rest of the glee club watched the Lady Gaga VS Katy Perry war in shock until Kurt sang-

_Je veux ton amour__  
><em>_Et je veux ta revanche__  
><em>_J'veux ton amour__  
><em>_I don't wanna be friends__!_

Blaine's eyes widened. Kurt smiled and strutted off the stage.

* * *

><p>'Okay- you win.' Blaine said quickly, stopping Wes and Rachel's major glare-off.<p>

'Why?' Rachel demanded. 'You decided to add in an extra dozen songs! Kurt was smart enough to retaliate.'

'Oh, he retaliated.' Wes smirked.

'What?' Rachel asked, flustered.

'Well, Rachel Berry-' Wes began.

'Blaine has a thing-' David interrupted.

'For Kurt singing-' Jeff continued.

'In French.' Nick finished.

'I'm pretty sure Coach Sylvester's still got that video of Kurt singing French for 14 minutes.' Brittany said, beaming radiantly at Wes and David.

'Are you an angel?' David whimpered.

'Where was this?' Wes asked.

'Cheerleading Nationals.' Santana said.

'Kurt?' Wes asked.

'Singing French?' David muttered.

'In a cheerleading outfit!' Jeff said, rubbing his hands together.

'For 14 minutes.' Nick murmured.

'Can we have it?' Thad asked.

'THAD! You were the only sane one!' Blaine whined. He unleashed the power of the puppy eyes on Wes, who wasn't looking at Blaine.

'At least you can watch this when you're touching-' Wes said evilly.

'Vous êtes un groupe de chant of singes homosexuels!' Kurt sang, hitting a high F on the word, 'homosexuels'. (**an: you are a singing group of homosexual monkeys!**)

'Did you see Blaine's reaction?' Santana whispered. Blaine reddened and Kurt shot daggers at her.

At that moment, a Warbler came racing into the music room.

'Got…a…phone…call…from…Dalton Academy…they've finished…sound proofing…' he panted.

'Aww! Santana, here's my email address. Email me that video.' David said, hastily writing his email address on a piece of paper.

'They didn't even get their Klaine on!' Wes complained.

'Do you want us to get out Klaine on?' Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm sure we'll be more than happy too in our house, but in front of you? Isn't that bordering on pornographic? Santana, I forbid you from saying it.'

'That just ruins the fun.' Santana said, crossing her arms.

'I really want to date a dolphin now.' Brittany said.

'What?' The Warblers cried.

'She means a gay person.' Blaine explained.

'How?' Jeff asked.

'Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?' New Directions and Blaine chanted.

'You never told me you could read minds!' Brittany squealed happily.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: MY LONGEST CHAPTER EVER!<strong>

**WOOOHOOOO!**


	22. Chapter 22: Break Up, Videos DEUX

**Okay, so I've abseiled, done the giant swing, played the Generation Game, Ladder Logic, felt sick, zipwired, ETC.**

**And I watched Funeral again.**

**And, OHMYWIZARDGOD, I just checked the review amount…101!**

**You guys! I love you! In a platonic way- you know, like Kurt and Finn. Oh yeah, Kurt fancied Finn. Okay, I love you guys like Mercedes and Kurt! Because Kurt is **_**gay **_**and has **_**Blaine.**_

**Awesome.**

**Baby It's Cold Outside and Animal? **

**BAM! Ovaries gone and I'm pregnant. (Not literally…sadly…)**

**This one was kinda prompted by Klaine loving anon, MusicalEscape and TeamBartie. This is what happens after waking up at 6:10 am and thinking of 'Friday'. You know, 7 am, waking up in the morning, gotta get…yeah, maybe not. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned glee, the script would decline in originality.**

* * *

><p>'Hey, prep school boys!' a voice shouted to Wes and David.<p>

'Open the gate or I will cut a bitch.' Another voice yelled.

'Is that your hobby?' Wes and David recognised Brittany's voice.

'No, Brittany. It's something I do often.' The voice- Mercedes- answered.

'But, then you're an animal abuser.' Brittany said, obviously confused.

'Look, if you don't open the door, I will get my wrestling team to track your posh little asses with sticks stuck up them.' An unfamiliar girl said.

'Agreed. Except, I'll get the Cheerios.' Santana said.

David pushed Wes into the bush as he opened the door.

* * *

><p>'Who are you?' Wes asked the intimidating girl.<p>

'I'm Lauren.' Lauren said, smirking.

'I'm assuming you're on the wrestling team.' Wes stated.

'Just don't assume anything else.' Lauren said, her eyes narrowing. Wes nodded hastily, almost falling into Brittany.

'Watch it, other other Asian.' Santana hissed. Wes apologised and David laughed.

'WES! I KNOW YOU STOLE MY RED VINES! GIVE THEM BACK _NOW _OR I WILL-oh, hello girls.' Blaine said smoothly after bellowing at Wes. 'If you'll excuse me.'

'Hell to the no!' Mercedes said, pushing Blaine back slightly. 'Don't you dare pull any dapper charms on me and my bitches.'

'Truth.' Santana interjected.

'Agreed.' Lauren said smugly.

'Cookies are just soft biscuits.' Brittany said innocently.

'Now,' Mercedes said angrily, allowing her 'bitch' tone to take over. 'I want you to explain everything _now._'

* * *

><p><strong>The previous day…<strong>

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into school wearing a plain white t-shirt, skinny jeans, converses and Chanel sunglasses.<p>

'I think your aura is in a bad mood.' Brittany said, her eyes widening in terror.

Mercedes took one look at Kurt and instantly understood- he was in a bad mood.

'Kurt, you'd better explain to me what the hell happened.' Mercedes said. Kurt glared at the lockers through his Ray-Bans. Mercedes's eyes widened.

'Hey fairy, how-' Azimio began.

'If I were you, Baldie, I'd shut your mouth just in case my _fist _just happens to land inside it. I'm not in the mood for your daily dose of the words 'gay, fairy, faggot' and 'lady' and seriously, do you have any other words in your vocabulary?' Kurt interrupted.

'Excuse me?' Azimio said.

There was a crowd gathering.

'HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I JUST SHOUTED RACIST SLURS AT YOU? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT? IF YOU'RE SO PERSISTENT ON MAKING PEOPLE FEEL BAD, WHY DON'T YOU GO STEAL BLAINE'S RED-VINES OR SOMETHING? NO, WAIT! YOU'RE SO STUPID; YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW WHAT RED-VINES ARE!' Kurt screamed. Azimio backed away slowly.

'Is Blaine your fellow fairy?' Azimio asked, trying to regain some dignity.

'Il a été ignorant m'a en ce moment. Je ne sais pas ce que l'enfer qui se passe et la dernière fois que je l'ai vu, il ne semble pas s'intéresser à moi. Je suis un bébé pingouin. Il ne veut pas à jour un bébé pingouin. Oh mon dieu. Oh mon fromage grille!' Kurt screamed shrilly, making even Rachel Berry wince. (**AN: Translation coming up! **_He has been ignoring me right now. I do not know what the hell is going on and the last time I saw him, he did not seem interested in me. I am a baby penguin. He does not want to date a baby penguin. Oh my god. Oh my grilled cheesus._)

'What's going on?' Santana said, appearing out of no-where. 'Is he bullying you?'

'No. We just need to buy him a dictionary so he can look up words like _racist _and _Hufflepuff_ because he needs it.' Kurt spat, grabbing Santana's arm and dragging her to the female's toilet.

Mercedes's eyes narrowed. She was going to kill Blaine Warbler Anderson and he was going to _pay. _

Right after she figured out what Kurt said, of course.

* * *

><p>'Ten to one says that Kurt has a hickey.' Puck stage whispered to the whole of glee club. Mercedes was furiously texting, Santana was calling someone and Rachel was warming up her voice for her latest solo from Wicked. Jesse St. James was just drawing random things. Most of the glee guys didn't see Kurt's outburst. Mike was the only one.<p>

'Puck, I wouldn't say that.' Mike warned Puck. 'You didn't see Kurt today.'

'Don't worry about it.' Puck said nonchalantly, waving a hand casually. 'Someone probably insulted his scarf or something.'

'I bet that Kurt hasn't got a hickey.' Artie said. 'I've got too much money.'

'I bet for.' Finn said. Everyone turned to look at Finn weirdly, apart from Brittany who was rummaging in the old glee club videos and occasionally talking to her imaginary friend. 'Hey, you haven't seen them at home! I've heard them make out!' Finn protested.

'I'm with Artie.' Sam said. They all agreed on ten dollars.

Mercedes looked her phone screen and then made a sound of choking and protest.

'Here he comes.' Sam whispered.

Kurt stomped into the choir room.

'Damn.' Puck said angrily, fishing out his wallet and throwing some dollar bills to Artie, who caught them deftly.

'You owe me,' Finn muttered to Kurt.

'Pardon?' Kurt said, his words laced with venom.

'Nothing!' Finn said hysterically.

'No, you said something. Please, do tell.' Kurt said.

'I just said that you…owed me.' Finn mumbled.

'I owe you? Uh-huh.' Kurt said, nodding. He went over to whisper in Finn's ear, who's face blanched immediately.

'How the hell did you know about that?' Finn asked.

'I have my stupid, crappy ways.' Kurt said, his eyes turning an angry green. 'As Blaine obviously thinks so.'

'DO I NEED TO CUT A BITCH?' Mercedes exploded.

'OH, HE DID NOT!' Santana screamed.

'Should I give him a really bad blow-job?' Brittany questioned.

* * *

><p><strong>BACK TO THE PRESENT...<strong>

* * *

><p>'…and now, he's been watching 'When Harry met Sally' on repeat. Is that some kind of weird fetish for gays?' Santana finished. Blaine's eyes were wide.<p>

'Oh my wizard god.' David muttered.

'He found out.' Wes finished ominously.

'Found out about the who, what, where, why and HOW?' Lauren said angrily.

'Just the fact that Kurt may or may not have overheard Blaine calling Kurt 'as sexy as-' Wes started.

'SHUT THE FU-HELL UP!' Blaine shouted.

'Aww, prep boy can't swear.' Santana teased, her eyes flashing dangerously.

'Oh, he's too dapper to ever swear.' David explained, ignoring Blaine who was dangerously to jumping on the furniture and belting out a song by Pink.

'Right. Kurt's mad-'

'Actually, he thinks you are breaking up with him.' Lauren corrected.

'I think Kurt is a really hot dolphin when he's mad.' Brittany said. 'And I brought some videos.'

'Whoa, rewind.' Santana said suddenly. 'What did you call Kurt?'

'As sexy as a kitten.' Blaine admitted.

'A sex kitten?' Brittany asked.

'No…a newborn, fuzzy kitten,' Blaine said.

Brittany, Santana, Mercedes and Lauren all froze in shock.

'What's wrong? HOT GIRL ALERT!' Wes shouted. A lot of boys rushed into the room and began ogling the girls subtly.

'You.' Santana said.

'Don't think.' Lauren said in disbelief.

'That Kurtsie.' Brittany muttered.

'Is sexy?' Mercedes shrieked.

'BRITTANY, GIVE ME THOSE FU-'

'No swearing.' Wes interrupted.

'Give me the videos. I'm sure I can find Push It, Empire State of Mind, Born This Way, Rose's Turn and maybe Le Jazz Hot.'

'I only brought three of those.' Brittany said, wrinkling her nose.

'Which ones?' Lauren asked.

'Push It and Born This Way.'

'That's two videos, Britt.' Mercedes gently corrected. Brittany's face fell slightly, before she began talking to the couch's cushions.

'I was so turned on by him in Push It. Because, I could get with _that _kind of Kurt.' Lauren said, turning towards Blaine. 'You can and you compared him to a cat covered in blood and hair.'

* * *

><p><em>Ah, push it!<em>

_Push it good!_

Blaine watched as Kurt pointed to the girls…somehow making it look sexy. He slid down in his seat as he watched Kurt slowly strip himself of his 'baby penguin' image.

And, oh my god, he did not just do that. Did Kurt Hummel just hump his hands which were hovering over his-?

Blaine mentally scolded himself for thinking undapper thoughts.

He cursed at Finn, since he was blocking Kurt- oh. Oh wow. Kurt was performing an innuendo laced song with an innuendo laced dance routine.

Never had Blaine wanted to be Mercedes more in his life as he watched Kurt grind/hump Mercedes from side to side.

And Blaine just noticed the butt-slap. He was seeing green.

OHMYWIZARDGOD, Blaine mentally said. WHY THE HELL IS KURT DOING…THAT WITH A…THING? (**AN: I am talking about the infamous Kurt move in Push It…aaahhhhh…you know what I'm talking about.**)

'Do you think he's got a boner yet?' Brittany asked quietly. Santana nodded, before whispering something about being born.

Kurt was now crawling on the floor towards Mercedes. Blaine found himself going into dangerous territory with his filthy mind.

The song finished way too early for Blaine.

* * *

><p>'Born This Way.' Lauren announced. Wes and David began laughing when Kurt stood there alone on the stage.<p>

Then he opened his mouth.

_It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M__  
><em>_Just put your paws up__  
><em>_'Cause you were born this way, baby__._

Blaine watched the video in shock, his only coherent thought being 'HIPS…HAIR…SEXY…PUSH IT…HIPS…HAIR…'

When the song ended, Blaine needed to take a cold shower. Desperately.

* * *

><p>The girls left, all with smug looks on their faces. Wes, David and all the other boys were waiting for Blaine to get out of the shower so they could tease him. It had been over twenty minutes.<p>

Suddenly, the girls ran back to Dalton.

Brittany produced a video from underneath her jacket and gave it to David.

'It's the fifteen minute long Celine Dion medley in French.' Brittany explained.

Wes fist-pumped, almost letting go of his gavel and hitting Brittany in the face, causing Santana to growl protectively, making Lauren glare at Wes, which made David angry.

* * *

><p>Kurt dressed himself immaculately in his favourite skinny jeans, a simple blue shirt and messed his hair up. (<strong>AN: Think, Empire State of Mind or Born This Way.<strong>)

The door rang. Finn was out with Puck and Mike, Burt and Carole went out for a romantic weekend away, courtesy of Kurt and he was going shopping with Mercedes…hopefully.

**Hey, MGT. Can't go shopping…betcha something good's gonna happen this way ;D **

**-M**

Kurt groaned as he read that text. He didn't even know what MGT meant! As for the cryptic message at the end…

The doorbell rung. Kurt swore and ran down the stairs. Opening the door, he took in the sight of a dishevelled Blaine.

'What do you want?' Kurt said, crossing his arms.

Blaine leapt on Kurt, kissing him with such a passion that Kurt moaned. They engaged in a huge make-out session, involving lots of moaning, groaning, whispered lyrics of Push It and messed up hair.

'Now,' Kurt panted as they broke apart. 'Why were you ignoring me?'

'It was my Harry Potter and Disney marathon.' Blaine admitted quietly. 'You would think I'm a dork.'

'I love Aladdin.' Kurt said. 'And I hate Bambi.'

'Oh Bambi,' Blaine imitated. 'I cried so hard when the hunters shot your mommy.'

'Shut up, Blaine Warbler.'

* * *

><p>Kurt walked into the choir room with a scarf around his neck.<p>

'KURT GOT SOME!' Puck laughed loudly. Kurt's eyes narrowed as Puck strode up to Kurt and snatched his scarf away.

'I hate Blaine so much right now.' Kurt muttered as the New Direction members made plenty of innuendo based jokes.

All this over a hickey.

Honestly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, it's 00:27 in the morning. I have a possible cold and am currently listening to 'Some People'. <strong>

**This is the product.**

**Oh god, I'm going to sleep and maybe drink a thousand gallons of water.**

**Sorry it's been**_** ages **_**since I've updated but…I.O.W!**

**Oh what a dream…a wonderful dream papa…and all that I need is 88 bucks…**

**GOODBYE TO BLUEBERRY PIE!**


	23. Chapter 23: Camping

**So, I've got a challenge on my hands…mwahahaha!**

**From MusicalEscape (A.M.A.Z.I.N.G NAME!)- '**Durnit, I wanted to see his reaction to 4 Minutes. Or Single Ladies. Or did that already happen? I don't remember, I get al my stories mixed up.

Try to use this fav David quote of mine: (I've removed it as a surprise for you guys…)

**And my first thought for that was…this…**

**MusicalEscape: Okay, he blackmailed Kurt with Single Ladies and Give up the Funk. So, he's seen Single Ladies. And he reacted the same way Burt/any Chris Colfer fangirl reacted…then blackmailed him. Such a lovely boyfriend.**

**Oh, and I realised I need to stick the Warblers in this more. As solitary characters, not instruments Blaine uses to serenade people.**

http : / www. youtube.com /watch?v=Ui4468CsAU0

(**It's utterly adorable!)**

http : / www. youtube. com / watch? v= UStbOHguQ4Q

**(Our little baby named Chris is so cute…)**

**Remove the spaces though.**

'**No, they have the best chemistry department.'**

**Disclaimer: Unless my dad's side of the family all tragically died (all of them? Le gasp! I'm pretty sure it's impossible since every time I got visit him, I meet like, 239 new members of my family) and I was the sole inheritor and bought glee from a drunk Ryan Murphy, I don't own it. Happy?  
><strong>**Sob…**

* * *

><p>It was a typical Warbler meeting- Blaine was depressed because Kurt wasn't there, Wes was banging his gavel and trying to get David, who had lost his kazoo, to stop disrupting the meeting and Flint was beat boxing in the corner. Nick and Jeff were talking quietly.<p>

'CAMPING TRIP!' Jeff suddenly shouted.

'What?' Wes asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Look at us.' Jeff said, gesturing wildly. 'We're like a pack of wild hyenas.'

'You got that right,' Flint muttered.

'I actually have to agree.' Thad said sullenly. 'We're a pack of small, furniture jumping hyenas and that's just one of us.'

'Hey!' Blaine pouted, using his kicked puppy eyes.

'Don't you dare Junior Member Blaine Ander- oh damn it.' Thad said unhappily.

'As I was saying,' Jeff continued, pointedly glaring at Flint and Thad, 'we are a pack of hyenas-'

'Furniture jumping hyenas.' Thad interrupted.

'I GET IT!' Blaine yelled.

'WILL YOU SHUT UP?' Jeff bellowed. The Warblers fell silent immediately. 'Anyway, we need to reconnect and stay manly. So, we go camping.'

'Can Kurt come?' Blaine instantly asked.

'It hasn't even been approved by the council!' Jeff cried.

'Or the school board.' Wes pointed out.

'Where is my kazoo?' David murmured.

* * *

><p>It turns out that the school board will do anything when you get Blaine to ask on behalf of the Warblers.<p>

He may have used the puppy eyes a little bit.

Naturally, his first question was whether he could bring his 'friend'.

'Your boyfriend?' Mr Colfer asked.

'Yes,' Blaine said.

'The countertenor?' Mr Murphy questioned further. Blaine nodded.

'Sure,' Mr Criss said.

* * *

><p>In the car, Blaine shuddered as he thought of Kurt packing.<p>

Ever since the whole 'videos' then 'make-out time' thing, they had been closer…literally.

Not that they've lost their virginities yet. Of course not.

Naturally, Nick, Jeff, Thad, Luke, Nicholas and Trent decided to make lots of innuendo based jokes about him and Kurt.

'Do you think something will go down in the tent?' Trent asked innocently.

'Possibly,' Nick winked at Blaine. 'I'm sure Blaine wants something to happen.'

'I am seriously doubting your sexuality right now.' Blaine said. 'After all, you actually watched Brokeback Mountain?'

'It was a commercial success! I didn't know what it was about!'

Blaine rolled his eyes and opened the door of the car. Apparently, it took Kurt quite a long time to persuade Burt to allow him to go on this camping trip, until he remembered to mention that he was going with the rest of the Warblers.

Stepping outside, he looked around for the mass amounts of suitcases. Instead, there was a back-pack.

'What?' Blaine said under his breath.

'_Hey, uh, come on, Kurt Hummel!_

_Come on girl, I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll, _

_Well, don't waste time, give me a sign,_

_Tell me how you wanna roll!' _Kurt sang loudly, picking up the bag. Blaine watched Kurt in shock- Kurt singing Madonna?

* * *

><p>Kurt began dancing in the driveway, copying the Cheerio's routine. He sang on autopilot, his back turned to the road.<p>

'Madonna?' Blaine asked.

Kurt turned around, his hands flying to his backpack. He glared at Blaine, who was smirking.

'Be glad I wasn't in my Cheerio costume. My sai swords are in this bag.' Kurt said simply, smiling at Blaine, who paled. 'BYE FINN AND DAD! CAROLE, MAKE SURE DAD DOESN'T HAVE BROWN SAUCE ON EVERYTHING!' Kurt shouted, waving at the figures in the doorway.

He stepped into the car, waving frantically. He turned around to the faces of the Warblers. Flint opened his mouth.

'If you're going to say anything about something going down in the tent, me singing Madonna or beat boxing, I will happily mutilate you with a stick or something.' Kurt threatened casually.

'Why not with your sais? You said they were in your bag.' Blaine pointed out.

'His blood is not worthy to end up on my precious sai swords.' Kurt said pompously.

'Of course not.' Wes laughed. 'Wait, what?'

'Some things are best kept a secret.' Kurt groaned.

* * *

><p>After an exhausting game of hide and seek, they settled down by a campfire Kurt made.<p>

'We should sing cheesy songs and stuff.' Luke suggested. 'Or maybe tell scary stories.'

'Oh!' David said, putting his hand up in the air. 'I've got a story for Kurt!'

'Do tell.' Kurt said dryly, raising an eyebrow.

David leant over and whispered in Kurt's ear. Kurt's eyes widened, before he collapsed in giggles.

'What?' Jeff asked.

'Legend has it that Blaine's voice alone can impregnate people. It almost did when we performed 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy' in front of the school for an impromptu performance.' David said with a straight face.

All of the Warblers began laughing uncontrollably apart from Blaine.

'It's an all-boys school!' Blaine protested.

'Exactly!' David laughed.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later of stories of Blaine singing swoon-worthy songs, it quickly turned into Truth or Dare.<p>

'NICK! YOUR TURN!' Jeff shouted.

'Jeez. Okay, erm, Kurt!' Nick said, looking at Kurt.

'Yes?'

'What's the worst thing you've ever done in a bad mood?' Nick asked.

'Oh.' Kurt said, obviously thinking. 'I've edited a song from Gypsy when my dad was spending more time with Finn than me.'

'Which one?' Blaine asked.

'Rose's Turn.' Kurt admitted, lowering his gaze. Blaine smiled.

'Care to give us a rendition?' Wes asked.

Everyone looked at Wes in shock.

'You've got a lovely voice, Kurt!'

'I was really angry.' Kurt said.

'Yes…but sing for us! That song!' Wes begged.

'No way. Who wants to go next?' Kurt asked, deflecting.

'ME!' Wes screamed. 'Blaine, truth or dare?'

'Dare.'

'I dare you to ask Kurt to do his rendition of 'Rose's Turn' with puppy-dog eyes.'

'What? Puppy dog eyes? I have puppy dog eyes?' Blaine looked shocked. Kurt rolled his eyes as he stood up.

_All that work and what did it get me?_

_Why did I do it?_

Kurt closed his eyes, allowing the anger and pain of anything take over him.

_Scrapbooks full of me in the background.__  
><em>_Give 'em love and what does it get ya?__  
><em>_What does it get ya?__  
><em>_One quick look as each of 'em leaves you.__  
><em>_All your life and what does it get ya?__  
><em>_Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,__  
><em>_They take bows and you're battin' zero.__  
><em>

The Warblers watched Kurt in shock as he allowed himself to be transported back to his dark days._  
><em>

_I had a dream__,__  
><em>_I dreamed it for you, Dad.__  
><em>_It wasn't for me, Dad.__  
><em>_And if it wasn't for me__  
><em>_Then where would you be,__  
><em>_Miss Rachel Berry?__  
><em>

'Who's Rachel Berry?' Wes whispered.

'Short brunette soloist.' Blaine explained._  
><em>

_Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?__  
><em>_Don't I get a dream for myself?_

_Starting now it's gonna be my turn.__  
><em>_Gangway, world, get off of my runway!__  
><em>_Starting now I bat a thousand!__  
><em>_This time, boys, I'm taking the bows and__  
><em>All of the excited boys held their breath._  
><em>_Everything's coming up Kurt!__  
><em>_Everything's coming up Hummel!__  
><em>_Everything's coming up Kurt!__  
><em>_This time for me!__  
><em>_Hahahahahahaha!__  
><em>

Most of the Warblers laughed along, mostly out of worry._  
><em>

_For me! For me! For me! For me! For me! For me! Ya!_

Kurt sat down and smiled.

'Any more requests?'

'Do 'Four Minutes' please.' Blaine teased.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, smirking.

'As you wish.'

'I need to book a dentist appointment- they are giving me _cavities _with their sweetness!' Wes complained.

'Shut up.' David chided Wes. 'You just jealous that you don't have their relationship.'

'Why would I want their relationship?'

'Because we are _awesome_, Wesley Montgomery.' Kurt smirked.

'That's your surname!' Blaine said happily. 'I mean, of course I knew that.'

* * *

><p>Blaine sat by the camp-fire with his guitar in his hand. He strummed gently.<p>

'Which one are you playing?' Flint questioned.

'Maybe 'Don't You'.' Blaine answered. 'Or 'The Muse'.'

'I like 'Don't You'.' Trent smiled.

'Okay then. This one's for Trent and Kurt.'

'Why me?' Kurt questioned.

'You'll see.' Trent said cryptically.

_Say, wasn't that a funny day?__  
><em>_Gee, you had a funny way—a way about you.__  
><em>_A kind of glow of something new.__  
><em>_Sure—I'll admit that I'm the same.__  
><em>_Another sucker for a game kids like to play,__  
><em>_And the rules they like to use._

Blaine looked at Kurt and sang at him.

_Don't you want the way I feel?  
>Don't you want the way I feel?<br>Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_The sun: telling me the night is done.  
>Well I refuse to let it stop our fun.<br>Close your eyes—we'll make it dark again  
>And kiss; there's a thought, so how 'bout this?<br>Let's pretend that both our lips are made of candy.  
>After all, we need sweets every now and then.<em>

_Don't you want the way I feel?  
>Don't you want the way I feel?<br>Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Here we are: two strangers in a very different place.  
>Who knows what could happen to us next?<br>Here we are with nothing but this little spark.  
>It's too cold outside to lay this fire to rest.<em>

_Go? How so very apropos:  
>A goodbye just as soon as I said 'Hello."<br>Well alright, I'll see you later.  
>It's true: it's just a fantasy for two.<br>But what's the difference if it all could have been true?  
>I guess this is better.<em>

_But don't you want the way I feel?  
>Don't you want the way I feel?<br>Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Oh, don't you want the way I feel?  
>Don't you want the way I feel?<br>Don't you want the way I feel for you?_

_Don't you want the way that I feel for you?_

Everyone applauded Blaine.

'Did you just use the word 'apropos' in a song?' Kurt laughed. Blaine nodded.

'You are so my soul mate.' Kurt giggled.

'Pregnant!' David chimed in.

'Bam! Ovaries gone!' Wes said cheerily.

'Oh my god.' Blaine said.

'PREGNANT!' All the Warblers exclaimed.

'Like that's actually physically possible.' Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

'Possibly.' David said, thinking hard.

'No way, David.'

'Worth a shot, huh?'

* * *

><p>Blaine sang a few more songs; Teenage Dream, Firework, I Kissed a Girl ('you actually did, Blaine, and I possibly will never forgive you for liking it. Besides, that was taking your Katy Perry obsession way too far.' Kurt pointed out) and Lovesick. (<strong>AN: I really recommend that song, for some reason. It's by Emily Osment…yes, that girl from Hannah Montana.<strong>)

'Lovesick actually sounds pretty awesome when it's sung by Blaine.' Trent said.

'It's not in his key.' David said lazily.

'It so is.' Trent argued.

'Shall I give you an autograph?' Blaine asked dryly.

'YES! I mean, are you silly?'

Kurt couldn't help but snigger a bit. Blaine turned to him and-

'Damn your puppy dog eyes.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope I made it seem okay... something felt off when I was writing this chapter.<strong>


	24. Chapter 24: The things coffee leads to

**AN: **

**You guys**

**They**

**Can**

**But they**

**Oh my god they**

**Coffee**

**Oh my grilled cheesus they**

**OH MY GOD.**

**KLAINE GALORE! **

**Yes, I watched New York.**

**Rachel mentions serenading…then they get serenaded. Hahaha! **

**KLAINE GALORE! **

**Sorry…this is like me, on drugs, watching the Kliss.**

**By the way, why was Mike there with the serenading? I mean, he wasn't singing or dancing, just standing there looking proud in what appears to be Kurt's BTW jacket.**

**THEY SAID I LOVE YOU. OH MY QUIRREL'S A TERRIORIST GOD.**

**Here are all the amazing things about New York:**

**10. Breakfast at Tiffany's.**

**9. Samcedes.**

**8. Coach of Vocal A. 'I literally hate my kids. I would whip them if I could.' Will: 'I love my kids.'**

**7. 'I love New York'.**

**6. That duet and the original songs.**

**5. Quinn and Santana arguing because I love Kurt and Santana friendship. **

**4. That bald fat guy who allowed Kurtchel friendship to BLOSSOM. I love that guy now.**

**3. Kurt and Quinn's hair.**

**2. Puck hugging Mr Schue. Because I might have squealed a bit.**

**1. KLAINE SAYING I LOVE YOU. WHAT ELSE?**

**(Blaine looked SUPERMEGAAWESOMEFOXYHOT AND I THINK WE SAW HIM WITHOUT HIS UNIFORM ON! AGAIN… BIOTA.)**

**Disclaimer: OHMYWIZARDGOD THEY SAID I LOVE YOU. Wait, this is the disclaimer? Oh…yeah, I don't own glee. Now let me get back to my fangirling.**

* * *

><p>Kurt wasn't really listening to Blaine talk about the other nominees for the Six Flags. Nope.<p>

He was more interested in the fact that Blaine loved him.

'Anyway, this guy, his name's Logan. I think he's really my only competition and he is such a butt-trumpet.' (**Dalton reference!)**

'Now is not the time to quote AVPM, Blaine.' Kurt said slyly. 'Now is the time to discuss Samcedes.'

Blaine nearly choked on the sip of coffee he had taken.

'Samcedes?'

'Shhh.' Kurt said. 'It's pretty obvious. After all, did you see Sam and Mercedes's reaction to Pip Pip Hooray?'

'Sam said he didn't who Pippa Middleton was and Mercedes laughed and hit his- you are a genius.'

'I know. You are too.'

'Thanks.'

There was an awkward silence in which Blaine observed Kurt over his coffee cup and Kurt watched Sam and Mercedes who were in the parking lot. Were they holding hands?

Blaine got a text.

**Cowabunga ;D**

**-W&D**

Blaine groaned. Kurt raised an eyebrow and Blaine quickly explained. Kurt began hitting his head against the table, prompting many stares from the other tables.

'Did somebody say Wesley Montgomery?' Wes smirked as he sat down.

'No, we said, 'why does the gavel whisperer follow me?'.' Kurt retorted, still banging his head on the table.

David and Wes looked at Blaine, then at Kurt, then back to Blaine.

'YOU TOLD HIM!' David exploded.

'Thank god.' Wes said.

'Huh?' Kurt said, lifting his head from the table.

'He's been going on and on about you.' Wes smirked.

'Your eyes…' David trailed off teasingly.

'What about them?' Kurt asked.

'They're glasz!' Wes shouted.

'They're green when you're angry or bitchy or…well, diva-ish.' David supplied.

'They're a startling blue when you're very happy or in an extremely good mood.' Wes carried on.

'They're grey when you are depressed, shocked…'

'And they're a mix when you say something witty, or when you're singing!' the duo finished together in a monotone.

'Shut up.' Blaine groaned.

'And don't get me started on his hair!' Wes quoted.

'He dresses like an angel!' David sighed.

'He is an angel- well; I thought he was when he first spoke to me.' Wes murmured. Kurt raised both of his eyebrows.

'I love the fact that I can't see his teeth when he sings.' David smiled.

'Oh my god.' Blaine said. Kurt's eyes narrowed.

'His voice…oh my god, his voice.' Wes smirked.

'If you guys don't shut up, I'll make you lose your voice.' Blaine threatened.

'How?' Wes asked.

'By making you scream like a little girl.' Blaine answered. 'Is there a reason you're here to humiliate me?'

'Oh yeah.' Wes nodded, turning to Kurt. 'Kurt, we're going shopping.'

* * *

><p>Wes was carrying at least twelve bags of shirts, pants and accessories. David was carrying three.<p>

'No! Orange does not look good on anyone!' Kurt exclaimed. 'Well…' he thought hard. 'Nope, not on anyone.'

'Not even Blaine?'

'Why do you think I thought about it? White! David, white would look so good! It contrasts with your skin- sorry if that sounded racist- and brings out the colour in your… teeth.'

Wes sniggered and David blushed a little bit. Kurt rolled his eyes, a little bit red himself, and picked out a simple, white, cotton button-up shirt and some artfully stone-washed jeans. He tossed the outfit to David, adding a straw hat and belt.

'Hummel, chill.' David laughed.

'Makeovers are like crack to me. Wes…oh god, Wes.' Kurt snapped. 'There is no colour that will suit you.'

'Thanks.' Wes said.

'Wait! Red, pale blue, yellow, black…' Kurt thought for a minute, before nodding. 'I allow you to wear only those colours.'

'Sure.' Wes nodded. 'What were they again?'

* * *

><p><strong>My god, this is short. I apologise. I was just so desperate to give you a chapter. This happened. Oh god. Kill me. It's terrible. <strong>

**Seriously. **

**My brain must be frazzled from all the Klaine.**


	25. Chapter 25: Texting

**AN: Bleugh. **

**In Katy Perry's new video, Last Friday Night T.G.I.F, there are two glee stars: Darren Criss and Kevin McHale. Oh my god…Rebecca Black's in it too!**

**Sorry, absurdly short AN. Who cares? More story!**

**Disclaimer: I.D.O.N.O.T.O.W.N.G.L.E.E. Get it? Or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter, and 'Dalton Academy' by Crazy4Klaine for that matter.**

**If you haven't read them, f*** this fic! Go read theirs! Its tons better!**

**Still here?**

**You are insane.**

**(Blaine is bold, italics is Kurt)**

* * *

><p><strong>Did you know that the proper way to say 'I love you' in Italian is <strong>**Ti amo****così****tanto****il mio****cuore****sarebbe scoppiato****?**

**B x**

_Liar. It means 'I love you so much my heart would burst'. I Google Translated it. _

_Anyway, I never knew you could speak Italian…_

_K xx_

**I've been speaking it because I'm taking it at Dalton and I go to Italy pretty much every year. **

**Missing you…the other nominees at Six Flags are **_**terrible. **_**So not as good as you ;)**

**B**

_At least you're not singing 'Baby it's Cold Outside' with them._

_After all, it is our back-up theme tune._

_K xx _

**What's our theme tune? Something Katy Perry I hope. **

**Oh. I get it. It's Teenage Dream. **

**Ha ha.**

**Can you help me? The twins have dared me to ask you what this means. '****Blanche-Neige****vous aime aussi****!**

**After all, it is French. Isn't that the language of love?**

**B xxx**

_I am going to kill the twins._

_It means, 'Snow White loves you too!' _

_Why do you think I chose French? After all, you went with Italian. It suits you though. You seem like a pasta guy. That goodness my culinary delights are much more refined._

_Of course it's Teenage Dream. What were you expecting, Peacock? _

_K xxxx_

**Doesn't France have deep-fried frog's legs?**

**We seem to be having a 'xxx' war. Not that I don't mind. Just warning you. ;D**

**To be perfectly honest with you, I was expecting you to have crept into my room and found my notebook full of songs I've written about life and us. **

**B xxxxxxx**

**Oh crap.**

_Don't You? The Muse? Jealousy? Human? Stutter? (What was the inspiration for THAT song name?)_

_You have a GIFT, Blaine. _

_And you want to be a lawyer when you're older. Seriously, just become a singer/songwriter._

_K _

**Fine. You win the kiss war. I lost count after 12. **

**Thank you on the gift thing. **

**By the way, the twins seem intent on steaasszdxtycfugvbiyh**

**Hello Alice!**

_I DON'T CARE WHICH ONE OF YOU STOLE BLAINE'S PHONE! JUST GIVE THE DAMN THING BACK, OR I WILL SLOWLY DISEMBOWEL YOU, JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GIVE BACK THE PHONE. YOU'VE STOLEN AND YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY BREACHING PERSONAL SPACE! _

_I'm fine, by the way. Tell both Charlie's and Reed I say hi. Oh, yeah, tell Charlie II, my brister, that he does not suit orange. No-one suits orange. Not even Blaine._

_Now give back his phone or I will go crazy like I did on Tabitha. _

_Kurt freakin Elizabeth Hummel._

**Wow. That was amazing.**

**I thought your middle name was Darren. Oh yeah, the Elizabeth before it.**

**Never mind.**

**What's a brister?**

**B xxx**

_Brother from another mother. We're gay, so we're sisters, but still manly. So, brister is born._

_Personally, it sounds like a toasted sandwich with bacon, eggs and lettuce. _

_K xxx_

**I would totally eat a brister. ;)**

**B**

_You would eat a gay brother from another mother? Or me? ;)_

_K _

**The most obvious choice being you. I'd eat you any day. **

**B**

_That sounded like innuendo._

_K_

**No kisses? Aww…**

**Oops, almost got caught texting to you by Mr B. **

**B… who's in so much trouble…hopefully not…**

_You, and the Warblers, are as bad-ass as a bunch of premature kittens. I'm surprised you haven't fainted on the spot with all the rule-breaking you are doing._

_K xxx (only because you asked nicely.)_

**The Warblers are bad-ass! **

**Didn't you hear David at the campfire? You know, with my voice making boys pregnant…**

**That might explain your glow…**

**B**

_Blaine, so many things wrong with that._

_One, biologically impossible. Two, it's my night-time moisturizing regime. _

_Since when were the Warblers 'bad-ass'?_

_K x_

**The Warblers were bad-ass when…oh. Where's Wes the walking Dalton dictionary when you need him?**

**Oh yeah, ****the Spirit of St. Louis overshot the tarmac and ploughed through seven Warblers during an impromptu rendition of "Welcome to Ohio, Lucky Lindy****.****''**

** Thanks Wes.**

**B xxx**

_Uh-huh. _

_K_

**Hey, the ND's aren't badass!**

**B xx**

_Blaine, we've caused two sex-riots, Brittany and Santana have vomited on stage in front of the whole school, Artie, Brittany, Tina and myself have performed 'U Can't Touch This' in the library, I've ended up in Figgins' office for shouting at Mr Schue, our club name sounds like 'Nude Erections' and Puck has been sent to juvie for_ _stealing his mother's car and driving it through a convenience store window, then driving away with an ATM in tow._

_We are more bad ass than the Warblers, definitely._

_K xxx_

**I'd like to see videos…oh wait, I already have! Well, I've seen Push It. **

**Hot.**

**B xxxxx ;D**

To: Mercedes Jones,

Santana Lopez,

BrITTanY PiErCe

_All right, who was it?_

_Fess up or else no fashion advice for 123 days. _

_I mean it._

_Apart from you Britt. I mean, I can understand if it's from you._

_Kurt._

**Chillax, Kurtsie. We all showed him that video. Probably has done WONDERS for your bedroom life- wanky. **

**You don't mean what you said about fashion advice, do you?**

**Santana **

_Satan, Mercy, I am totally serious._

_K_

_Blaine, please erase the memory of 'Push It' or I will come over to Dalton and remove it myself. _

_K._

**Aww…a**

**Sdfghjkl;'#**

**Alice! What's this I hear about **

**Kurt, please ignore these mad people! They keep stealing my phone. I WAASDFGHJKL**

**Sorry, sorry! White Rabbit's acting mean. Perhaps he's late.**

**KURT, PLEASE SASDFGHJ**

**Alice, when can we visit you again?**

**Twins (and Wes and David, because they insisted!)**

_Okay, here's the deal. _

_You either give my boyfriend back his phone, or I will go to Dalton and get it back myself, or you can choose which eye you want to keep,_ _Pigé?__ (__**AN: Got it?) **_

**I think when you start speaking French in an angry way, it means something. Of course, it probably works the same way if I started speaking Italian angrily. Hang on…**

**B **

_I'm guessing you went to shout in Italian at them._

_K._

* * *

><p>Blaine smirked evilly as he walked into the choir room. He had talked into Mr Schuester before and planned this.<p>

Waving at the teacher, he turned to the New Directions.

'SPY!' Rachel shrieked, pointing a finger at Blaine.

'Blaine,' Kurt hissed, ignoring Rachel's outburst. 'What are you doing here?'

Mr Schuester smiled knowingly. Blaine picked up his guitar and violin.

'You play violin?' Rachel said in disbelief.

'Well,' Blaine began. 'I can play the violin, piano, cello, harmonica, mandolin and drums.'

The choir room was silent.

'Anyway, Kurt mentioned Italian. So…actually, I can't really use the violin. Never mind. Maybe later.'

Blaine pulled out his guitar and began to strum.

_La la lala la la la_

Blaine paused to wink at Kurt, who blushed furiously.

_Posso__fare__a meno dei milioni  
>tanto portano solo problemi<br>ma non posso fare a meno del vino  
>non amando troppo gli schemi<br>_Everyone was looking at Kurt, who was watching Blaine with wide eyes. Brittany muttered something about ovaries.

_Posso fare a meno di un motore  
>è troppo bello camminare<br>posso fare a meno di sapere  
>perché spesso preferisco immaginare<em>

_Ma che dire, che fare  
>quando io io non posso fare a meno di te<br>che sei l'infinito tra i miei desideri  
>la la<em>

Blaine stopped for a second, before resuming his strumming._  
>tu che sei il sogno più grande tra i sogni più veri<br>e questa canzone  
>che gira e rigira la dedico a te<br>il mio unico amore  
>il senso di ogni cosa che c'è<em>

_Posso fare a meno del silenzio  
>preferisco comunicare<br>posso fare a meno di un partito  
>tanto il pane me lo devo guadagnare<em>

_Ma che dire, che fare  
>quando io io non posso fare a meno di te<br>che sei l'infinito tra i miei desideri  
>la la<em>

'I'm so bad at this,' Blaine muttered._  
>tu che sei il sogno più grande tra i sogni più veri<br>e questa canzone  
>che gira e rigira la dedico a te<br>il mio unico amore  
>il senso di ogni cosa<em>

_Per te che sei l'infinito tra i miei desideri  
>la la<em>

Mr Schuester had a sudden idea- maybe foreign languages would help them win next year's Sectionals. After all, didn't Kurt sing a French song for the Cheerleading Nationals? _  
>tu che sei il sogno più grande tra i sogni più veri<br>e questa canzone  
>che gira e rigira la dedico a te<br>il mio unico amore  
>il senso di ogni cosa che c'è.<em>

'Yeah…so, erm bye. I'm probably interrupting your last glee club session. Sorry about that. I'm going to go now…' Blaine scratched his head awkwardly. Kurt stood up suddenly, jumped down and kissed Blaine furiously.

'Ewww!' Finn squealed. 'Kurt, seriously? I'm your brother!'

'Wanky.' Santana stated.

'I thought dolphins could only speak American.' Brittany said.

Blaine broke the kiss off.

'I would really consider continuing this, but we're making out in front of your glee club.'

'So what? We did this in front of the Warblers once.' Kurt pointed out.

* * *

><p><strong>I should sing in Italian more often.<strong>

**B xxxxx**

_I'd really appreciate it. Maybe we should only talk to each other through French, Italian and google translate._

_K_

**Il mio ****cantante…**

**Blaine**

_A Twilight quote?_

_Seriously, I know Taylor Lautner and RPatz are relatively good looking, but quoting it?_

_Almost as bad as the twins._

_K xxx_

**Oh god, I quoted Twilight. **

**Don't tell anyone…please…*inserts new-found puppy dog eyes***

**Anyway, it means my little singer. So you should like it.**

**B xxxx**

_Should, Anderson. Should._

_I do like it. Just a little bit._

_Okay, I like it a LOT. But, you do know that the weirdo freaky vampire says it because the moody, spoilt main character's blood 'sings' for the stalker- sorry, I mean vampire._

_Is my blood singing for you?_

_K_

**Your blood sings to me all the time.**

**B**

_Oh my god, Blaine. Did you read that text?_

_K xxx_

**Oh my god.**

_Courage, Blaine._

**Oh, haha. The courage thing.**

**I think I'm spending too much time with you.**

**Oh, Algebra's ended! Yes! Going to go collapse under amount of homework now. See ya.**

**B**

_Not if I see you first._

_K_

* * *

><p><strong>You didn't have to go to Dalton to help me with my homework. Just because you're not challenged over at McKinley does not give you the right to rub it in my face. Or Wes and David's, actually.<strong>

**But thanks for the help. Especially when you were humming Lady G songs under your breath. Really helped.**

** B**

_Blaine Anderson, are you doubting Gaga?_

_K_

**I just didn't think you liked the song you were humming.**

**B**

_Love Game? It's one of my favourites._

_K xxx_

**Erm, hate to break it to you but…**

'**I wanna take a ride on your disco stick'?**

'**I'm educated in sex, yes,'**

**I had to convince your dad to give you the talk! That's how bad it got!**

**B**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Okay, what did you say to my boy to make him go THAT red? <strong>_

_**I'm pretty sure in anger and embarrassment. **_

_** Mercedes, Santana, Brittany and the rest of ND.**_

_BLAINE ANDERSON._

_You are responsible for the most HUMILIATING 32.5 minutes of my life?_

_K_

**Courage?**

_DON'T YOU 'COURAGE' ME! IF I WANTED COURAGE, I COULD'VE LOOKED AT THE OTHER 113 TEXTS WHICH CONSISTED OF 'COURAGE' AND 'YOU'LL BE FINE, KURT'!_

_YOU TOLD MY DAD TO GIVE ME THE TALK?_

_Oh. My. Gaga._

_Blaine…_

_K_

**Well, just be glad we sang 'Animal'. **

**Wes **_**was**_** intent on singing something like 'Do Ya Think I'm Sexy'.**

**B ;)**

_At least it wasn't in Italian._

_K_

**If you want my body…**

**And you think I'm sexy…**

**Come on honey, tell me so… ;D**

**B**

_Is this your twisted idea of romance?_

_Because if it is, I need to give you lessons. Obviously._

_Rule Number One: Don't jump on furniture. I know you did._

_K xx_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So sorry I haven't updated in a crazy long time.<strong>

**ANYWAY, I saw someone playing Jenga and now I have 'Raise Your Glass' stuck in my head.**

**The things The Warblers do to me...**


	26. Chapter 26: Stealing and DateRape

**AN: There is always room for improvement.**

**God, I LOVE AVPM.**

**Okay, so, I am going CRAZY from Darren's supermegaawesomefoxyhotness.**

_"Oh my god_ _I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I could do that __normally__."_

**Okay, I may have copied something from 'Dolphins Are Just Gay Sharks' chapter 6, but it was such an amazing opportunity!**

**Also, my school is rewriting A Midsummer's Night's Dream, and I worked in a glee quote. It was AWESOME. Basically, it just kinda goes like this;**

_**(Bottom goes off, practising his roaring loudly.)**_

**FLUTE: Is he going to do this during every rehearsal?**

**QUINCE: (exasperated) Probably.**

**I did have to change it slightly though.**

**Disclaimer: The closest I would get to glee is by stalking Ryan Murphy and I live in a different country.**

* * *

><p>Wes was really dreading this.<p>

No one, absolutely no-one, did this. Not even Jeff, and he was known for breaking the rules constantly.

He crept into Blaine's dorm silently, wincing at the infamous creaking floorboard. Blaine was snoring in his bed, muttering something about peacocks and dolphins. Wes suppressed a snort.

Why was he doing this?

Oh yeah. To prove to the Warblers that he did not, in the words of Kurt Hummel, 'have a huge, pink bedazzled gavel stuck up his ass.'

Blaine turned over in his bed and Wes froze mid-step. When the sleeping soloist finally began snoring lightly again, Wes began to search Blaine's room.

'I hope it was a good cry instead of a bad cry because it was so bad, or something.' Blaine muttered. Wes's eyebrows shot up, automatically stepping back a bit, which resulted in him crashing into a bookshelf.

Thank god Blaine slept like the living dead.

* * *

><p>'I got them.' Wes announced. The entire dorm was silent in appreciation, before Jeff clapped.<p>

'You are now officially a bad-ass.' Jeff said proudly. 'I need to take a picture.'

'Shut up.' Wes smiled. 'I'm a bit worried when he finds out what we've done.'

'Are you joking? The worst he would do is refuse to sing for the next week.' David said reassuringly. Trent paled slightly.

'But he's our best singer.' The boy said sadly.

'Trent, Wes stole his four most prized possessions. I'm sure he's going to get a little revenge.' Thad snorted.

* * *

><p>Blaine stormed into the cafeteria angrily. Wes stopped chewing in shock.<p>

'I wasn't joking when I said my hair looked like a nest for rabid warblers.' Blaine said angrily. 'Where are they?'

'I can't tell you.' Wes said. Blaine visibly deflated.

'Seriously, Wes. Kurt didn't mean what he said; he's just had a bad week with Rachel.' Blaine said desperately.

Jeff and Thad sat down next to Blaine.

'Whoa,' Thad almost shouted when one of Blaine's curls ended up inside his mouth.

'Ewww,' Jeff commented.

'This is why I have gel.' Blaine moaned.

'I don't get why Kurt likes it.' Wes said, thinking hard.

'Just lock me in the janitors closet or something.' Blaine whispered.

'Haven't you spent enough time in closets?' Jeff deadpanned.

Blaine swiftly left after that comment.

* * *

><p>Kurt tapped his foot impatiently. Trent saw him standing outside Dalton Academy and ushered him inside instantly.<p>

'-of course, Blaine's in a bad mood because Wes, I mean, someone stole his prized possessions.' Trent began to speak again, before Kurt interrupted.

'Is that why he's refused to see me for the past few days? Because Wes probably stole his hair gel and Katy Perry CD?' Kurt asked. Trent nodded.

'Oh, that is it.' Kurt said angrily, storming off. Trent watched Kurt's retreating figure, before shaking it off.

* * *

><p>Trent opened the doors quietly to find a very odd sight.<p>

Wes bribing Blaine with Red Vines and Blaine wasn't responding.

The Warblers were desperately trying to coax Blaine to open his mouth and start singing. Blaine was sitting down, glaring at the Council, particularly Wes.

'Junior Member Blaine Anderson. If you don't sing for us now, we will refuse to give you solos for Sectionals and Regionals.'

Blaine simply gazed defiantly at Wes.

Wes's confident smile faltered for a bit.

'Seriously, you're not talking or singing because Wes stole your hair gel, Katy Perry CD, mobile phone and photograph? Because that's petty.' Jeff said angrily. No-one noticed the door slamming open.

'Hey,' Blaine said, standing up. 'How would you like it if I got Nick to go into your room and steal your three prized possessions and one necessary thing and then call you petty? Because I don't think-'

'Let me handle this.' A clear voice said. All of the Warblers flinched- they had only seen Kurt extremely mad once and that was when Blaine was kind-of dating Rachel.

Thad may have whimpered a little bit.

'So,' Kurt began, glaring at all of the Warblers, 'I've had to deal with a pissed off Santana, a hysterical Brittany, a defensive Mercedes…'

Blaine murmured his sympathies.

'And the grand finale is…I had to shout at Rachel Berry on her period. Let me tell you, it isn't a pretty sight to see Rachel and me trying to claw each others eyes out. Do you know _why _we were trying to claw each others eyes out? Because she's on her monthly cycle and I haven't heard from Blaine in a week.' Kurt announced.

Blaine's eyes widened and Nick almost fell off his chair.

'We had arranged to have a date tonight. He was half an hour late. Trent saw me, got me in here and accidently informed me that Wes had stolen Blaine's things.'

Wes flinched.

'Is this because I said that the Warblers were as bad-ass as a bunch of premature kittens?' Kurt questioned, raising an eyebrow. 'Because if so, there is no reason to go and steal things from Blaine's room.' Kurt's expression was terrifying. 'Now, I want someone to go to Wes's room, get the items and GIVE THEM TO BLAINE.' Kurt bellowed the last four words. Flint stood up and scampered away.

'Now I've got to go deal with Rachel, Brittany and Santana. Got that?' Kurt turned on his heel and marched off.

The Warblers were silent.

'What the hell just happened?' David asked.

'I'm pretty sure Kurt didn't have coffee. So, he's in a bad mood.' Blaine explained. 'It's like me in the mornings and Wes without his gavel.'

All the Warblers automatically understood the situation. Flint ran back in the room and threw the items at Blaine, before racing to the couch and sitting down.

'Whipped.' Nick couldn't resist saying.

'Been there, done that.' Wes muttered under his breath.

Apparently, not quietly enough, since all of the Warblers instantly began badgering Wes with questions.

* * *

><p>(<strong>AN: It's gonna get angsty. Just, a warning. Most of it is me during glee with the latest FinchelSt. Berry drama.)**

'Stop!' Brittany shrieked. Santana and Rachel were having a verbal war, which was resulting in a lot of wrestling.

'OH BERRY, I WILL CUT YOU!' Santana screamed.

Kurt slammed the door to his bedroom open and the fighting girls leapt apart. Brittany ran to Kurt, crying.

'They wouldn't stop.' Brittany said sadly.

'That is IT!' Kurt shouted. 'Brittany, feel free to leave at any time, because this is possibly the worst day of my life so far and I might shout at you.'

Brittany kissed Kurt on the cheek as she left.

'Okay. Rachel, I get your situation. You are on your period. There is NO REASON to take out your anger on Santana or, god forbid, Brittany. And I will not hesitate to rip out your throat if you somehow hurt Finn. Not because he's my brother, but because I am SICK of the drama! Seriously! What is wrong with you? You cheat on him, you sing songs with him, you're jealous all the time...I'm going to give you a tip. Get. Over. It. You're with him now- either be in the stupid relationship or not. Got that?' Kurt ranted. Rachel nodded demurely. Santana was smirking.

'Oi, Satan.' Kurt said, his bitch face on. Santana turned to look at Kurt pleadingly. Kurt snorted.

'Some people are GAY, Santana, so you can't sleep your way out of the situation. Sorry about that.' Kurt said, ignoring the flash of pain flit across Santana's face. 'What the hell is wrong with you? Do you actually _like _ruining people's happiness? Do you _like _destroying relationships that don't need destroying? The answer to both of those questions are probably true. And when it comes to Brittany? Same advice: Get. Over. It.' Kurt sat down, suddenly exhausted.

Santana raised her hand, as if to slap Kurt, but thought better of it when she saw weariness flash across Kurt's face.

'How dare you? You are such a hypocrite! 'Get over it'? How did you do that?' Rachel retorted, her voice rising.

'Shall I name all the times I've had to deal with stuff?' Kurt asked. 'It'll be a long list.'

Rachel nodded angrily.

'Fine. My mom dying. I had to deal with that. Going to McKinley, being so excited and having my heart broken when I was called a fag and slammed into a locker. Dealt with. Having my heart broken multiple times. Death threats. Verbal abuse. Shall I continue? Because I've just covered the main points.'

Rachel hung her head in shame. She apologised, before dragging Santana out of the room.

* * *

><p><strong>(F-word in this bit.)<strong>

In the aftermath of the shouting at Rachel Berry and Santana Lopez, Kurt drove straight to Dalton, spoke to the Dean quickly, apologised to Wes and headed straight to the kitchen. That was half an hour ago.

'Dammit.' Kurt said lazily as he closed his eyes, resting his hands on a kitchen counter.

'Janet.' David replied instantly.

'I wanna screw.' Blaine sang quietly. Kurt nearly choked on a cookie he had baked. David and Blaine had discovered with glee that Kurt was a stress-baker.

Within the last hour, they had tasted thirteen batches of flapjack heaven.

'What? I hang around Jeff and Nick a lot!' Blaine protested. They insisted on doing rude parodies on Broadway plays and stuff like that.

Kurt sighed as he fixed his hair.

'Kurt, are you okay?' David asked. Kurt nodded, before taking a huge gulp of scalding hot coffee.

'FUCK!' Kurt shouted.

'Happily.' Blaine smiled.

'Great. Now I have a mental image of you guys making gay babies.' David complained.

'Three things; One: Ewww. Two: Impossible. Three: Just because we are gay doesn't mean we will have gay babies. Look at Hiram and Leroy Berry.' Kurt retorted. 'Anyway, now that I have caffeine in my veins, I should really stop baking.' Kurt took off his apron.

'Or you could make coffee flapjacks.' Blaine suggested innocently.

David sighed. He left the kitchen as Blaine and Kurt began to sub-consciously flirt.

* * *

><p>'It's so cold outside.' Kurt frowned as it began to rain. Blaine had finished an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies and Kurt had left thousands of cookies, brownies and muffins in the oven for the next time someone wanted to eat.<p>

'So don't go.' Blaine suggested.

'I've got to go!' Kurt insisted, pulling himself from Blaine's grasp. 'Will you lend me a coat? I've forgotten mine.'

'But baby, its cold outside.'

'You seriously cannot be quoting a song about date-rape to me.'

'Listen to the fireplace roar.'

'Blaine, there doesn't appear to be a fireplace in this room.'

'Gosh, your lips look delicious.'

'I use a lot of chapstick,' Kurt stated, rolling his eyes.

'Baby, it's cold outside!'

'No, Blaine, it's simply raining.'

'I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice.'

Kurt laughed as Blaine took his hands. He leaned forward and gently grazed his lips against Kurt's softly.

'Ooh, you're lips are delicious.' Blaine growled.

'I swear, you are cheesier than a cheddar and mozzarella sandwich.' Kurt groaned.

'You love it.' Blaine smirked.

'Evidently, I do. Probably due to the fact that you've slipped a date-rape drug into my coffee.' Kurt deadpanned.

'Hey! I can be supermegaawesomefoxyhot!'

'But cheesy.'

'What's wrong with cheese?'

'It's predictable and really irritating to a lactose-intolerant person.'

* * *

><p><strong>I got annoyed with myself because it was only two and a bit pages long, so I forced myself to continue.<strong>

**Oh, I feel like the quality of my chapters is dwindling.**

** Sorry if that's true.**

**By the way; all the songs that the NDs/Warblers covers? Bam. Goodbye ovaries.**

** For some reason, I've been humming 'Push It' and 'Four Minutes' under my breath. Anyone care to tell me why?**


	27. Chapter 27: Sorry Chapter

**AN: OHMYGOD, I AM SOOOO SOORRRRYYYY.**

**SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!**

**I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVEN'T BEEN UPDATING!**

**SORRY!**

**If it helps, my excuse is that I've been cast as Helena in my school's production of A Midsummer's Night's Dream.**

**SORRY!**

**All the apologies probably won't make this happy- you're probably sulking and refusing to read this…**

***inserts Blaine's puppy dog eyes***

** forgive me?**

**Confession time…**

**Okay, I might like Brittana now. Quite a lot. Like my love for Bartie. Okay, I love them equally (please don't kill me TeamBartie!)**

**Oh, and I think I might ship Puckleberry a little bit. I have been persuaded by… the dark side! Well, they had cookies!**

**Disclaimer: Insert funny disclaimer here.**

* * *

><p><strong>(In honour of gay marriage legalized in NY- I recommend listening to I Love New York New York New York during this…because you will.)**

* * *

><p>'BLAAAAAAAAINE!' Kurt shrieked.<p>

'What?' Blaine mumbled.

'IT PASSED! IT PASSED! IT ACTUALLY PASSED!'

Blaine, Kurt, Rachel, Santana and Brittany were at Rachel's house, all avidly watching the TV.

'All right, who wants- oh dear god.' Hiram Berry said, almost dropping the tray of cookies and milk he was carrying.

'Hiram! The carpet is cream! Cream! You could have stained it! Now, what's wrong?' Leroy scolded his husband, before turning to Rachel.

'It passed. The bill passed.' Santana said.

'I hope it got more than an F, because it'll get kicked off the Cheerios if it gets an F.' Brittany stated happily, examining a piece of cookie on her nose.

Hiram and Leroy were not used to Brittany's random outbursts.

Blaine simply kept randomly saying, 'what'. Rachel seemed to be rendered speechless- a miracle.

'Wait, it's been passed?' Leroy asked Hiram, who simply nodded.

Blaine looked at his ecstatic boyfriend, before grabbing him and passionately kissing him.

Santana looked at the kissing boys. 'Wanky.'

Blaine raised the middle finger at Santana, continuing to blissfully kiss Kurt.

'PG, boys and no swearing please.' Hiram reminded them.

'I'm only allowed to watch U.' Brittany said sadly, averting her eyes.

Kurt pulled himself off Blaine, turning to raise an eyebrow at the rest of the people in the room.

'Why isn't Rachel speaking?' Kurt questioned.

Rachel seemed to have frozen.

'Oh, right. Honey, if you speak right now, I'll try and get you a scholarship to Juliard.' Leroy said casually. Rachel seemed to snap out of her daze and sang quickly, 'Barbra Streisand!'

'There's the Rachel Berry we all love and despise.' Kurt quipped, subconsciously patting down his hair.

* * *

><p>Blaine looked nervously around the jewellery shop, sipping at his medium drip coffee anxiously.<p>

Ever since the New York gay marriage bill had been passed, Kurt and Blaine had been practically glued at the hip and Blaine wanted to do something about it.

'Hi!' Blaine exclaimed happily. 'I mean, hi.' He said in a more normal tone, resisting the urge to apologise to the snobby clerk who may or may not have a hangover. 'Do you have any promise rings?'

'Promise…rings? I've never heard of one.'

'Well…do you have a ring? Which isn't an engagement ring, or something. Just… a ring.'

'Yes.'

'Cool.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Oh, I assume you would like to go see them.' The clerk said- Blaine nodded feverishly, slowing down when he saw the man's worried expression.

'Who is it for?' The person commented casually.

'My boyfriend,' Blaine said absentmindedly.

The clerk stopped for a brief second, before continuing to walk on.

'Do you think that silk stockings are a good gift to give to your girlfriend?' the man asked desperately. Blaine looked at the assistant in shock.

'Oh. Erm…can I ask my boyfriend? I go to an all-boys school, you see and I don't really…yeah, I'll just ask him.'

Quickly, Blaine typed:

**Kurtsie, are silk stockings a good gift to give to your girlfriend?**

**B**

In an instant, Blaine received a call from Kurt. He hastily accepted.

'Don't call me Kurtsie and depending on the girl.' Kurt answered immediately, obviously confused. 'Have you finally got a girlfriend yet? If so, please tell me _who _so I can make sure they aren't in the Mafia or something.'

'No, I'm at a jewellery shop and-'

'Why are you in a jewellery shop?'

'I'm going to put you on loudspeaker because the conversation just got super awkward.' Blaine said quickly, pressing a button on the phone screen.

'Blaine Anderson, if you don't tell me why you are shopping at a jewellery store right now, I will rip out your throat and then you will not be able to serenade me anymore with Katy Perry. Got that?'

'I thought you were gay.' The shop assistant said.

'Okay, who in the name of Grilled Cheesus is that? Because I am sick of being mistaken for a girl. My voice isn't _that _feminine.'

'My name is Ryan Murphy.' The assistant said sullenly. 'Assistant manager. You are gay, right? Know a lot about fashion?'

'One second- no, Berry, you do not look good in an owl sweater. No-one looks good in an owl sweater. No, it looks like a baby decided to slushie a cashmere coloured owl. Okay, I'm back. Yes, I know a lot about fashion.'

'Okay…does brown suit blue?'

'Which shades?'

'I was thinking…sky blue and a light brown?'

'Hmm…no. Brown in general doesn't work with cold colours.'

Blaine gave Ryan his phone - looking back on his decision, it probably wasn't the best- and walked off to search for a ring. He found one that was silver with a simple sentence carved into the surface- music is life, life is love. **(AN: Just randomly came up with that.)**

He looked at the price tag. Thank goodness it was in his budget.

Hurrying back, he heard Ryan saw something.

'If I saw you naked, I would die laughing.' Kurt retorted to something Ryan had said.

'Laughing? That's mean. You'd probably die of happiness.'

'What's mean is the fact that you appear to be hitting on me through the phone.'

'So what? I met my girlfriend through phone.'

'I'm taken.'

'So am I.'

'Sorry, I'm taken by a very protective boyfriend, have a very protective dad and step-brother, my step mother is deadly with a whisk and I was on the football team. So…if I were you, I'd give the phone back to my boyfriend and go rot in some pool of self pity.'

Ryan ended the call angrily and span around to see an amused Blaine tapping his foot.

'I may be a hobbit, but I am known for randomly knocking on doors and punching people. Now, I would like to purchase this ring.'

* * *

><p>All he did was forget to knock on the door.<p>

His hand flew up to cover his eyes. 'Oh my sweet baby cheesus.'

'Finn! Get out! Now! Please!'

'Oh my sweet baby cheesus. I think I'm forever scarred.'

'Go or I'll tell him about the lamp incident!'

'Okay, okay, look how I go!' Finn said, exiting the room in shock. Pausing slightly, he kept his hands over his eyes as he said, 'Blaine…please don't get him pregnant. It causes too much drama.'

'Finn…we're just making out.' Blaine said uncomfortably, not bothering to correct Finn's mistake.

'Yeah, well…I really didn't want to know that.' Finn pointed out, before shutting the door.

* * *

><p>Kurt loved shopping- don't get him wrong, he really did. But for some reason, it felt different this time.<p>

Possibly because he was helping Nick, Jeff and David dress themselves for a triple date.

Or maybe because they were shopping in the Gap where the Gap Attack happened.

'No! What did I say to you? Yellow would not look good on you Jeff! It would make your hair look even more dyed!' Kurt protested, flinging the offending piece of clothing into David's pile of clothes.

'I do not dye my hair!' Jeff protested.

David glared at Nick evilly.

_I can hear the bells__  
><em>_Well don't ya hear them chimes__?__  
><em>_Can't ya hear my heart beat__  
><em>_keeping perfect time__?__  
><em>_And all because he touched me__  
><em>_He looked at me and stared_

_Yes he bumped me my heart was unprepared__  
><em>_when he tapped me and knocked me off my feet_

Kurt froze in horror, before rolling his eyes and turning around to face a sheepish Blaine, who was currently singing a song.

'Please not another Gap Attack.' Kurt prayed.

_One little touch now my life's complete__  
><em>_Cause when he nudged me love put me in a fix, _

_Yes it hit me just like a ton of bricks, _

_Yes my heart burst__  
><em>_Now I know what life's about__  
><em>_One little touch and loves knocked me out and__…_

Blaine jumped up onto a rail and began belting out the next verse.

_I can hear the bells__  
><em>_My head is spinning__  
><em>_I can hear the bells__  
><em>_Something's beginning__  
><em>_Everybody says that a boy who looks like me__  
><em>_Can't win his love well just wait and see__  
><em>

'Blatant disrespect for furniture.' The manager mumbled as he walked past Blaine, who looked at the rail sadly and sheepishly jumped off.

_Cause I can hear the bells__  
><em>_Just hear them chiming__  
><em>_I can hear the bells__  
><em>_my temperatures climbing__  
><em>_I can't contain my joy__  
><em>_Cause I finally found the boy__  
><em>_I've been missing__  
><em>_Listen I can hear the bells__!_

Blaine looked at Kurt, taking his hand.

_Round one he'll ask me on a date and then__  
><em>_Round two I'll primp but won't be late__! _

David, Jeff and Nick began chuckling. 'Round two- Kurt will primp and will be late!' David sang quietly with misty eyes. Kurt glared at the trio, before looking at Blaine…

Who was currently being dragged away by two boys who looked suspiciously like Puck and Finn.

Kurt raised an eyebrow as Blaine carried on singing.

'I can hear the bells!' David and Nick sang along with Blaine while Jeff simply sniffed loudly.

'Did Blaine just…propose to me?' Kurt asked David, who shrugged.

'All I know is that this is the most _awesome _video that is just begging to be put up on Facebook. Maybe I should tag you and Blaine?' Jeff suggested, winking heavily.

'Are you joking? Do you _want _to give my dad another heart attack and lose your lead soloist?'

'Well damn.'

* * *

><p><strong>David Thompson has posted a video on Blaine Anderson and Kurt Elizabeth Hummel's wall.<strong>

**Rachel Star Berry Seriously? Hairspray? Finn, why haven't you serenaded me yet?**

**Tina Cohen-Chang Yeah, Mike? You haven't showed me your abs OR danced with me in AGES.**

**Mercedes Jones Oh hell to the no! Sam I MEAN, I WANT NAMES. NOW. KURT, TEXT ME.**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Sam? **

**Sam Evans Yeah?**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Why did Mercedes say your name?**

**Mercedes Jones No reason! I'm tutoring him in French! That's the reason!**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Mercy, I would be a better tutor than you. I'm in the Seniors class.**

**Lauren Zizes People. The reason your man-candies haven't sang to you yet is because…they all wanna tap this. When I say 'this', I mean ME. **

**Santana Wanky Lopez Yeah…right. They'd rather tap a LEZZO than you.**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Oh god, PLEASE STOP WITH THE GAY SLURS.**

**Lauren Zizes I'm going to ignore Buzz Kill Hummel. Santana...uh-huh? Well, they already have tapped…you. Haven't you slept with everyone in the school?**

**Mike Chang Not EVERYONE. She hasn't slept with me.**

**Santana Wanky Lopez Yeah, he's a virgin. I can tell by the fear in his eyes.**

**Brittany Pierce I'm pretty sure I'm a virgin.**

**Quinn Fabray Britt…erm…why?**

**Brittany Pierce I just sang 'Like a Virgin' by that Bible woman. Hey, you're a virgin too! Remember that Britney fantasy we had? You were Bible woman!**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Hang on, Blaine, why were you singing that song?**

**Wes Montgomery He bought a ring. Please do NOT say no. Then, the endless cycle of Katy Perry and coffee will start.**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Blaine Anderson, you shall explain it to me.**

**Burt Hummel BLAINE ANDERSON! WHERE IS MY SHOTGUN? (Wink…hang on, am I doing this right? Oh yeah, wink. No funny business)**

**Santana Wanky Lopez Wanky.**

**Blaine Anderson …*runs***

**Finn Hudson Blaine, you'd better run. You made us look bad in front of our girlfriends…on Facebook.**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel likes this.**

**Puckerman Dude, I'll rip off your balls if Lauren doesn't make out with me because of your boyfriend.**

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel I'm assuming the only reason you're ripping off my balls is because Lauren has stolen yours and you're looking for a replacement? Because, if so, I'm pretty sure Santana has a collection of balls.**

**Brittany Pierce Kurt, can you come over and tell my cat that he's not allowed to try and run away with leprechauns? **

**Kurt Elizabeth Hummel Two things. ONE: Britt...sure. I'll bring a coloring book and some crayons too. TWO: STOP BLOWING UP MY NOTIFICATIONS! DAVID THOMPSON! FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE!**

**David Thompson ...*runs*...**

* * *

><p>'Kurt Hummel. Erm…I'm not proposing to you! Because when I propose to you, there will be Paris, rose petals, Herman the Plant- hang on, I'm kind of leaking unnecessary details. Erm…I was talking to Sam and he mentioned promise rings…so…will you kind of but not really promise to marry me?' <strong>(Go McKlainely High!)<strong>

'Blaine.'

'Because, I'm pretty sure that we are meant to be-'

'Blaine.'

'-and we'll live to the ripe old age of 90 and above, probably get Brittany or someone like that to be a surrogate mother and do what Leroy and Hiram did-'

'Blaine.'

'Because that was pretty awesome and she looks like both of them. Our daughter would have your hair and my eyes because no child shall be born with my hair. Our son…will probably have to have my hair. I need to think this through more-'

'Blaine.'

'-but Hiram said that I shouldn't ramble when I ask someone to kind of but not really marry me. Damn, I'm rambling. Where are Wes and David when you need them? They're the ones who told me that I should kiss you. Hell, there the first people who congratulated me-'

'Blaine.'

'-when they learnt that gay marriage was legal in New York. Actually, that's kind of part of the reason I'm doing this. I mean, we can actually get married in New York, the concrete jungle where dreams are made of! Oh no, I just quoted a song.'

'BLAINE!'

Blaine jumped as Kurt practically attacked him with his mouth.

'Yes. I will accept your stupid promise, you cheesy man.'

'Really? Really? OH YES!' Blaine fist pumped.

'But tell me one thing.'

Blaine looked at Kurt worriedly.

'Why did you think that was a good idea to do that at Wal-Mart?'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah. Consider this your 'I'm Sorry' chapter and the '100 FREAKING REVIEWS!' chapter. Yes, I've got 128 reviews, but it's not that big a deal…right?<strong>

**Oh, and I listened to the original version of 'Some People'.**

**Well, kind of original. Patti LuPone's version.**

**WHAT WAS JESSE ST. SUCKS SAYING? KURT/CHRIS COLFER'S RENDITION BLEW PLP'S VERSION OUT OF THE DAMN WATER!**

**Sorry for updating so late.**

** (Poirot reference, Midsummer's Night's Dream quote (well, my schools version) Ryan Murphy...reference thing, Sue quote, Terri Schuester/Del Monico quote, a Hairspray song which really actually suits Klaine and some really weird reference to the McKlainely verse...it's awesome by the way, GO READ IT.)**

** I apologize to anyone who is sad that I have not updated in ages. Here is your apology. If you haven't already worked that out.**


	28. Chapter 28: Pranking Revenge

**AN: I've just been randomly giggling throughout this day, partly because I've held a **_**falcon **_**and had a **_**vulture **_**fly over my head, and partly because I've got Kurtiebear Cuddletimes stuck in my head. Yeah.**

**It's from…damn, I can't remember the name of the fanfic right now.**

**Apparently I have entertaining author's notes. **

**COOL! In all honesty, I'm just blabbering on about glee and PJO or Doctor Who…**

**Awesome ;D**

**By the way, when I somehow managed to start talking to this girl from another school- please don't start saying to me 'stranger danger' because I was older than her, taller than her and my friend was with me- and when I said something like, 'that sucks' and then later 'that's AWESOME!' She said, 'Are you American?'**

'**No.'**

'**You speak like one.'**

'**Oh…I blame glee.'**

'**You watch that freaky show?'**

'**Yeah…'**

'**Why? It's like, High School Musical but…wronger.'**

'**No, it isn't. You see-'**

**Here, my friend- Hannah- interrupted me and kind of dragged me away because I would've gone on a long rant on how HSM becomes INFERIOR when compared to Glee. And then, she started teasing me about my pigeon phobia.**

**It got annoying when the whole class started cooing and pecking at imaginary pieces of bread or something. I might have 'accidently' hit a S*** W*** fan. Hell, I bit her.**

**Twice.**

**What can I say…I didn't bite her HARD…much…**

**She's used to it! She gets scratched everyday!**

**SHE ASKED ME TO BITE HER. **

**THAT IS HOW WEIRD S*** W*** FANS ARE.**

**I am sorry if you are a Star Wars fan. This probably isn't the chapter for you.**

**Disclaimer: If I don't own glee, can I have Family Guy or a bowtie instead?**

* * *

><p>'I just watched an episode of Doctor Who and I must admit, bow-ties are cool.'<p>

Kurt fingered his bow-tie happily, looking at Blaine.

'But you seem intent on wearing that Star Wars shirt. Really Blaine?'

'Hey! Star Wars is _awesome_!'

'Blaine, one of the enemies is a giant slug. You could defeat him with a few grains of salt, or something. Not really that scary.'

'Yeah, well…Doctor Who's racist towards gingers and Scottish people!'

'The Doctor _wanted _to be ginger, Blaine. It's like saying like a scarf was racist towards a curtain- it probably didn't happen.'

'You didn't deny the second accusation!'

'Because that was a stupid accusation. It's hard to be racist towards Scottish people. Only people like Rachel or Santana possess that ability, and Rachel just does it accidently.'

'I resent that implication.' Rachel piped up from the couch, where she and Finn appeared to be playing a very twisted game of twister.

'You know the implication is true.' Kurt shot back at her.

'I'm actually with Blaine on this,' Finn said lazily. 'Star Wars rocks.'

'Well, I'm siding with Kurt. I have learned to trust him when it comes to fashion, TV and my skin.' Rachel said, standing up and sitting near Kurt.

'Huh. Look, its girls against boys.' Finn remarked idly. Kurt raised an eyebrow, Blaine paled significantly and Rachel began glaring at Finn.

'What?' Finn asked.

'You implied that Kurt was the girl in our relationship.' Blaine stated. Finn simply nodded two times.

'Run, Finn, run. Rachel, I'd say goodbye to your boyfriend before Kurt rips him apart with his cruel, cruel words.' Blaine said quickly, his hair already becoming a little bit springier.

'Three seconds.' Kurt said holding up his hand and counting down.

Finn narrowed his eyes at Kurt and Rachel had to jump up and kiss Finn.

'Time's up, Finn. Prepare to meet the end of existence.'

Kurt got up and walked out of the house, much to the surprise of Finn. Blaine shook his head.

'Oh gosh, this will be bad.' Rachel said. 'Kurt wouldn't do…'

'He would.' Blaine said ruefully. 'He did it to Wes and he freaked out. Kurt will probably do a lot more than _that_ though.'

* * *

><p>Finn was running towards Quinn in slow motions before grasping her chest and-<p>

Wait, why did Quinn just turn into Santana?

Was that Brittany and Rachel making out in the background?

Best. Dream. Ever.

Finn suddenly woke up and almost shrieking when he saw Kurt quietly studying him right next to his bed.

'GET THE-'

'I have my sai swords with me.' Kurt said, pulling the weapons out and twirling them around nonchalantly. Finn closed his mouth and eyed the weapons with apprehension.

'Dude, I was having the best dream ever. Who knows what could have happened if you hadn't have woken me up? Hang on, how did you wake me up?'

'I might have licked a spoon and put on your ear.'

'OH! YOU-'

'Parents in the house and sai swords.'

Finn quietened hastily.

'Good. Now, I just want you to know that this isn't over.' Kurt said carefully.

Finn nodded.

* * *

><p>'Warm milk?' Kurt offered to Finn, who nodded eagerly.<p>

A few minutes later, Kurt came back into Finn's room with two cups of milk in his hands. Finn took his milk and looked in it suspiciously. Smiling, he sipped it cautiously.

'That's hot!' Finn exclaimed. Kurt nodded.

'Well, drink up.' Kurt said, leaving Finn's room.

'Can I have your milk?'

'If you want!'

Finn drank the milk quickly.

'Just be careful- I might have accidently put some laxatives in.' Kurt called out, completely serious.

* * *

><p>Finn walked into his room and was greeted by an onslaught on big, pink balloons with the words 'MAN-BOOBS' printed on them in big black letters.<p>

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!' Finn shrieked. Suddenly, one balloon popped and there was a domino effect.

Burt rushed into the room, shouting something about machine guns and bullets. When he saw Finn jumping in his room, shouting about evil balloons, Burt simply shook his head and walked away- Kurt had informed him that he and Carole might be getting a lot of shocks and sleepless nights.

* * *

><p>'Kurt's like, the devil or something. Yesterday, he got tin foil and covered my room in it.'<p>

'Whipped.' Puck snorted.

'He also got some butter and spread it all over my floor. It was really scary, man. I kept falling over.'

'Now you're just going gay. Remind me to never mess with Hummel.'

'Wait, that doesn't make sense. You've been tossing him into the dumpsters before glee.'

Puck's eyes widened before he pulled out his phone and texting Kurt, apologizing to him about all the dumpster tosses and slushies.

**Noah, you're a first grade ****cochon****. ****But I forgive you. Now go make out with some random woman from BreadStix.**

**Kurt**

**PS. Blaine says that he was that guy from Pigfarts who 'pawned your ugly ass'. His words, not mine.**

* * *

><p>Finn apologised to Kurt after Blaine came over and started making out with Kurt in front of him.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah. So…yeah.<strong>


	29. Chapter 29: Pranking Deux

**AN: I live in London and I went to London's Gay Pride Parade and I started singing along when they started playing 'Born This Way' and my mum developed a crush on Duncan James.**

**Anyway…**

**This one was (sort of) prompted by MusicalEscape and all I can say is…**

**AWESOME! THANK YOU FOR PULLING ME OUT OF MY SPIRAL OF DEPRESSION ALSO KNOWN AS WRITERS BLOCK! O.o**

http: / www. tvline.com/2011/07/ glee-scoop-chord-overstreet-leaving/

**Remove the spaces and READ. Then review and say what you think. Or PM me. But for some reason, PM's make me scared. But do whatever.**

**Disclaimer: Read the above. Now, if I was Ryan Murphy and had writers block, thousands of Gleeks would come and kill me. And I'm still alive…so…I don't own glee.**

* * *

><p>Finn trudged into his room and almost fainted.<p>

On his walls were the words, 'I'M COMING FOR YOU, FINNIGAN HUDSON. DON'T SLEEP TONIGHT' printed on his wall in blood.

He didn't recognise the handwriting and he didn't get any sleep.

* * *

><p>'Hey, do you want some cookies? It might calm you down.' Kurt said to Finn. He nodded enthusiastically.<p>

Half an hour later, Kurt pulled out some cookies and covered them in olive oil, whipped cream and finely chopped carrots, which he cleverly hid into the whipped cream.

'Enjoy,' Kurt said, setting the cookies in front of Finn.

He grabbed three cookies and stuffed them in his mouth, before choking.

'Oh my grilled cheesus, what did you put in these cookies?' Finn spluttered.

'Oh, they're my new vegetarian cookies.' Kurt said innocently. 'Olives, carrots, broccoli, olive oil, whipped cream and cabbage.'

'ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME?'

'I'm insulted, Finnigan. To answer your question, no, I'm not trying to poison you. I'm trying to kill your taste buds.'

* * *

><p>'Hey, Wes, thanks for writing that on Finn's wall.' Kurt said to Wes. Blaine chuckled slightly.<p>

'No problem. My kryptonite is pranks, anyway.' Wes smiled.

* * *

><p>'Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Thunderstorm. Thunderstorm. Thunderstorm. Oh no. Oh no. Oh grilled cheesus. I hate thunderstorms.' Finn chanted, pacing his room. Kurt took advantage of the situation and grabbed his Xbox and ran outside, knocking furiously on Blaine's window.<p>

'Can I come in?' he mouthed. Blaine nodded and opened the door. Hey shared a chaste kiss before Kurt revealed his plan.

Finn looked through his closet to find it mysteriously empty. All that was in it was a suit.

'What happened to my clothes?' Finn mumbled. He looked in his drawers and found a pair of pants that smelt of cheese and…Finn quickly picked them up and threw them away.

'KURT!'

'Qu'est-ce?' Kurt groaned. (**AN: What?)**

'STOP SPEAKING FRENCH AND TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH MY WARDROBE!'

'Que voulez-vous dire?' (**AN: What do you mean?)**

'STOP SPEAKING FRENCH!'

'Blaine est venu aujourd'hui. Habiller bien.' (**AN: ****Blaine ****coming ****today. ****Dress ****well.)**

* * *

><p>The only outfit Finn could wear was his suit that he wore to the FurtBarole wedding. Burt and Carole had left for a so-called work related trip, so it was just Finn, Kurt and Blaine. Unfortunately, Finn had absolutely no idea what the pair were saying about each other.

'Il mio molto caldo ragazzo non conosce l'italiano ... potrei parlare pensieri interessanti nessuno saprebbe ...' Blaine said to Kurt happily. (**AN: My ****very hot ****boyfriend ****does not know Italian****...****I could think ****interesting thoughts and ****no one would know****...)**

'Not you as well.' Finn moaned.

'Perché stai indossando un vestito?' Blaine asked. (**AN: Why are you wearing a suit?)**

'You dudes are mean.'

'Culo di Kurt appare possente bene oggi.' (**AN: Kurt's ass looks might fine today.)**

'Blaine, pensez-vous mon cul?' Kurt interrupted. (**AN: Blaine****, are you thinking about ****my ass****?)**

Finn screamed in anger and ran outside, screaming about perverted old badgers and lost Xboxes.

'Oh,' Finn said when he saw Burt and Carole look at him in shock. 'Hi Mom, Dad.'

'Did you just call me Dad?' Burt asked. Finn's eyes widened and he ran inside, to see Kurt and Blaine half making out, half watching a Disney film.

'Mom and Dad alert!' Finn shrieked, before he rushed upstairs and grieved about the loss of his Xbox.

* * *

><p>(<strong>AN: Sorry if the French and Italian are incorrect. I just used Google Translate..)<strong>

* * *

><p>'What the heck?' Finn muttered. It was 6 o'clock in the morning and he just received a new text from…<em>Wes.<em>

Did he know a Wes?

He flipped open his phone and looked at the text. There was a picture of his Xbox and a caption. It said: _Well, Finny, I said I was coming to get you._

The picture of his Xbox broke Finn's heart. It was being used by an Asian boy and a black guy. They appeared to be stacking gavels, bird cages and sheet music on the Xbox, which looked like it had been drenched in water.

* * *

><p>Finn rushed to Kurt's room and slammed the door open.<p>

'Who. Is. Wes?'

'Wes? No idea. Now lemme and the llama sleep, Finny.'

'No. Way. Who is Wes?'

'GET OUT OF MY DAMN ROOM BEFORE I RIP YOUR EYEBALLS OUT AND FORCE YOU TO EAT THEM!' Kurt threatened loudly. Finn glared at Kurt, before stomping out and he jumped into his car.

(**AN: Kurt in the morning is based on me in the morning. Well, the first ten minutes. I'm ultra scary. ;D)**

* * *

><p>Mike woke up at a reasonable hour to find Finn Hudson sleeping on his floor.<p>

He screamed and Finn reached out and slapped him, half asleep. Mike kicked Finn, using his dancing/ninja skills, in the privates and Finn rolled over before waking up. His first words were, 'Is the Asian community very tight?'

'Yes, but that doesn't explain why you're in my room.'

'Do you know Wes?'

'Wes? Yeah, he's cool. The Gavelator.'

'He's got my Xbox.'

'I know. I've got it in my basement.'

Finn looked at Mike before bolting out of Mike's room and running down to the basement. Finn looked around to see that Mike didn't have his Xbox. Instead, there was Wes, sitting on a chair.

'I've been expecting you.'

'Where's my Xbox?'

'You're more concerned about your Xbox then your clothes? Jeez, man, you're messed up.'

* * *

><p>Kurt drove to Mike's house and walked down to the basement. Blaine had ordered Mike to lock the basement door and Mike happily agreed to.<p>

Kurt opened the door and said, 'I hope this experience allows you too to come out of the closet…or the basement, in this case.'

'Why would we need to come out of the closet?' Finn asked.

'Because I said so.' Kurt retorted, pulling Wes up. He was sporting a magnificent black eye, courtesy of an angry Finn. Finn appeared to have bite marks on his wrist.

'Dude, we're not gay.'

'Dude,' Kurt mimicked Finn, 'you needed to come out as Xbox-sexual and gavel-sexual.'

'What's a gavel?' Finn questioned. Wes gaped at Finn, before dragging Finn to the nearest chair and began talking about the history of gavels and Dalton Academy.

'That's what happens when you imply that Kurt Hummel's a girl.' Kurt whispered to Finn as he left. Mike kicked Wes out of his house, saying something about Tina and Finn sulked as he drove home.

'Kurt is not a girl.' Finn reminded himself, then summoned up all of his courage and entered the Hummel-Hudson household again to see-

Oh. Okay. Kurt and Blaine were making out.

Maybe he would go and visit Rachel. Yeah.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed.<strong>

**GAY PRIDE FOREVER!**

**By the way, there was a little group of homophobes preaching weird stuff about gay people and holding up quotes from the bible…about adultery. They confused gay with cheating. **

**There were only seven homophobes and one of them appeared to be holding a sign back to front.**

'**SOME PEOPLE ARE GAY. GET OVER IT.'**

'**LOVE IS A HUMAN RIGHT!'**

**Oh yeah, Finn got his clothes back. Blaine just hid them in his car/bedroom. **


	30. Chapter 30: Very Short Chapter SORRY!

**AN: I watched the Klaine Dublin Kliss Skit thousands of times and two things.**

**What did Blaine say when he said, 'Kurt…you had me at-' because it sounded like bleugh. Please tell me…**

**THAT BETTER BE IN GLEE LIVE! 3D. BECAUSE I AM SEEING THAT.**

**Oh. There was a Brittana kiss as well. But I'm more interested in the Klaine kiss.**

http://www./watch?v=uJcQi9E1H7M&feature=related

http://www./watch?v=XeOCf_VloR0&feature=related

**(To all the haters who think that the glee cast can't sing.)**

http://www./watch?v=_Cr2fDfh0nU

**(By the way, DARREN CRISS HAD NO IDEA WHAT CHIRS COLFER WOULD SAY OR DO. CHRIS HAD NO IDEA THAT DARREN CRISS WOULD KISS HIM AND **_**WHERE THE HELL WERE THE TEACHERS?)**_

**You could say that Klaine skits were my inspiration for this chapter. Enjoy.**

** Disclaimer: Don't own glee. I need the toilet. Okay, I'm back. Don't own glee.**

* * *

><p>'I've always wanted to do something I've never been able to do, though!' Blaine exclaimed.<p>

'Apart from Kurt?' Santana commented.

'Wear another blazer?' Kurt suggested lazily. Blaine paused and glared slightly at Kurt playfully.

'Kurt, we've been through this. You love the blazer.' Blaine said, going on his tip toes slightly so that he could look Kurt directly in the eye.

'I thought Kurt loved you.' Brittany said.

Kurt rolled his eyes as Rachel opened her mouth.

'I believe that my karaoke machine is best equipped for you to belt out any song you wish to sing.'

'Cool! Can I? Can I? Can I? Pleeeeaaaassseeee, Kurt!' Blaine begged. Kurt raised an eyebrow.

'What kind of songs?'

'Ooh! One of those really big Broadway numbers!'

'Honey, those are mine. When they're not mine, they're Rachel's. For example, Rachel's been practising 'Don't Rain on My Parade' since she was four and I've been practising 'Everything's Coming up Roses' since I was five. So, no. You can't do a Broadway number.'

'You called me honey.'

'Mm-hmm hobbity honey bee.'

'Did you just quote a Lady Gaga video?'

Santana mimed vomiting.

'Fine.' Blaine pouted slightly, before launching into another suggestion.

'Can I do one of those eighties songs? Like…Jesse's Girl?'

Rachel winced slightly.

'No, Blaine. Those are for Finn to sing and Mr Schuester to think about. Also, that song is very painful for the New Directions. I'd think you'd better stick with the Katy Perry.'

'Why no Katy Perry, Kurty Perry?' Brittany asked. (**AN: 'Why no Britney, Brittany?)**

'He met me, serenaded me with Teenage Dream, bought me coffee.' Kurt summed up. Rachel 'awwed' in the background.

'Can I sing an Italian song?' Blaine asked. Rachel's eyes lit up slightly, Santana began smirking and Brittany said, 'I get really turned on when you sing in Italian.'

Kurt began to nod slowly.

'One condition. The blazer stays _on_.'

* * *

><p><strong>Oh gosh, this is short. Sorry.<strong>


	31. Chapter 31: PMiddy and Brittany

**AN: My internet hates me. **

**Anyway…**

**So Katy Perry tweeted about the song, she said it made her cry. I hope it was like a good cry, instead of a bad cry 'cuz it was so bad or something. She said that it made her heart go wee, well guess what Katy? You make my heart go wee. Like…supermegafoxyawesomehot wee.**

**I am aware I fitted a AVPM quote into a Darren Criss quote.**

**MusicalEscape is a genius. So is foraworldunderserving. They're both geniuses. :D Go check foraworldunderserving out. She's awesome. **

**Here is something that made me depressed and worried: **

**I was walking home with my friend, until she said, 'So, there was this lady that I didn't know. I was shopping and that lady came up to me and said, 'hey, do you walk to school with that Asian boy?' I said, 'Krishna?' (**_**He's in my class. I'm in my class. My friend is in my class. Don't hunt me down. Got it?) **_**She said, 'Krishna doesn't sound that an Asian name.' I said that he wasn't Asian, but the lady thought that Krishna was.**

'**Black hair,' she told me. Yes, I thought, this is Krishna. 'His skin is more white than brown,' I still thought it was Krishna.'**

**This is the depressing bit.**

'**Mole near mouth.'**

'**Oh my god, you're thinking of Claudia.'**

**YES. I WAS MISTAKEN FOR A BOY. I WAS WEARING A SKIRT, FOR GRILLED CHEESUS. I ALWAYS WEAR A SKIRT. **

**Disclaimer: Do I look like a man? Wait, don't answer that question. Do I look like Ryan Murphy? No. So…I don't own glee.**

* * *

><p>Brittany looked around Dalton Academy warily, before stepping inside. Many boys began to flock around her and ogle her subtly; possibly due to the wet tank top and denim shorts she was wearing.<p>

'Hi, how may we help you?' asked a boy, winking suggestively at her.

'I need to find Blaine.' Brittany said.

There was a chorus of 'Damn' and 'why do the gay guys get the girls?'

'Why do you need to find him?' said another boy.

'I need to know if I'm a dolphin or not.' Brittany answered.

Two boys gasped in shock.

'Are you Brittany S. Pierce?' Wes asked.

'Are you telepathic?' Brittany questioned.

'Yes.' David grinned. He turned to the crowd and began to direct them away from Brittany.

'Aww, man. Why you dragging us away, dude?' Fred asked.

David rolled his eyes. Wes smirked.

'GUYS.' He shouted, putting on his Warbler voice. 'She's bi-curious.'

The crowd suddenly disappeared, leaving Brittany confused.

'Is the word 'bi-curious' a spell?' she asked them.

Wes nodded.

* * *

><p>Blaine was strumming his guitar. He began singing.<p>

_You're the Mickey to my Minnie, _

_You're the Tigger to my Winnie,_

_Kurtie… _**(AN: I don't care if it's the other way round. I have no internet and therefore, cannot check. Also, if it helps, he's still writing it.)**

'Is that your attempt at serenading Kurt?' Wes asked as he flung the door open and strode in.

'No, I'm helping Kurt write 'Pip Pip Hooray'.' Blaine answered. Without looking around, he said, 'Why is Brittany here?'

'She's confused.' David piped up.

Blaine span around and smiled.

'I've got it!'

'What?'

'Kurt said that I needed to use the nickname 'P-Middy' and I've just got it!' Blaine began to sing, jumping up onto the couch and playing his guitar at the same time.

_You're the Mickey to my Minnie,_

_You're the Tigger to my Winnie,_

_P-Middy…_

'BI-CURIOUS!' Brittany shouted, pointing her finger at Wes and David, who stared at her. Blaine jumped off the couch.

'You said it was a spell.' Brittany said.

Wes raised his eyebrows and left the room, David following him.

'Okay,' Blaine said. 'What's up?'

'I'm confused.' Brittany admitted.

'You usually are.' Blaine pointed out.

'You're not made of plastic today.' Brittany retorted, pulling one of Blaine's curls and watching it spring back into its previous position.

'Brittany, are you confused about your sexuality?'

'No, I'm confused because I'm not sure if I'm Lebanese or a ruler.'

Blaine blinked, before carrying on.

'If you are, there is no reason to be.' Blaine said automatically.

'When did you know?' Brittany questioned.

'Oh god, maybe you and Santana were made for each other.' Blaine muttered. 'It happened in Math. We were doing algebra. I had an epiphany.'

'What's an epiphany?'

'All right, maybe I didn't have an epiphany. I was checking out my male teacher's butt.'

'Was it a nice butt?'

'It's not as nice as Kurt's butt.'

'Do you smack Kurt's butt?'

'Ye- I mean, none of your business!'

There was a silence, which Blaine used to his advantage. He began strumming chords.

'You're really hot.' Brittany said.

'Thanks.'

'You know, you remind me of a guinea pig.'

Blaine's brow crinkled as he reached for a piece of paper.

'Is Winnipeg in Canada?'

Blaine reached over and hugged Brittany, before scribbling something down and then pulling out his phone.

He began to type out his text, making sure it was perfectly understandable.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Kurt,<em>

_Is this okay?_

_**You're the Mickey to my Minnie,**_

_**You're the Tigger to my Winnie,**_

_**P-Middy.**_

_**You're cuter than a guinea pig,**_

_**Wanna take you up to Winnipeg, THAT'S in Canada!**_

_From,_

_Blaine xxxxxxx_

* * *

><p>Kurt smiled at the text he just received, before sending back a text applauding it.<p>

He leaned back in his chair and then promptly fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I felt like ending it at the text, but for some reason, I CARRIED ON WRITING. Not for long thougghhh...<strong>

** THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO TOLD ME, 'YOU HAD ME AT EMMY.' YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY AWESOME.**


	32. Chapter 32: Kidnapped?

**AN: MuscialEscape…GAME ON.**

**(Sorry, no idea why I wrote that. I've just been walking around, saying that for some reason.)**

**TeamBartie: Have I reduced you to a pile of 'Oooh'? Because that happened to me when I saw the Kliss. And I just typed that without looking at the keyboard. **

**Glistening moon: AWESOME!**

**P.S I've really wanted to do that for ages. You know, just reply to the reviews in an AN.**

**Okay, proper AN time.**

**I'm currently writing a weird combination of Angst/Humour story and I didn't even plan it. It was supposed to be a chapter for this story, but I was just kinda like, 'What the hell? I'll post it as an oneshot!'**

**For some reason, I really want to continue every oneshot I write. For example…this was actually originally a oneshot. But it got continued. I want to continue PBACEBEOD. (I'm giving everything acronyms, in true glee style. Why? BIOTA, NBK, BICO, SOWK, WIGYA…that inevitably leads this: KWOS... I know!)**

**I'm putting in some quotes I read online and can't remember where.**

**Disclaimer: DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTIINA! THE TRUTH IS I NEVER BOUGHT GLEE! **

* * *

><p><em>Kurt fell asleep... to wake up to Wes and David carryi<em>_ng him out of his house, into a waiting car. That's right. Kurt Hummel was being kidnapped at 2:17 AM, by his so-called friends. Well. This was awkward._

'WES! DAVID! PUT ME BACK IN MY BED OR ELSE!'

'Or else what?'

'FINN!' Kurt shrieked. Wes paled and began running quicker, David attempting to catch up.

'What are you doing?' Kurt hissed.

'Letting you and Blaine get your Klainebow on.' David answered.

'At 2:17 am? Oh my gaga. My dad.'

'He knows.' Wes said curtly.

'Finn?'

'Kurt.' David said. 'Burt knows. Carole doesn't mind. Finn's probably jackin-'

'OOHHHKKAAAYYY!' Kurt squealed. (**Remember BIOTA? Raine kiss****？*****shudder* Kurt's 'oh-kay!')**

'It's the truth, Kurt.' Wes shrugged. 'Now, come on. Get into my car.'

* * *

><p>Kurt glared at Wes.<p>

'Why did you get the lovechild of a Daihatsu Copen and a pink Toyota Yaris?'

Wes reddened.

'I dared him.' David said absent-mindedly. 'We thought it would be appropriate to use this car.'

'It's pink.'

'The colour of a Klainebow.' Wes deadpanned.

'You mean a Klainebow with Wevid crying under it.'

'Wevid? Who's Wevid? Oh…Wevid.' David looked around, banging his head on the dashboard. Kurt sighed and switched on the radio.

_'And now, to all those Mika fans out there, here's one of his classics!'_

_Suckin' too hard on your lollipop, well love's gonna get you down..._

Wes grinned and began singing along. After a few glares, Kurt finally joined in singing.

'There is no way we could get any gayer.' David sighed. At that moment, the song finished.

_'The next song was requested by 'Liram Berry' to his partner of 21 years- Hiram Berry! Happy 21-year anniversary!'_

_ You can't stop an avalanche as it races down the hill!_

'We just did.' David moaned, before singing along with Wes and Kurt.

* * *

><p>Kurt was shoved into Blaine's dormitory with a few pats on the back from Wes and David.<p>

'Get some Hummel.' Thad commented as he walked past Kurt struggling to resist Wes and David. Kurt paused and glared at Thad, allowing Wes to push Kurt into the dorm.

'Kurt?' Blaine asked.

'Thank us later.'

Kurt growled as the door clicked shut and was locked. He turned around to see-

Oh. Why was Blaine in his boxers, hair ungelled with a lightning scar on his forehead?

'Blaine…'Kurt said quietly. 'Are you trying to be Harry Potter?'

* * *

><p>Wes and David stood at the door, holding a cup to a wall and listening intently. There appeared to be a lot of gasps, 'keep going's and moans.<p>

'Oh my god.' Wes muttered.

'We're listening to our best friend and his boyfriend doing the nasty.' David finished.

'What is _wrong _with us?'

'A lot of things, Wes.' David shared a brief look with Wes, before running off. Wes looked at the wall and carried on listening. (**AN: I actually have that conversation with my friends a lot of times.)**

* * *

><p>Kurt found a coin and managed to unlock the door.<p>

Turning to Blaine, he said 'I hope we get to do that again. It was surprisingly enjoyable.'

'You doubted the power of it.' Blaine smirked as he rolled his eyes. Kurt mock glared at Blaine, before smiling.

'I'd better have a good dream.' He suddenly said, his face growing red.

'Why?' Blaine asked, instantly becoming 'protective boyfriend'.

'I had a dream last night that I went to school wearing only a speedo and a trilby.' Kurt said.

Blaine blinked, before realizing he was still in his boxers.

* * *

><p>'Get some, Hummel.' Puck said casually as he entered the Hummel-Hudson house.<p>

'Okay, repeat please.' Kurt said, very confused.

'I said,' Puck repeated slowly. 'Get some.'

Kurt rolled his eyes. 'Don't believe anything Wes tells you.'

'There was moaning, Kurt. Moaning.'

'Finn moans when he's lost his latest Call of Duty level, or something like that.'

'Well, that's Finn. No offence, but I thought you were a screamer.'

Kurt glared at Finn and Puck, before going into his bedroom and texting Wes a death threat.

* * *

><p>'Thad wants us to do 'Raise Your Glass' in front of the whole school.' Blaine said.<p>

'I never really got that song.' Kurt mused as he turned the page.

'What do you mean?' Blaine asked.

'Look,' Kurt began. 'I don't understand why they can't be fancy and dancy at the same time. There are plenty of outfits I can think of _right now _for that kind of occasion. Also, it's basically a song about drinking and I have had unpleasant encounters with alcohol.'

'Like?'

'Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza and I will never think of Bambi in the same way.'

Kurt closed the door and immediately, Burt came rushing up the stairs and opened the door.

'Door. Stays. Open.' He managed to pant out.

'Dad, we were just going to read the Harry Potter books.'

'But…' Burt began to blush. 'Harry Potter does…interesting…'

'Dad. Harry Potter does NOT turn me on.' Kurt exclaimed.

'But…there was moaning.'

'It was the Goblet of Fire! Wait. Who told you this?'

'Finn.' Burt replied instantly.

'Where did Finn get that information from?'

'Someone called Wevid.'

'They were listening through a wall, sir.' Blaine said. 'They probably misheard something.'

Burt processed the information.

'So…there was no…nasty business involved?'

'Sir, I was just reading to him.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN:..okay, this was funnier in my mind. Sorry to disappoint you...but next chapter will probably have innuendo. Lots of innuendo.<strong>


	33. Chapter 33: Warblervention

**AN: GUYS! I AM ON HOLIDAY. So, I apologise if you get really weird updates, but the time zone is weird- 7 or 8 hours ahead of London- and I have been taking the opportunity to write chapters of all my WIP's in my personal notebook. READ: Diary. **

**Addicted much?**

**ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE:**

**Oh my god, Amy Winehouse is dead. I had the same reaction when I heard King of Pop, Michael J (RIP) was dead- 'No way. It's just a joke.'**

**Thank you, Amy Winehouse, for being an amazing person and for giving Santana solos. She has done amazing things and introduced me to your songs. This is the worst time to be talking about glee, isn't it? **

**By the way…Kurt should so do 'By The Sea' from Sweeny Todd to a grumpy Finn. You know, before he met Blaine. Then he meets Blaine…and they DUET! Oh good, I've got a oneshot idea. **

**EXCEPT****。。。**

**KURTCHEL ALERT! KURTCHEL ALERT! HUMMELBERRY ALERT! PURELY FRIENDSIP, BUT STIL, HUMMELBERRY ALERT!**

**Also, a little bit of Fuc- oh-kay, maybe not that one. A little bit of Pinn (?) for you guys. ;D**

**I SAW HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART TWO. I STARTED CRYING WHEN I SAW DOBBY'S GRAVESTONE AND DIDN'T STOP CRYING. I CRIED EVEN HARDER WHEN FRED DIED, WE SAW REMUS AND TONK'S BODY AND THE RESSURECTION STONE SCENE.**

** But I laughed when I saw Lavender Brown dying. I mean, she prevented...Ronmione? Hon?**

**Disclaimer: Does anyone know where Hermione is? I want to brew some polyjuice potion to- oh yeah, Ryan Murphy's bald.**

* * *

><p>'I don't get it.' Finn said, throwing the offending book down on the ground. 'Why can't a person be a portkey?'<p>

'That's absurd,' Blaine said. 'If a person were to, erm, touch themselves,' Blaine briefly glanced at Puck, who grinned.

'Or each other.' He interjected, looking pointedly at Kurt and Blaine.

'Yes, Noah, or each other, they would constantly be transported to different places.'

'A person can be a horcrux though.' Kurt added.

'What's a horcrux?'

'You'll find out soon enough, Finny. Book six.'

'Jeez. Blaine, how many books are there?'

'Seven.'

'How many films?'

'Eight,' Puck answered.

'How is that possible?'

Blaine opened his mouth to begin to lecture Finn and the 'total awesomeness' that was Harry Potter, but was interrupted by Puck.

'Are you joking? Everyone wants to see Freckly and Smart Hot Chick get it on and Harry's appealing to both men and women. I know that Kurt has a weakness for James Potter. You know, hazel eyes and dark hair.' Puck winked at Blaine.

'NOAH!' Kurt shrieked. 'Take it back!'

'It's true.' Puck shrugged.

'LALALALALALA!' Finn shouted, putting his fingers in his ears and standing up. He somehow managed to trip over Puck and they landed in a compromising position.

At that moment, Burt Hummel opened the door.

'Is everything okay? I heard Kurt scream and- oh. What's going on?'

There was an awkward silence which Blaine's phone broke. Blaine received a call and he eagerly answered.

'HELLO!' He yelled. Everyone winced at Blaine's unnecessary loud welcome.

'Wes? You did it again? Okay, I'm coming.' Blaine ended the call and looked at Burt and Kurt. 'I'm going to have to go. Wes has done it again.'

'I'm coming.' Kurt said instantly. 'Dad, I'll be back around 7-ish, but I might have to stay at Dalton.'

'Kay, kiddo. Remember what we talked about. You know, with the pamphlets.' Burt eyed Blaine and Kurt blushed.

'Awkward.' Finn said.

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and they both left Finn's room.

'Now,' Burt said, turning to Finn and Puck. 'Please explain the…position.'

* * *

><p><strong>(Yay to anyone who gets the Doctor Who reference…)<strong>

David was walking to their French class, when they heard Kurt.

'Blaine, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'

David froze in shock. What happened to the baby penguin?

'I'm going on top.' Blaine said proudly.

'What? No way, Blaine. Mine is way longer.'

'Mine is prettier!'

'Blaine, have you seen it?'

'Yes! It's quite a nice one, compared to others.'

David listened in shock and there was a rustle which David took to be Blaine or Kurt moving around. There was a smacking sound, and David shuddered. Jeff came along, beaming and singing a song under his breath.

'Shush.' David hissed.

'Did you just _shush _me?' Jeff asked in shock. David nodded and Kurt spoke again.

'Look, Blaine, I'm topping.'

Jeff grew pale and David stepped away from the door.

'I think you should meet Brad. He'll teach you all kinds of things to do with this.'

'I'm really good at it.' Blaine.

'No, no, not in that way. It's just, Blaine has a weird telepathic power which only he has. He just knows what you want.'

Jeff and David ran away.

'I mean, he started playing the opening bars of 'As If We Never Said Goodbye' and I didn't even tell him I was going to play that song.'

'Kurt, can my card go on top of your card?'

'Blaine, we've just been through this. My card is prettier and the message is longer, so it goes on top. Yours is slightly more inferior, so it goes on the bottom.'

* * *

><p><strong>(Okay, this bit is totally unrelated.)<strong>

'Wes? We brought candy and teddy bears.' Kurt said quietly. Blaine walked in, carrying at least twelve teddy bears, eighteen cards and three gavels.

'I did it again.' Wes said. Blaine wordlessly offered Wes a hug and Wes practically crushed the poor boy. 'I said I love you way too quickly to Sarah and now, she'll break up with me.'

Kurt paled slightly and picked out nine cards and threw them in the trash sneakily. Blaine noticed and mouthed the words, 'what are you doing?'

Kurt walked up to Blaine and whispered in his ear.

'I thought Wes broke one of his gavels.'

* * *

><p>'Blaine, you've put too much on.'<p>

Cameron always had a bit of a dirty mind and he paused when he heard Kurt's casual comment- his mind always leapt to the wrong conclusion.

'It's easier with too much.' Blaine retorted.

Nick and Thad were walking past when Cameron flung out his hand- 'They're discussing their sex life.'

'What?' Nick almost shouted.

'Well, they are talking about lube.' Cameron said.

'No way.' Thad laughed.

'It's easier with too much!' Blaine said.

The trio froze.

'Size of a dime is all you need. Trust me, I'm an expert.

'Oh, I know.'

Nick whimpered slightly. The three ran away when someone began moaning.

* * *

><p>Blaine groaned quietly as Kurt washed out all the gel in his hair.<p>

'You should be a hairdresser, Kurt.'

'Then what will I do with my voice?'

'Become Mrs. Lovett?'

'A psychotic pie-maker who falls deeply and insanely in love with a murderer?'

Jeff and Wes rushed into Blaine's dorm with their hands covering their eyes.

'Are you currently participating in gay intercourse?' Jeff bellowed, making his voice as low as it went.

'NO.' Kurt answered, his voice lower than Jeff's.

'Good.' Wes said, removing his hands from his eyes. Looking at Jeff, he sighed and removed his hands from Jeff's eyes. 'Emergency Warblervention.'

Blaine sighed and kissed Kurt.

'See you.' Blaine said.

'No no n o no no no! It kind of includes Kurt! Once a Warbler, always a Warbler' Jeff shrieked.

'Okay?'

* * *

><p>The tension in the choir room was high. None of them were looking forwards to singing a Ke$ha song to their lead soloist and his boyfriend about their sex life and most of them were wondering if they would leave the experience alive.<p>

Especially the council. They were terrified of Kurt's wrath.

Jeff opened the doors and there stood a sheepish Wes, an embarrassed Kurt and Blaine, who was having a laughing fit.

'I'm assuming you told them.' David said with a straight face.

'I'm surprised I'm still alive.' Wes answered, his face pale.

'WARBLERS. ASSEMBLE!' Thad cried.

'Wait, no-' Blaine began, but Thad stepped forward.

_Coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah._

_Zip your lips like a padlock,_

_And meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox._

Thad stepped back and Cameron stepped forward.

_Music starts, listen hot stuff__  
><em>_I'm in love with this song__  
><em>_So just hush, baby, shut up__  
><em>_Heard enough__…_

Nick stepped forward and started singing to Kurt with a frown on his face. Somehow, the Warblers managed to finish the song without David backflipping. Blaine, Wes and Kurt sat through what was possible the most mortifying three minutes of their lives.

'Did ya like it?' Trent asked as Kurt started shaking with laughter.

'Guys!' Wes shouted, channeling his inner Mr Schue, 'I'd like to speak now. When I told them that they needed to stop their sex life-'

'Which is practically non-existent.' Blaine added.

'They explained that they weren't even talking about that!They were talking about card messages and hair gel!'

'Oh.' Trent said.

'Yeah. Oh. But good performance.'

'Warblers, how many Warblerventions have you had in the past six months?'

'Erm,' Thad began. 'Three for Wes's gavel thing, two for David's backflipping, one for Cameron's eating habits, eight for Jeff's hair problem, three for Blaine realizing his feelings towards you and seven- no eighteen for Blaine jumping on furniture.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hihihihi. Remember- I'm on holiday and the time zones are screwed. Should I make a list of all the songs I've used? Okay then...<strong>

**1. Unnamed Pitbull song.**

**2. Single Ladies**

**3. Give Up The Funk**

**4. Rhythm of Love**

**5. Rolling in the Deep**

**6. Your Song (oh god, only now I realize how cliche that is.)**

**7. I'm Too Sexy- implied in chapter 4**

**8. I'm Not That Girl -kind of.**

**9. Hollaback Girl- kind of.**

**10. The Cleveland Show's theme tune.**

**11. Breakin Up by Rilo something**

**12. Push It- kind of**

**13. Four Minutes- slightly implied.**

**14. Granger Danger- IMPLIED.**

**15. Whip my Hair**

**16. Telephone- sorta.**

**17. You know what, I give up.**


	34. Chapter 34: Short Neff or Niff

**AN: PEOPLE. I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.**

**I HAVE A TUMBLR!  
>*confetti shoots out of Sue's confetti cannons and Animal begins to magically play* <strong>

**WOOHOO! TUMBLR! Feel free to say hello to me. **

**type in _www. starscanshinebrightlytonight. tumblr. com_**

**Remove the spaces and TADAAAA. My tumblr.**

**:D**

**This chapter is for you. Yeah, you.**

**Thank you to scarlettfire, Call me Mad, kurtXBlaineKlaine, Klaine-lover1996 (who, I think, gave me the idea of turning it into a series), Xx-Lou-xX, TeamBartie, GleekHolly97, geewee, lunargirl40, XxTypoMasterxX, RavynAshes2, Neko Konojo, Ambereyeswolfchild, StarKidGleekMaster97, moonhorse2, lalala223, Wolf Princess girl, Echoing Dreams, sassa133, aurora4847, Vampire Chipmunk, klainebowsgalore, Carley, Klaine loving anon, MusicalEscape, IssyRedbird, , rachel390, gottriplets, kurtcoblaine-klainetrain, Miryiah223, Heather Jayne, KlaineLoveVahs, Jajacques, MyUniversalWorld, cici37, DumbDancer, 13xgreeniex13, THE LIVE KISS, FutureActressKS, iamrandom1602, Becky Yuy, glistening moon, imalemonadeaddict AND klaineislove, **

**O.O Holy f***.**

**By the way, MuscialEscape, I'm quoting you. **

**GO SEE MY TUMBLR. IT'S YELLOW.**

**This one is for Niff or Neff, fans.**

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own glee. I do own a Tangled DVD, if that helps.**

* * *

><p>'LET THE KLAINEBOWS SHINE!' Cameron yelled. The librarian shuffled over and shushed him half-heartedly.<p>

'Shut up,' Wes hissed. Cameron stuck his tongue out at Wes childishly, sat down and began studying again.

James stood up. 'GET YOUR NIFF ON!'

'Who's Niff?' David asked.

'Nick and Jeff,' Adam answered quietly.

'NEFF! GET YOUR NEFF ON!' Cameron bellowed.

'NIFF!' James argued.

'NEFF!'

'NIFF!'

'NEFF!'

'NIFF!'

'NEFF!'

'TEAM EDWARD!' Adam screamed.

'SHHHHHHH,' The librarian said angrily.

'Never mind. I'm going to go scrub my ears now.' Wes sighed, picking up his books and walking out of the library.

'WAVEL!' Cameron suddenly shrieked.

'Wavel?' Wes asked.

'Wes…and gavel.' Cameron smirked.

Wes glared at Cameron.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah. It's short, but I'm going through writers block. My next chapters going to actually <strong>_**get **_**Niff-Neff together (why don't they call it Jick?) so if anyone has any ideas, just review or PM me.**

**Want to know a scary fact?**

**Reviews make me scared…AND I HAVE A TUMBLR.**


	35. Chapter 35: Fondue For Two

**AN: Shall I explain my weird fear of reviews? It kind of like, ooh look, I've gone from 170 reviews to…174. Aaah, one of them's going to be bad. Oh look, there all nice. Happy happy time! **

**Also, I felt like I was running out of Britt. Don't know why.**

**Do I write Brittany well enough?**

**What does Jick rhyme with?**

**Aick.**

**Bick.**

**Cick.**

**Di- Oh EWWWWWWWWWW. EWWWW. EW. EWWW. UGHH. UGGHHH.**

**Thanks to MusicalEscape who helped me with my questions for Britt. I appear to have lost my gift of writing Britt.**

**Who knew that the counter-curse was just unjellify?**

**I have been stalking Chris Colfer and have included several Chris Colfer quotes from twitter.**

**Disclaimer: I'm running out of witty, hilarious disclaimers that you probably won't read anyway.**

* * *

><p>'Oh look, a camera.' Blaine said happily as he grabbed a grape and stuffed it in the chocolate fondue.<p>

'I need to warm up.' Brittany said calmly. 'You guys can make out here, I won't mind. It'll be hot.'

Kurt almost choked on the piece of peach he was eating.

Brittany began flinging her hands everywhere, somehow managing to avoid Blaine's eye.

'Okay, I'm ready.'

Brittany leaned over and pressed a button and there was a clicking sound.

'Hi, I'm Brittany and here are the two hottest people I know. Okay, first thing.'

'Britt, the red light isn't on.' Kurt said.

'I know. That means its recording.'

'No, Britt, it means it just took a picture.' Blaine said.

'Oh. Does that mean all the video's I've uploaded are just a picture?'

Kurt nodded and Blaine sighed as he fixed the camera.

Brittany turned to Blaine.

'Do you wanna make out?'

Blaine paled significantly and Kurt stepped in. 'Britt. Are you flirting with my man?'

Brittany frowned slightly. 'Is Blainey-Boo a dolphin?'

'Blainey-Boo?' Blaine managed to choke out.

'Yes, Brittany, he is. He's my dolphin.'

'Awesome. But, if he's a dolphin, how can he be a bird?'

'He's not a Gargler.' Kurt said.

'I'm a Warbler.' Blaine finished.

'Well, is he Harry Potter? He kind of looks like him.'

Blaine smiled charmingly. 'No, I'm more of a James Potter.'

'Oh.' Brittany's smile dropped slightly. 'Well, is he a wizard?'

'Yes. He's Harry's father.'

'Oh, awesome. So, will you cast a spell on Lord Tubbington?'

'Sure,' Blaine said, pulling up his sleeves. He ignored Kurt's 'bitch, I'm judging you' look. 'Which one?'

'Is there a spell to help Lord Tubbington stop smoking?'

Kurt snorted gracefully and Blaine smiled. 'Yes, there is.' He reached into his blazer- yes, he was still wearing that- and drew a mahogany wand. 'It's the Elder Wand,' he explained. 'Bought it from a Disney shop.'

Brittany beamed.

'IMPERIO!' Blaine said impressively.

* * *

><p>'Okay, next question.' Brittany turned to Kurt. 'Remember the Single Ladies dance?'<p>

'Britt, I learned that there is no graceful way to get into a leotard from the Single Ladies dance.' Kurt said. 'I even had a _dream _about it.'

'Single Ladies? What single ladies?' Blaine asked Kurt.

'Kurt wants to put a ring on it.' Brittany explained.

'Oh no, I'm going to do that first.' Blaine said absent-mindedly and Kurt blushed slightly.

* * *

><p>'Third question.' Brittany said seriously. She leaned forward. 'This is the question everyone wants to know the answer for.'<p>

Kurt raised an eyebrow and Blaine began jumping up and down in his seat.

'Who tops and who bottoms?'

'No comment.' The duo said simultaneously. Blaine winked at Kurt.

* * *

><p>'How would you describe your life?' Brittany asked.<p>

'Oh,' Kurt laughed. 'My life is an awkward visit from the kid's table while awaiting a History Channel special.'

'My life is a banana.' Blaine said.

'Your life is _not _a banana.' Kurt said sternly. 'It's more of a furniture jumping puppy.'

* * *

><p>'What's the saddest movie you've ever seen?'<p>

'Titanic.' Kurt answered immediately.

'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part two.' Blaine admitted sheepishly.

'What?' Kurt said, turning to face Blaine who was popping a chocolate covered strawberry in his mouth.

'It's because his best friend's brother died.' Brittany said.

'Fred?' Kurt asked. Brittany nodded and Blaine sniffed loudly.

'Fred was my favourite character.'

'Mine was Dobby.' Kurt said sadly.

'Mine was the blonde girl's horse.' Brittany smiled enthusiastically.

* * *

><p>'Are there any dolphins in the Garglers?'<p>

'Warblers,' Kurt corrected. 'And yeah. There's James, Adam, Flint, Trent who's gay for Blaine, Blaine, Jeff and Nick. Oh, and Wes and David have an epic bromance that has all of us questioning them.'

'Are any of them dating?'

'No, but Jeff and Nick's sexual tension will kill us all.' Blaine deadpanned.

* * *

><p>The Warblers clambered into Wes and Blaine's dorm and Wes eagerly typed in 'Fondue for Two' onto YouTube.<p>

The previous two videos weren't available anymore, but there was one new one.

'KLAINE!' Cameron shouted. 'KLAINE ON FFT!'

The Warbers watched the show, writing notes on how to annoy Blaine until:

'_Are there any dolphins in the Garglers?'_

'_Warblers. And yeah. There's James, Adam, Flint, Trent who's gay for Blaine, Jeff and Nick. Oh, and Wes and David have an epic bromance that has all of us questioning them.'_

'_Are any of them dating?'_

'_No, but Jeff and Nick's sexual tension will kill us all.' _

All of the Warblers looked at Nick and Jeff, who were blushing furiously.

'He's the King of Sexual Tension,' Wes said finally. 'He knows what he's talking about.'

'We know.' Jeff said faintly.

'WHEN WILL YOU TWO GET TOGETHER?' Flint exploded.

* * *

><p>Kurt walked his boyfriend to his dorm door, when it was flung open by a frantic Wes.<p>

'Jeff, Nick, denying, sexy tension.' He panted out.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. Blaine frowned. 'You rose your right eyebrow, not your left.'

'I want people to be judged by both sides of my face.' Kurt explained. 'Wes, I have an idea.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, the next chapter will have Kurt's idea. Think, really, really unromantic but still kind of romantic…hopefully.<strong>


	36. Chapter 36: Water Fight

** IMPORTANT AN I HOPE YOU READ, PLEASE READ IT IT'S REALLY QUITE IMPORTANT.**

**AN: First, I'm really sorry about the lateness of this chapter. It was hellish to right, considering I've never been in the Warblers and wanted this to be totally awesome.**

** Second: I've been reading all the reviews and I think I shouldn't have. I fell over when reading tooyoungtojoinfanfic and now I feel guilty. Because...**

** I have to cap this story. **

**SORRY. DON'T CHASE ME WITH PITCHFORKS.**

** It's just, it's becoming harder to think of funny ideas, and plot bunnies are trying to murder me and...I don't have any excuses really. I'M SORRY.**

** I'm thinking, maybe five more chapters. You'll have to wait for them though- god knows when this weird story-only authors block will end. x_X**

** Again, I'm so sorry. But if it helps, I'm writing a oneshot where canon! Wes becomes fandom! Wes.**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>Blaine groaned as he flopped down on the bed.<p>

Nick and Jeff were going to be the death of him.

They had just spent most of Warbler practice flirting, gazing at each other when they thought the other person wasn't looking and Blaine was so close to just grabbing both of their heads and smacking them together in a forced kiss.

Wes strongly disapproved of Blaine's idea though. 'Imagine what they'll tell the children,' Wes had explained. 'They'll ask Jeff and Nick about their first kiss and Papa Jeff would explain that Uncle Blaine was being a hypocrite and decided to whack their heads together, then Daddy Nick would mention that Uncle Blaine was forbidden from giving them romance lessons.'

'How am I being a hypocrite?' Blaine asked.

'That was you and Kurt.' David answered. 'But with a few more longing gazes and a lot more serenading.'

'That's what Kurt and I were like? I'm surprised you didn't shoot me.'

'Oh, we tried.' David smiled.

'But that would get in the way of your impending Klaine goodness.' Wes said seriously. 'And that would have severely ruined our chances at Regionals.'

'But we wanted to kill you. Painfully.' David assured Blaine. 'Preferably with Justin Bieber singing in the background.'

'With cats.' Wes added thoughtfully.

'Cats?'

'They'd scratch his eyes out and he'd never be able to gaze upon Kurt's exquisite face ever again.'

'Then why not tigers?'

'Because the tigers would piss themselves laughing when they saw Blaine's afro.'

'Don't diss the afro!' Blaine demanded.

'Blaine, we just did.'

'Did what?' Kurt asked as he walked into Blaine's dorm. 'Hey, Blaine.'

'Hey,' Blaine smiled, gazing up at Kurt. They quickly kissed for a bit, then Kurt turned to Wes.

'Who did you do this time?'

'Vicky, but that's not the point.' Wes said quickly. Kurt rolled his eyes.

'How was the daily Nick and Jeff show?'

'They taught us that the Warblers are full of sexual tension.' Wes answered, burying his face in a pillow.

'Full of sexual tension?'

'Please don't start that again.' Blaine said.

'Fine.' David glared at Blaine for a while before smiling. 'ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!'

'A girl has got to eat.' Kurt said absentmindedly.

'ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE!'

'She'll end up on the streets!' Wes joined in enthusiastically.

'All you need is love...' Blaine sang to Kurt, who stood up dramatically.

'Love,' he paused. 'is just a game.'

'I'm bored,' Wes said, just as David was about to launch into the first verse.

'Well then go participate in a water balloon fight,' Kurt suggested.

'Hop onto a llama and ride off into the sunset with the twins.' Blaine said slyly.

'I love me some llamas.' Kurt commented.

'I prefer camels.' David said. He recoiled when he saw Kurt's 'bitch, please' look.

* * *

><p>'I,' Wes suddenly said dramatically. 'have a totally awesome idea that will get Blaine and Kur- I mean Nick and Jeff together. Sorry, I'm used to saying Blaine and Kurt.'<p>

'And what is that totally awesome plan?' David asked.

'Wait for it,' Wes smirked. He was clearly proud of himself. 'A water balloon fight at my house.'

'There are so many things that could go wrong.' Blaine said worridley. 'Reed's going to slip, the twins will bring their nerf guns, Dwight won't participate and Charlie is still in a cast. Nick will look after Jeff, you two will go crazy and Nick will blast Mika, resulting in a war over music. Jeff will ask me about relationship advice and...your mom's antique collection and her Alexander McQueen wardrobe will be annihilated.'

'Can I come?' Kurt questioned instantly. 'Anything to do with the late Alexander McQueen has my attention.'

'I don't see why not.' Wes said cunningly. 'Anummel can get their mack on and Niff will be together.'

Kurt blushed heavily, before swatting Wes on the arm. 'Stop making up couple names about me and Blaine.'

'Anummel is our couple name?" Blaine asked.

'No, honey, it's Klaine. Des just likes to make up different names for us.'

'Des?'

'David and Wes. Damn you Grilled Cheesus. I need to teach you how to make a couple name.'

'How do you KNOW all this stuff?' David laughed.

'I go to McKinley.' Kurt explained. He saw the boy's expressions and elaborated. 'Home of St. Berry, Cherry, Puckleberry, Finchel, Faberry, Kurtchel or Hummelberry, Pezberry, Berryford, Britchel, Tinchel and Samchel and that's just Rachel Berry. You've also got Fuinn, Sinn, Brinn and...' Kurt sighed. 'Furt.'

'Furt?'

'Furt.'

'Isn't that Finn and...YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BROTHER?' David shrieked.

'Shh,' Kurt desperately tried.

'INCEST! OH, INCEST!' Wes shouted.

'I DIDN'T SNOG HIM! I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM!' Kurt hissed loudly. There was silence in the room before Blaine spoke up.

'It's because he's so tall, isn't it?'

* * *

><p>'WARBLERS,' Wes yelled, banging his gavel lovingly on the table. David muttered something about making love with inanimate objects. 'WE ARE HERE TO TALK-'<p>

'Dude,' James said sheepishly. 'Adam has a migraine and you shouting isn't really helping.'

'Sorry,' Wes whispered. 'Who likes water balloon fights?'

A chorus of quiet 'yes's echoed in the large room.

'Who likes my house?'

'HELL YEAH!' Cameron shouted. Adam groaned and smacked Cameron on the head, muttering about chocolate and ropes.

'Who would like a water fight at my house?'

'OH YEAH!' Cameron yelled again.

'BOOM BABY!' Adam bellowed. Everyone glanced at Adam in shock, who shrugged. 'I was tired of faking a migraine.'

* * *

><p>David drove up to the doorway of Kurt's house and picked up Kurt, who was silently dancing to a song in his iPod. David decided to not intervene- he remembered what happened the last time Wes and him had interrupted Kurt whilst he was listeningdancing to any song.

'Hey Kurt,' David said off-handedly.

'I'm the new cancer,' Kurt sang quietly. David frowned slightly. Blaine suddenly appeared sheepishly and smiled at David.

'I CALL SHOTGUN!' Blaine shouted. David jumped and Kurt merely nodded his head. Blaine looked sad for a second, before he reached over and yanked out Kurt's headphones.

_Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman._  
><em>From that moment you'll be out of place and under dressed.<em>  
><em>I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.<em>  
><em>Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...<em>

Blaine grinned and began to sing along, putting his head on Kurt's shoulder and David began cracking up.

_Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman._  
><em>From that moment you'll be out of place and under dressed.<em>  
><em>I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.<em>  
><em>Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...<em>

David took over, shoving Blaine into the front seat and Blaine began to mime playing the drums.

_When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes-_

Blaine frowned and asked Kurt, 'Does that outfit work?'

'Yes.' Kurt replied. David continued singing.

_Whoa, everything goes according to plan.  
><em>_I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.  
><em>_Because you say so under your breath.  
><em>_You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"_

Blaine sang the next bit.

_Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?_  
><em>Never looked better, and you can't stand it<br>Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in va-_

'DUDE!' Finn shouted. He began running towards David's car. Blaine paled and Kurt rolled his eyes as he paused the song.

'W-w-what?' Blaine stuttered.

'DUDES!' Finn repeated.

'What did they do this time?' David asked. Finn looked at David and David recoiled- were his eyes naturally that big?

'DUDES! MAKING OUT! DUDES!'

'Yes...' Kurt trailed off.

'I don't see the big deal.' David said. 'Are you homopho-'

'Wait for it.' Kurt sighed. '3,2,1.'

'DUDES! MAKING OUT! _ON MY BED!_'

'Yep, there's the punchline,' Blaine said faintly. 'Step on it!'

David didn't really want to see one of his best friends being mutilated by a Frankenteen, so he stepped on it. Unfortuately-

''DAVID? WHY ARE YOU PRESSING THE BRAKE?' Blaine shrieked. Finn was attempting to open the door and he looked like he was going to pull Blaine out of the car through the window and make him apologise to the bed.

'DUDES! MAKING OUT! _ON MY BED!_'

'Well Finn, technically it's 'made out'. We're not making out _NOW _are we?'

'I'll tell Dad.' Finn threatened. Kurt's eyes narrowed.

'You tell dad and I'll tell him that you once made out with Brittany in Carole's bed.'

'You wouldn't.' Finn gasped.

'DAD!' Kurt yelled. Finn let go of the car and began to back off. Burt came jogging outside.

'Bye!' Kurt smiled sweetly.

'Now, press on the accelerator.' Blaine said. David huffed and the car shot forward.

Kurt sighed. 'Finn will kill me.'

Blaine smiled.

_I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it._  
><em>Because you say so under your breath.<em>  
><em>You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"<em>

Kurt smacked him on the head.

* * *

><p>David was desperately fighting with Blaine over the song choices.<p>

'No Katy Perry!' David yelled.

'No Daft Punk!'

'Fine! No...erm...'

'Blaine only listens to Katy Perry and songs he has to sing while you do-wop in the background.' Kurt said to David.

'Okay?'

Blaine took advantage of the brief explanation and quickly put in a random CD.

_Sucking too hard on your lollipop, oh love's gonna get you down!_

'I am severely doubting your sexuality now.' Blaine said in shock.

'Oh no,' David muttered.

'Mika,' Blaine whispered. They both scrambled to the radio and Kurt rolled his eyes. He wondered why David and Blaine were so worried- they were currently having trouble switching off the radio.

'WHO IS PLAYING MIKA?'

'Not again.' Blaine said.

'MIKA IS AWESOME!' Nick shrieked, racing after Wes.

'HE IS _NOT _AWESOME!'

'Is too!'

'Is not!'

'Is too!'

'Is not!'

'Is too!'

'Is it okay for me to tell you two to stop acting so childish and put on some good old Rocky Horror?' Kurt asked. All of the Warblers who heard Kurt stopped and looked at Kurt strangely.

'Oh my god.' Wes suddenly said. 'Give up the Funk.'

'Yes,' Kurt said seriously. 'I can sing Give up the fu-'

'TIME WARP!' David shrieked. 'YOU COULD SING RIFF-RAFF'S PART!'

'I played Riff-Raff.' Kurt said irritably. 'So I could obviously _sing _Riff-Raff's part.'

'Do you know what this means?' Wes said happily. His eyes lit up.

'Kurt isn't in the Warblers which means that we can't make an acapella version of Time Warp and watch Blaine die of sexual frustration due to Kurt singing in a low voice and thrusting his hips back and forth.' Adam reminded Wes, who pouted.

'Kurt, rejoin the Warblers.' Wes pleaded.

'No can do,' Kurt said flippantly. 'Someone has to be in the New Directions to shove a sock down Rachel Berry's throat and stop her from making dewy eyes at St. Douchebag while she's dating my brother.'

* * *

><p>'All right,' Blaine said grandly, standing on a table. 'The rules.'<p>

'Get off the table, afrodo.' Wes said. Blaine sheepishly hopped off the chair, looked around and stood on a chair. He smirked briefly at Wes and started again.

'The rules. One. No maiming, breaking arms or any causing any kind of serious injury. Two. Wes, you are _not _allowed to throw that gavel at anyone. Three. If you feel like someone is cheating, go to the referee.' Blaine said offhandedly. 'And four, no switching teams. Five. No going inside anyone else's base. Last one now- no nerf guns, darts, etc etc. Just water balloons.'

'Can I be referee?' Nick asked.

Blaine glanced at Wes, who nodded slightly. 'Yes.'

Kurt pouted.

'Yes!' Nick fist-bumped Jeff, who smiled at him.

'Okay, split into two teams!' David shouted, grabbing Wes and Blaine and made his way over to Kurt and Jeff.

* * *

><p>'You guys are going DOWN!' Adam yelled at Wes.<p>

'I know someone who's slept with your mother.' Kurt replied. Adam paled and backed away.

'Dude, she's around 55.'

'If she has boobs, Noah would've slept with her.'

'Puck?' Blaine asked and Kurt nodded.

'Enough of the chit chat.' Jeff smirked. 'Shall we get into teams?'

Everyone nodded. The Warblers split into two, as if they had done it many times before. Kurt had Blaine, Wes, David, Jeff, Cameron and Eric.

'Shall we make a team name, fellow Warblers?' Eric asked pompously.

'Yeah.' Everyone said.

'What about-'

'No, Jeff.' Wes said quickly. 'We are not having you participate in this conversation.'

'But-'

'No.'

'Come-'

'No.'

'But-'

'The last time you suggested a team name, it was 'The Constipated Dwarves.' So no.'

'It's a really good idea.' Jeff said convincingly.

'What is it?' Blaine asked.

'Always dapper.' Cameron muttered.

'Devil's Farts.' Jeff announced. Kurt raised an eyebrow and Blaine snickered into Kurt's shoulder.

'No.' Wes said. He pulled out his gavel. 'What about 'The Warblers'?'

'To quote Mercedes, 'Hell to the no.'' Kurt said dully. 'The other team have as much creativity as a pencil, so then one of you will be forced to become The Warblers B, or The Second Warblers. What about-'

'Kurt, we aren't calling out team 'Single Ladies.'' Cameron interjected.

'I was about to suggest 'Councils of Bad-ass', but whatever.' Kurt said coolly. Wes smacked Cameron's head and smiled.

'I like that.'

'Me too.' Blaine said quickly.

* * *

><p>Blaine examined his boyfriend subtly.<p>

_Undapper thoughts, Blaine. Undapper thoughts._

* * *

><p>Jeff looked tormented- he was glaring at Ricky who was chatting happily with Nick.<p>

'Why don't you just tell him?' someone asked gently.

'Tell him what?' Jeff asked, too much in a daze to recognize the person speaking.

'That you love him, blondie.'

'You don't understand.'

'I do. I was in your situation for around six months.'

Jeff turned around and groaned. There was Kurt, standing with an bemsued expression on his face.

'You probably don't want my advice,' Kurt began.

'I don't.' Jeff muttered.

'But just tell him and make it clear. I told Blaine at Valentines Day, after the mop serenading, and I didn't make it clear that I liked him.'

'Mop serenading?'

'It pains me to say 'Gap Attack'.'

Jeff snorted and smiled at Kurt.

* * *

><p>Blaine managed to catch Nick's eye and walked over.<p>

'Nick?'

'Yes?'

'Try to get together with him soon.' Blaine said cryptically, winking.

'BLAINE!' Jeff shouted. 'GET YOUR FU-'

'Jeff.' Kurt said. 'No need for language. You could just say, 'BLAINE, GET OVER HERE!' and that would work.'

'No, it wou-'

'Hey guys, you called?' Blaine asked, bouncing up and down.

'And that is why you never give Blaine Red Vines.' Kurt said, turning to Wes and David. 'Who was it?'

'David!' Wes said quickly, pointing.

'In my defence, he's awesome at defending when he's hyper.'

* * *

><p>Kurt pulled out his iPod and smirked.<p>

'I have a strategy. McKinley won their two matches because of surprise. First, they began dancing to Beyonce and the second because they freaked out the other team by wearing zombie make-up and chanting 'Brains'.'

'It was really good.' Blaine chipped in.

'So, we frighten them using a song.'

'What song?' Wes asked. 'We might be able to arrange harmonies really quickly.'

'No,' Kurt said. 'I've got my iPod.'

* * *

><p>Blaine threw a water balloon at Adam, who was trying to invade their base. Someone moved behind Adam, and he was suddenly drenched in pink paint.<p>

Blaine grinned. Kurt was such a ninja.

* * *

><p>'WE'RE LOSING!' Cameron shrieked.<p>

'They have Kurt,' Adam sulked, still covered in pink paint. 'Of course they're winning.'

Nick came over.

'Guys, the Council of Bad-ass-'

'Awesome name.' Cameron interjected.

'-have decided to give you a little performance.' Nick carried on, oblivious to Cameron's remark.

'Really?' Joel said. 'Well. We'll come up with something too.'

* * *

><p>'3, 2, 1, go.' Someone- maybe Wes- said.<p>

Kurt turned around and everyone gulped. Adam managed to glimpse Blaine, who was looking extremely worried.

_'Bout twenty years ago way down in New Orleans,_  
><em>A group of fellers found a new kind of music,<em>  
><em>An' they decided to call it…<em>  
><em>Jazz!<em>

Everyone smiled. It was going to be an amazing rendition. Blaine was looking shocked and very pleased. Kurt was dancing around. Flint- who had heard the original- whispered, 'This is the good part.'

_So come on in and play me_  
><em>Le Jazz Hot, baby,<em>  
><em>'Cause I love my Jazz Hot<em>  
><em>Love…Jazz…<em>  
><em>Hot!<em>

Everyone was blown away by Kurt. There was no break in his voice as he held that note, getting higher and higher when he sang the clearest note.

When the song ended, Wes rushed up to Kurt and kissed him on the cheek.

Blaine cleared his throat and Wes emerged, blushing. Kurt was extraordinarily pale.

* * *

><p>Adam groaned. There was no way they could top Kurt's amazing performance.<p>

'I still think we should go with my idea.' Flint said.

'Your idea sucks.' Joel said.

'Does not.'

'Does too.'

'We're dead.' Adam groaned.

'You guys are performing in thirty seconds.' Nick said.

'Let's do Flint's idea. The harmonies are simple.'

* * *

><p>Cameron turned around with a sour expression. He obviously did not like what was going to happen. Flint started a basic beat and Cameron began to rap.<p>

_I like big butts and I can not lie  
><em>_You other brothers can't deny  
><em>_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
><em>_And a round thing in your face  
><em>_You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough  
><em>_'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed_

Wes groaned. Were they really singing, 'Baby Got Back'?

* * *

><p>In the end, Wes's team won. Nick went up to congratulate them and Kurt nodded to Jeff.<p>

He stepped out and grabbed Nick's face, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

'We didn't get to do our song though,' David whispered.

'Kiss the Girl?' Blaine asked. 'Yeah, I really wanted to sing that.'

'You sing it in the shower.' David said.

'Yeah?' Blaine said. 'Well...you sing...Justin Bieber in the shower.'

'Oh god,' Wes said. 'I did not need those mental images.'

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed! Please, send me ideas. I need them.<strong>

** This is one of my longest chapters though. :D**


	37. Chapter 37: Talks

**SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATION. IS THAT A WORD? IT SHOULD BE A WORD.**

**This is a different format to what I usually use, by the way, and I'm experimenting. You like?**

** 4 chapters left...**

** HEY. EVERYONE. GO TO TAPDANCINGUNICORN AND GIVE HER LOOOAAAAAADDDSSSSS OF LOVE. LIKE, LOADS. SHE GAVE ME A TON OF PROMPTS. LOVVEE HER DOWN, EVERYONE.**

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>**Disclaimed.**

* * *

><p><em>The First Time<em>

* * *

><p>'Why does Brittany keep talking about lizard babies?' Rory asked.<p>

'Baby-gate,' Kurt said. 'You know, Quinn being pregnant and-'

'Quinn was pregnant?'

'Who do you think Beth is?'

Rory frowned at Kurt. They were currently both in Kurt's Navigator- which had a little chip in it's window, Rory noticed- and Blaine was sleeping in the back. Rory was confused when he saw Blaine trudge reluctantly to Kurt's car with boxing gloves on, but Kurt just raised an eyebrow and said smoothly, 'We can't really talk about it.' Rory just nodded.

'I thought Beth was a cat or something.'

Kurt laughed. 'No-one is that obsessed with a cat.'

'Oh I don't know.' Rory said seriously. 'My dad had a cow he called Potato. He seemed pretty obsessed with Potato.'

'What was Potato's full name?' Blaine asked tiredly.

'Potato Noodle Flanagan.' Rory said. 'My mum had a bad experience with Potato though, so we ended up just calling her Noodle.'

'Noodle?' Kurt repeated, raising his left eyebrow.

'You're doing it again.' Blaine said. 'You're judging him using both sides of your face.'

'It's not a nice feeling.' Rory added.

Kurt smiled slowly and Blaine chuckled. 'He once managed to get a freshman to stop looking at Rachel's nose with just a glare and shake of his head.'

Rory paled and recoiled from Kurt, who was driving slowly.

'Blaine,' Kurt suddenly said. 'When I get home, I am baking cupcakes, so you'd better wake up as soon as possible because if you don't, Rory's going to get to lick the bowl.'

Blaine yawned and stirred in his sleep. 'I'm awake,' he muttered. 'I'm eating cupcake batter.'

'Good. Rory,' Kurt whispered. 'You get to eat the actual cupcakes.'

* * *

><p><em>YesNo_

* * *

><p>'ARTIE'S COMING OVER, KURT! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!'<p>

'I'LL CALL BLAINE!'

'...'

'FINN? WHAT'S WRONG?'

'WE'VE ONLY GOT DISNEY MOVIES!'

'BUT I NEED TO KICK PUCK'S BUTT AT MARIOKART!'

'WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO DO IT TOMORROW! WE'VE ONLY GOT THE LION KING AND YOU KNOW WE'LL END UP CRYING!'

'I'LL GET THE TISSUES, THEN!'

'DUDE! WE'RE NOT WATCHING THE LION KING!'

'I THOUGHT YOU ONLY HAD THE LION KING!'

'WE'VE GOT SNOW WHITE!'

'FINN, SNOW WHITE IS AROUND FOURTEEN YEARS OLD! I'M NOT WATCHING DISNEY'S VERSION OF LOLITA! I'M CALLING BLAINE!'

'ASK BLAINE IF HE WANTS TO WATCH SNOW WHITE!'

'HE'S BLAINE! HE'LL WATCH ANYTHING THAT ISN'T CHUCKY!'

'Chucky's awesome, yo.'

'Artie? When did you get here?'

'Nice to see you too, Kurt. Finn let me in.'

'Who else is there?'

'Me.'

'Puckerman.'

'Porcelain.'

'I'm here too.'

'Finn, how many people are actually here?'

'Sam, Artie, Puck, Mike-'

'Hey, Kurt.'

'-and Rory.'

'Top of the afternoon to you, Da-I mean, Kurt.'

'Fine. We're watching the Lion King and I need to call Blaine. I swear, if I walk in to see you guys a blubbering mess like last time-'

'Dude, Flynn dying in _Tangled _was so sad.'

'Holler.'

'...'

'Kurt?'

'When I come back with Blaine and start baking things for you, I want to make sure you are either in touch with your feminine side or growing a pair before I get you hyper in cake pops.'

* * *

><p><em>Extraordinarily Merry Christmas<em>

* * *

><p>'Isn't Rachel Jewish?' Blaine asked Kurt, who nodded.<p>

'She likes the gift-giving part of Christmas, I'm guessing. Sad thing is, one of her gifts include earrings with diamonds the shape of stars. They cost like, $900 and we're saving up for college.'

'Wow.'

'I'm actually surprised her dad's haven't noticed that every Christmas, she gets a lot of presents from her boyfriend.'

'What about Puck?'

'Puck stays quiet around this time of year.'

'What about you?'

'I think Christmas is great for family, putting on weight and having fun. The religious side can go back in the Bible and cry for another 23 months. You?'

'It's nice to believe in something. I don't think there's a God, but I think there's something.'

The corners of Kurt's mouth quirked slightly. 'I'm just glad I managed to stay awake during Rory's impromptu rendition of 'The Story of Christmas in an Irish accent' to be perfectly honest.

'The Irish accent is oddly calming.'

'So, did the accent make me fall asleep, or was it the story?'

'Dudes,' Finn panted, wheezing slightly as he ran up to the talking duo. 'Would you be happy if you got a pig for Christmas?'

'I have a pig every Christmas, Finn, I don't need another one.'

'Since when do you have a pig every Christmas?'

'Since you became my step-brother and I saw the amount of turkey you eat.'

* * *

><p><em>YesNo_

* * *

><p>'KURT!' Rachel shrieked, storming determinedly towards the boy, who's nose was currently stuck in a book. 'I require your assistance immediately.'<p>

'What's Finn done today and what do I need to say to him?' Kurt asked lazily.

'Tell him...' Rachel faltered. 'Kurt, listen to me.'

'I am listening- I choose not to look at you though- Wes wanted to me read over his French essay.'

'Well, put down Wes' French essay for one second and listen to me.' Rachel whined, pawing desperately at the sheets of paper. Kurt slowly raised his head to look at Rachel, placed the papers on the desk in front of him and crossed his legs.

'You have my attention.'

'Finn proposed to me and I-'

'Let me mentally process what you just said.' Kurt closed his eyes and nodded. 'Carry on.'

'I don't know whether to say yes or no.'

Kurt froze. 'That's what you're freaking out about?'

'Yes...'

'Rach, if I were you, I would be freaking out about the fact that you can only just get legally married.'

'Oh.' Rachel huffed, sitting down dramatically. 'That's besides the point.'

'I can't help you with whether you want to get married or not. That's not my choice. I'm not getting married to Finn. That would be incestuous.'

'It's a disturbing thought.'

'Rach.' Kurt said, picking up the papers again. 'You need to think about this. Not me, not Santana, not Mr Schue. You. This is your life.'

'But I need to know-'

'Rachel, Wes will bang me over the head with the gavel he stole from Dalton if I don't correct this.'

'Oh. Okay,' Rachel said pitifully. 'But...you'll approve either way.'

'I honestly don't mind either way. Besides, if I didn't approve of the acceptance, or a wedding, I wouldn't be Kurt Hummel.'

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do you think of the new format? Would you rather have three more chapters like this that'll probably come quicker, or would you rather I use the format that I've been using for the previous 30 something chapters with description and a plot and get it a bit later?<strong>

** Because I honestly don't mind.**

**:) See ya next time?**


	38. Chapter 38: There's plotting afoot

**Okay. 200th reviewer gets to prompt a oneshot. **

**3 more chapters, dudes!**

**Also, there is Twilight bashing in this. Mwahaha. ;) No, seriously though.**

**Disclaimer: Consider yourself disclaimed.**

* * *

><p>Santana wasn't too horrible a person, she thought. So watching Rory flinch when she opened her mouth to ask him to make sure Brittany drove home safely was pretty weird, especially when he muttered something that sounded like 'she doesn't bite'.<p>

'Listen, Irish dough-face. I need to make sure Britt gets home safely- in three days, it's the five year anniversary of we first met and I want to a dinner and some nice gifts for her.'

Rory nodded, his face growing paler every second.

'So listen up. I need you to convince her to ride on a rainbow with you into the land of farming and cows. Kurt and Blaine will help you plan everything.'

'Wait-' Rory began, but Santana cut him off.

'You and the wonder twins need to plan the most romantic dinner ever for me.'

'Why don't y-you do it yourself?' Rory asked timidly.

'It takes a lot of time and effort to look this good,' Santana smirked, gesturing towards her whole body, 'and honestly, I'm not into all the romance crap. Brittany and the gay, married couple are though. You live with her and quite frankly, I'm sick of looking at your face. It's tiring to look at a virgin for too long. You should find a nice person to take care of that for you. Maybe Quinnie.'

Santana nodded and strutted out of the room.

* * *

><p>Oh. My. God.<p>

Rory began banging his head against the wall, groaning every time the sharp pain jolted up his head.

'Why-' _bang._

'Me-'_ bang._

'I'm assuming you because you're you.' Kurt deadpanned, eyeing Rory up and down. 'You'll get a bruise.'

'Santana needs you and me to plan a romantic evening for Brittany.' Rory blurted quickly. 'I don't know where Blaine is but-'

'Blaine's going to be fine.' Kurt dismissed Rory with a wave of his hand. 'Yesterday, he was pretending to be a pirate.'

'A...pirate.'

'He goes puppy like when he's had drugs. Besides, anything's better than having to think about Douchebag McSleazy.' Kurt said, narrowing his eyes slightly.

'You mean Sebasti-'

'Rory, say that name and I will refuse to help you plan this thing for Brittany.'

'And Santana.' Rory added.

'And Santana,' Kurt repeated. 'who wants us to do her dirty work.'

'Yeah.'

'Smart girl,' Kurt nodded, grabbing Rory's arm and spinning them around. 'Her idea of romance is making Lord Tubbington a fishcake. My idea is much better, you know her and Blaine's not as bad at romance as he thinks.'

'But he's loopy on drugs.'

'I know. That's why we use the majority of his ideas.'

'Kurt, they're ideas from Pa- I mean Blaine's drug addled mind.'

'Brittany S Pierce is no ordinary girl. Only a pirate on drugs can fully understand the romance she wants.'

* * *

><p>Quinn's eyes narrowed as she watched Kurt and Rory talk about Brittany and Santana's anniversary.<p>

If she was going to be completely frank, she wanted in. Her master plan was this:

1. Find Rory during glee.

2. Convince him (without somehow seducing him. She needed to focus on a personality without her looks being the main focus.)

She hadn't worked out step three. Maybe she could learn on the job.

* * *

><p>'Guys, I think this week...'<p>

Mr Schue's voice drifted away. Rory figured it was because he got to the point where he didn't really care. He didn't really know how the main members of the New Directions did it- Mr Schuester's talks about being together just didn't work when you had half the team somehow angry at Rachel.

'Hey,' Quinn smiled, sidling up to Rory inconspicuously. 'How's the homesickness going?'

'It's not as bad as before,' Rory whispered. 'How's the thing with Beth?'

'I'm not crazy anymore.' Quinn answered.

'You can't be sane and be in the New Directions though.'

'I stand corrected.'

Rory grinned as Quinn threw her hands up in mock surrender. There has a quiet, threatening hiss from Rachel, but they ignored it. She was moody. Quinn understood partially. Choosing whether to accept or decline a marriage offer from Finn must be difficult, but Quinn knew which one she would choose.

'So, I heard you and Kurt talking about Brittany and Santana's anniversary.'

Rory nodded.

'You guys need my help. I've been their friend since Santana got a freshman to stop perving on me and I told Brittany the answer to the Math homework. I know what makes them two tick.'

'You really need to talk to Kurt about this.'

'I need your approval.'

'No you don't.' Kurt said, leaning forward. 'You're on board- I was trying to find you today.'

Quinn's eyebrows shot up, eyeing Kurt warily. 'Why?'

'I wanted to talk to you about getting Jesse St. Douche involved in our 'Operation: Stop the Finchel Berryson wedding'.'

'Who's Jesse St. Douche?'

'He's a douche. That's all you need to know.' Kurt said quickly.

* * *

><p>'BLAINE!' Brittany shouted, waving at Cooper. Sugar followed her, opening the doors dramatically.<p>

'Jesus, holler.' she said, strutting in. Blaine blinked, swaying slightly. The amount of pink Sugar was wearing was making his brain go fuzzy.

'Fairy,' he mumbled. 'Nice.'

'Still on meds, I see. At least you're still glittery.'

'Sunshine,' Blaine murmured. His head nodded lazily.

'Can I make you ice cream?' Brittany asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. The sheer amount of energy the duo brought into the room sent Blaine reeling.

'Will...will you put tiny pieces...of edi-edible glitter on them?' Blaine stuttered.

'Yeah!' Brittany agreed brightly, dancing out of the room.

'You,' Sugar began, 'are not dead and you can sing. My dad hired Breadstix for Valentines and you-' she pointed at Blaine- 'need to perform.'

Blaine blinked. Why was the pink, feather boa fairy in his room talking about breadsticks?

* * *

><p>'No cats.' Rory frowned, shaking his head. 'I have enough of cats everyday. I'm pretty sure Lord Tubbington hates me.'<p>

'He does,' Quinn re-affirmed, 'he hates everyone apart from Santana but even then, it's iffy.'

'Iffy?' Kurt arched an eyebrow.

'From what I hear, Lord Tubbington is a cockblocker.'

'Not surprised.' Kurt immediately replied, immersing himself back into the plans for the night.

'What about something including balloons?' Rory asked.

'Brittany's going to get distracted by the helium and Santana will end up sucking the helium in.' Kurt answered, not looking up from the stack of papers.

'Fill it with air, then.' Rory suggested.

'No,' Quinn shook her head, 'I think Brittany said she was allergic to rubber, or latex.'

'That...that doesn't make sense.' Kurt said.

'Well, no, but it's Brittany.'

* * *

><p>Santana huffed, stalking up to Rory angrily. Her ponytail bobbed with each step, her eyes narrowing.<p>

'Hey, Potato boy.' she called. Rory turned around wearily, taking a small step back. 'How's the plan for me getting my mack on going?'

'Swimmingly,' Rory whispered. He was still terrified of Santana. Who wasn't?

'Satan, I would suggest taking three steps back if you want McKinley to know you're definitely out of the closet.' Kurt snapped, walking past the frighteningly close duo.

Oh yeah. Kurt Hummel definitely wasn't scared of Santana.

'Bite me.' Santana shot at Kurt.

'Isn't Brittany doing that?' he retaliated angrily.

The hallway fell silent, as if the whole corridor was eavesdropping on the conversation. Kurt looked around, glaring at every single person.

'Well?' he asked, arching an eyebrow.

The corridor began bustling again, with everyone cautiously choosing their words.

* * *

><p><strong>To: Kurt<strong>

**The Brittana mack-fest starts tomorrow, doe-face. I need plans and I needs them now. -S**

_To: Santana_

_I could be with Blaine at the moment and I'm too busy planning how you can celebrate your anniversary, which begs the question why the hell don't you do this yourself? -K_

**To: Kurt**

**Busy. -S**

_To: Santana_

_I doubt it. You're evidently got time to terrify Rory, make out with Brittany and make fun of everyone in Glee. How have you not got the time? -K_

**To: Kurt**

**I don't do well with romance and that kinda crap. Why are you planning my anniversary? -S**

_To: Santana_

_Blaine's hanging out with the Warblers. Finn's doing whatever with Rachel and I have no better way to spend my time. -K_

**To: Kurt**

**That sucks. He's hanging out with Meerkat? -S**

_To: Santana_

_No; Sebastian knows what would happen if he goes within thirty metres of Blaine. -K_

**To: Kurt**

**What? -S**

_To: Santana_

_My Dad's sorta what you call a congressman and the sai swords come out. -K_

**To: Kurt**

**You've really grown up. Send me a video of you kicking the crap out of the Smooth Rodent- or let me join in. -S**

* * *

><p>Kurt ran up to the pink figure, pushing several people out of the way.<p>

'Move,' he shouted, 'move! Cattle alert!'

There were several _shut ups _and _don't touch me_'s, but Kurt ended up relatively unharmed.

'Sugar!' Kurt bellowed. 'I need you!'

Sugar turned around, beaming at the sight of Kurt. 'Your boyfriend isn't dead, you know. I threatened Sebastian several times.'

'Did you tell him frequently that you were better than him?'

'Aspergers.' Sugar said, the duo sharing a secret smile.

'I need your help.'

'I figured, you were pushing people. Either that, or you've become my first proper fangirl. If so, you need to know that I won't do autographs.'

'No, I really need your help. What are you doing for Valentines?'

'Since my dad can't buy Ireland, he's hiring Breadstix for the day. Sugar's Love Shack. It's going to be _awesome._'

Kurt smiled. 'Sweetie, I don't think anyone could just _buy _Ireland.'

'But if anyone should, it would be me because I'm awesome.'

'Good to know. I need to ask a favour.'

* * *

><p>Quinn sighed as Brittany babbled about the Cheerios beside her. After listening to the first few words- 'So, Coach says she won't blast me out a cannon,'- she quickly tuned out.<p>

'-so then Rory said that he'll buy me three boxes of Lucky Charms for me and Lord Tubbington-'

Quinn bit her lip; it was so hard to resist the urge to correct Brittany's grammar. Santana would kill her.

'-but you don't put Sugar in cakes and stuff, you put sugar cubes in and Rory and me-'

_Rory and I, _Quinn chanted internally, _Rory and I. _

She sighed, before pulling out her phone with the occasional 'mm' and 'yeah' to reassure Brittany she was listening to her. Her fingers punched a familiar number.

The phone rang several times, before Blaine picked up.

'Q-Quinn! The Sugar fairy h-has come!'

_Oh damn, _Quinn groaned mentally,_ I forgot he's high on medication._

'Kurt and I-'

_Hallelujah, Praise the Lord, he can still use correct grammar. _

'-were about to call y-you! Kurt was just wondering if you could come over and I need another eye-patch. Because I'm a pirate. Rawr.'

Quinn rolled her eyes at the all-too familiar huff in the background. There was a brief 'Avast ye mermaid' from the phone, and then Kurt began to speak.

'Blaine just so delightfully managed to get a cold in the same week as having a rock salt slushie in the eye, which means double the medication, which means double the pirate. Come over?'

'Already done. Brittany's driving me crazy.'

'-besides, what has a horse ever done to Rachel? It's not as if it kinda went up to her and started-'

'Britt,' Quinn interrupted. 'I need to go. Kurt and I need to do something important.'

'Okay!' she chirped brightly, standing up and brushing imaginary lint off her red Cheerios skirt. She bounced away, humming the latest Ke$ha song to herself.

_If it was that easy to get Brittany to go, _Quinn mused, _why did it take me so long to figure that out?_

* * *

><p>Santana strutted into the room, her head held high.<p>

She frowned when she recognised the room; Breadstix? What a lame idea for her anniversary. She could've thought this up whilst sleeping, if she wasn't too busy jerk-

'Sanny!' Brittany burst into the room, hugging Santana fiercely. 'Did you think this up?'

'Duh,' Santana lied evenly. 'No-one else but me-'

_Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba __Sithi uhm ingonyama!_

Santana whipped her head around out of shock, her eyes glazing over slightly at the projected sight of the familiar red sun rising above the ground.

'The Lion King?' Brittany asked.

'Y-Yeah,' Santana stuttered, 'all my idea.'

Brittany squealed. Santana smirked, settling into a comfortable position. She was so going to get laid that night.

* * *

><p>'And you're sure this will work?' Quinn inquired once again.<p>

'Quinn, Kurt's really smart; if anyone's going to pull this off, it would be him.'

'And add you to the equation and Rory's knowledge of Brittany's..._personal _habits, this'll be undefeatable.' Kurt added. Quinn half smiled, half frowned.

'Come on. Put on the first movie you have in.' she ordered, pointing her finger at the TV. Kurt crawled forwards, switching on the TV. The first few notes of _Twilight_'s theme tune played, before Kurt hastily switched off the TV, shuddering.

'Twilight?'

'Rachel loves Edward as she thinks Edward is like Finn, Mercedes thinks Jasper looks like Sam and I zone out and enjoy my popcorn.'

'No idea what you're talking about.' Rory muttered.

'It's plotless.' Quinn summarised.

'Sparkling vampires.'

'Not as good as Harry Potter.'

'Never.'

Rory nodded, smiling as Quinn and Kurt continued to point out the problems with the Twilight series.

* * *

><p><strong>To: Quinn<strong>

**Oh Q, you are _dead._**

_To: Santana_

_No idea what you're talking about._

**To: Quinn**

**Yeah, you do. You got my girl hyper, sad and not hungry.**

_To: Santana_

_It sounds like you're advertising anorexia, S._

**To: Quinn**

**Let me rephrase that. She's not hungry for some hot, Latina ass.**

_To: Santana_

_Why? I thought you two went at it like rasdfghjuyujhgf_

**To: Quinn**

**Rasdfghjkl?**

_To: Santana_

_Santana, this is Kurt. Shut up. The best part is yet to come._

**To: Quinn**

**Why are balloons falling down from the sky?**

**To: Quinn**

**Seriously, Q.**

**To: Quinn**

**They're...they're popping. You know Brittany doesn't like popping.**

**To Quinn**

**Q...**

**To: Quinn, Kurt, Irish Kid**

**I. WILL. CUT. YOU. YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE THE BALLOONS FILLED WITH HELIUM, DIDN'T YOU? **

_**To: Santana**_

_**So don't ask us to plan your anniversary again. I didn't ask you to plan my anniversary with Blaine, did I?**_

* * *

><p><em><em>_To: Blaine_

_It worked! :)_

To: Kurt

Never been so proud of my ninja boyfriend before. And Santana promised to never ask for your help with Brittany again?

_To: Blaine_

_Yep. She's even admitted she had the time to plan it- she just couldn't be bothered._

* * *

><p>Santana strutted into Glee, frowning at the sight of Mike, Tina and Blaine standing, with Blaine blearily rubbing his eyes.<p>

'What's up, Asians?' she asked sarcastically.

'Brittany.' Mike answered. 'She's currently hysterical over Lord Tubbington. Apparently, he's giving birth or something.'

'I knew it.' Santana said breezily. 'He was either a girl and someone skimped on the making of his dic-' She stopped when she realised that Brittany, _Brittany, _was helping a cat give birth.

_Oh god. _

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah...I added the last part for humor. I'll probably continue it next chapter too, if you want. <strong>


	39. Chapter 39: Goddamn Motel Manager

**Erm.**

**I'm getting feeeeeeeeeeeels.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not doing this for the next chapter because that AN is gonna be preetty long-ass because it's the last chapter next time. So, yeah, I will presumably never own something as... interesting as Glee.**

* * *

><p><em>To: Q<em>

_From: the hot piece of action you know you are_

_Q. How are you?_

**To: Satan**_  
><em>

**From: You can get through this, I know you will**

**Cut to the chase, Santana. What do you want?**

_To: Q_

_From: the hot piece of action you know you are_

_You've been through labour. Help a cat do it?_

**To: Satan**_  
><em>

**From: You can through this, I know you will**

**That's like saying 'you got a boob job, help Snooki' or something.**

_To: Q_

_From: the hot piece of action you know you are_

_Just do it for Britt then._

**To: Satan**_  
><em>

**From: you can get through this, i know you will**

**Relax. I called Britt- turns out, Lord T has constipation issues. The non-existent kitten is never to be born.**

_To: Q_**  
><strong>

_From: the hot piece of action you know you are_

_Thank god. Imagine two of those things._

_To: Q_

_From: the hot piece of action you know you are_

_Wait. Constipation issues?_

**To: Satan**_  
><em>

**From: you can get through this, i know you will**

**Yep. Lord T's baby is a piece of crap.**

* * *

><p>'I think,' Kurt began, 'we should have a sleepover.'<p>

'Between who? Because I can only handle so much of-'

'Santana, Quinn and Brittany may be the Unholy Trinity, but we-' Kurt gestured between Mercedes and Rachel '-are the Three Divas of this school and you know it.'

'But-'

* * *

><p>'-don't you think we should, I don't know, bond more? Maybe we should go camping, or something.'<p>

'I know for a fact that the girls-'

'My boyfriend is not a girl.'

'-the girls and Kurt are having a sleepover, we can convince them to go to Cincatti with us and go camping.'

'Sam, there's one flaw in this plan.'

'What?'

'Mercedes and Rachel, camping.'

'Dude, that's not a bad idea though. Besides, Kurt camping.'

'I've taken him camping before, and he's a natural at hiking and reading maps. Something to do with Burt.'

'Well-'

* * *

><p>'-we'll need to think of sleeping arrangements. Are we going to sleep in the same bed? Are we-'<p>

Kurt zoned out after Rachel started talking to Mercedes about whose house to go in, when his phone vibrated.

**From: Blaine **

**Finn, Sam and I, camping trip. Bring the girls?** **xxx**

* * *

><p>Blaine smiled as his phone vibrated.<p>

_From: Kurt _

_Well, something's going to go down in the tent._

'Guys, that's a yes, the girls can probably come.'

'Awesome.'

'Sweet.'

* * *

><p>'And you're sure-'<p>

'No, Dad, nothing is going to go down in the tent.'

* * *

><p>Night.<p>

The sky was black, full of twinkling stars. They had gone camping, argued, gone hiking- 'Kurt, just tell us where we are', 'It's not my fault you're terrible at map-reading, Finn Hudson'- and now it was night.

'i don't like it here.'

'Rachel, shut up. Being vegan makes you at one with nature, right?'

'Sam, that's a stereotype that you shouldn't believe in.'

'Oh, sorry Rachel.'

'It's perfectly alright, Sam.'

There were a few beats of silence, before Rachel spoke again.

'I don't like sleeping outside.'

'Rach, it's just-'

'What if- what if a bug crawls inside my throat and nests there, hatching little babies and then my voice is _ruined, _Finn, _ruined, _and my dreams of Broadway becomes a fantasy and I'd have bugs living in my throat! I'm Tinkerbell, Finn, remember? I need applause to live! How can I get applause if I can't sing?'

A cricket chirped in the deafening silence.

'Okay, we'll rent a motel. We've probably got enough for one night. We all got 20 dollars, right?' Sam began, looking around. There were murmurs of agreement.

'I swear Finn, if this is a cheap-'

'Live a little, Rach.'

Rachel quietened, glaring at her fiancee angrily.

'Fine. But when my voice breaks on Broadway because of a monster centipede infestation, I will blame all of you.'

* * *

><p>The motel is suspiciously clean, the manager suspiciously accepting and the motel itself was suspiciously un-tacky. The manager smirked as he let the three couples in, only saying 'Have fun!' in an extremely condesceding way.<p>

'Jackass,' Finn muttered as they walked to their rooms.

'Agreed,' Sam echoed.

Silence overcame the six people, and the couples hurriedly rushed to their separate rooms.

* * *

><p>Mouths attacked each others the second the doors closed. Hands roamed over bodies, earning an array of noises- squeaks, moans and whines in particular. All three couples were trying to be quiet, so that their activities would remain unnoticed, but when there was a particularly loud moan from Blaine- 'shut up, Blaine, Finn will kill me'- there was a pause in all of their activities.<p>

Kurt ran to his satchel, only to discover someone had stolen his condoms.

Sam felt around in his back pocket, only to find out that his pack of condoms had fallen out.

Finn had planned on asking Kurt for one of his.

* * *

><p>The manager suppressed a giggle at the sight of six horny teenagers walking down the stairs towards his desk.<p>

'Ah-hem,' the big-nosed one said. 'My name is Rachel. We're all planning on engaging in... amorous activities tonight, and we seem to have misplaced our things. Have you got any protection?'

'Vat?' the manager asked, pretending to be dumb just so he could hear one of them say the magic word that began with a c.

'We need condoms and we need them now.' the tall, pale one said. A rather magnificent hickey was forming on his neck.

'Oh, that. Yah, take de box.' he handed them a small, crumpled up box and gave it to the giant. 'Have fun.'

* * *

><p>'Dude, unless there's a way to split one, only one of us is going to get laid tonight.' Finn said. Kurt and Sam and Finn were standing in a circle, surrounding the almost empty box containing the one condom.<p>

'Is there a way we can each get it?' Sam asked hopefully.

'No.' Kurt said, his voice definite. 'Splitting a condom doesn't help protection-wise at all.'

Finn stood and thought. He then took Kurt aside to the corner of Sam and Mercedes' room, where they were talking. Rachel, Mercedes and Blaine were waiting outside.

'Dude, do you think that Sam or me could get this?'

'Why?'

'Well, you and Blaine go at it a lot, so you could like-'

'No.'

'Okay, I have another reason.'

'This better be good. I've been hiking. I. Hate. Hiking. And I need a jelly doughnut, or something. I feel like I'm going to faint unless I get that condom.' Kurt said, fluttering his eyelashes and turning paler. He was hoping to guilt-trip Finn.

'No, dude, listen. Me and Sam _need_ it more. I mean, no offence, but you can't get Blaine pregnant.'

Kurt's eye twitched and his teeth gritted together. Finn knew instantly he had said the wrong thing, and turned to warn Sam but he suddenly felt a blinding pain in his nether regions. Kurt had kicked him in the nads!

Sam growled as Kurt leapt towards the box, his hand outstretched. Sam jumped for it at the same time, and they both collided. Finn had stood up and waddled towards them, still recovering from the pain. He took the box from Sam's hand and ran, shouting 'Rachel, I've got it!' He opened the door.

Sam and Kurt both stood up nodded at each other.

'Rachel, come o-'

And Finn fell to the floor, having being tackled by the two remaining boys.

* * *

><p>Rachel, Mercedes and Blaine were very impatient. Discussing fashion and Vogue only carried a conversation so far, especially when you could hear their boyfriends fighting inside.<p>

'Think we should go help?' Mercedes asked.

'No, the condom might rip.' Blaine replied, 'Kurt and I discovered this once.'

Rachel nodded. 'You two were really loud that day.'

'Sorry.'

The door opened and the sight of a triumphant Finn greeted them.

'Rachel, come o-'

The girls and Blaine raised their eyebrows when he fell to the floor, and saw Sam and Kurt fight over the box.

* * *

><p>Sam didn't feel right, punching and shoving Kurt, because they were friends, but then he saw Mercedes and, holy hell he didn't care if Kurt was his mother or something, he needed that condom. With a particularly hard shove, he grabbed the box and stood, only to topple over from a low kick Kurt sent to the back of his knees.<p>

'Newsflash, sucker-' Kurt spat, 'I was in the football team too.'

He kicked Sam in the privates, just like Finn, and stood.

'Do I hear any objections?' he asked, standing up. His shirt was ripped in several places, his hair was messy and his eye just _would not stop twitching. _

'Yeah,' Mercedes said, 'why can't we just buy more condoms?'

Kurt growled and turned to Blaine, who smirked and practically ran to their room.

'See you ladies tomorrow,' Kurt said, 'and tell your boyfriends I'm sorry for wounding their pride.'

He then walked into his room and there was a loud locking sound.

Rachel and Mercedes turned to face their writhing boyfriends, who were moaning in pain.

'You just got your ass whupped and I hope you are feeling the consequences of an angry Kurt,' Mercedes said. 'You should not have made him angry.'

'I'll get some ice.' Rachel said.

'_Ohhhh, Kurt,'_ Blaine groaned loudly from behind the locked door.

'And alcohol. Lots of alcohol please.' Sam whimpered.


End file.
